Hi! Does anyone visit this blog? LOL! No matter. It is therapeutic for me to write. Life has been just so busy. Now that Harley, my horse, is home from training, I have orders from hubby to ride him every day! :-) Sort of "orders" anyhow. Then the kids have been busy with summer activities.
In just two days I leave town for a week! I am heading off to the Thin Within conference in Kentucky after meeting up with my dear friend, Jan, in Tulsa Oklahoma! I can't wait to see her and then the folks at the conference.
I wanted to share with everyone who has wondered...YES, I am still hanging in there with Thin Within and applying the principles in my life. Releasing more weight has slowed down...we have been toying with releasing a couple more now, but with all the sweating I am doing working outside and riding Harley it *could* be water weight.
No matter. I feel good.
The bronchitis is about gone, fortunately. Just a little cough here and there.
The ulcer, treated with some NASTY meds, is managed now. I have two more weeks of one of the meds I am on, but one of the two antibiotics they had me on made a nasty taste in my mouth. I was eating mints ALL THE TIME! It was awful! God graciously allowed me NOT to gain any weight even though I was sucking NON-stop on Wintergreen Lifesavers. Anything else was wreaking havoc with my stomach and causing pain...go figure! I mean 24/7 for two weeks of being on Biaxin, I was sucking on those! Even in the dead of night! Can you believe it? I bet my teeth are rotting out of my head! LOL!
Anyhow, this ulcer stuff sure challenged the old "gotta eat 0 to 5 or else" mentality. I learned that God can perform HIS will in my life even when I have no guidelines to fall back on!
Right now, I am trying to prepare for sharing my testimony at the Thin Within conference. I am just not sure what to share...so prayers are most appreciated. I want it to be whatever God wants it to be...and I want HIS Word to be what predominates...not my story...My story is really quite empty. But HIS is wonderful, deep, sustaining, lasting, fulfilling.
I need my bed. I hope to post while I am at the conference. That would be fun!
I don't have a CLUE what to wear! I am a jeans, t-shirt and baseball cap type of gal, but I suppose that wouldn't be a good idea! LOL!
Something has come up several times in recent weeks. I think it is because God wants ME to get it and I know he wants me to share it, too. So here it is.
When we are faced with temptations to eat when we aren't hungry...when we know in our hearts we should stop eating...when we are at the place of "satisfied" where our bodies have had enough food...whatever the temptation might be, many of us are willing (praise God!) to stop and pray and ask God to PLEASE remove the temptation from us. This is an awesome place to be, of course.
But what IF God doesn't remove the temptation?
I truly believe that what we do in that moment is CRITICAL to our continued growth and spiritual formation and also our "success" on the Thin Within path...which is really about growing in Christ anyhow.
If I have found my face on the floor, BEGGING God to remove the temptation, if I have cried out and sung praise songs, if I have opened my bible and plunged the riches there and nevertheless, I get up an hour later and STILL want the food that my body doesn't need...what do I do with that? Do I get mad at God and give in and eat, figuring that HE didn't do HIS part, so why should I do mine???
I want to urge all of us...me included...if that is our response, this is clearly a place of pride. Perhaps God wants us to see this fact...that our walk with him is not in the place of humility it *must* be to truly be what He wants. God's "part" is not for us to define. God is God! He IS at work doing a new thing all of the time even when we do not perceive it, but sometimes, he lets us discover that we are not "delivered" as we thought or that we don't have it "all together" as we had hoped. Sometimes, he lets us know that we still need some work. It may be for no other reason than to help foster continued (progressive) humility in our hearts and lives.
In those moments when I arise from begging God to help me and he hasn't removed that lust, I have to be willing to accept that God's ways are not my ways, his thoughts are above my thoughts. I see in part right now. I don't see the whole picture at all.
I truly believe that while yes, God sometimes does remove the temptation or the desire when we submit to him in prayer, there are times when...well...we have to draw upon the resources he has given us already to Just Say No. We will still FEEL like eating, we will still feel like maybe even rebelling, but God wants us to depend on the strength of His Spirit in us to SAY NO even when we feel the temptation. That same power that raised Christ from the dead is there for me to rise above the pull of ANY temptation.
The freedom in Christ we have been given is not always a "delivered" kind of freedom, but it will always be the freedom to be able to CHOOSE to resist temptation. The power of the Spirit enables us to say no, if we are willing. If we wait for the desire to be removed, we may get angry with God (pride) as he isn't "living up to his end of the bargain." The fact is, he has given us everything we need for life and godliness (from 2 Peter 1:3). In Titus 2:12 we are told that this same grace that brings us salvation teaches us to say NO to ungodliness and worldly passions...clearly we wouldn't be told to say NO to worldly passions if the passions were to instantly evaporate every time with a prayer, reading or a song. Those worldly passions may remain even after these things. If that happens, we must choose, with an act of our will, to do what we KNOW is right. This is part of our spiritual formation and transformation. We have to Just Say No.
While we are told in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that God will provide a way out so we won't be tempted beyond what we can bear, we aren't told it will always be an *easy* way out. Sometimes the way out is through...we must fix our eyes on Jesus and follow his example in enduring suffering and scorn the shame (Hebrews 12:1-3). As we fix our eyes on him who endured opposition from sinful men, we will see that no...it is not going to be easy...He says in Hebrews 12:4 that we have not yet resisted to the point of shedding our blood as He has. He is our example! If we are to know Christ and to share in the fellowship of Jesus' sufferings (Philippians 3:10) then we will say NO to our flesh and yes to what we know is godly.
In Gethsemane, Jesus asked God the Father to choose another way other than the cross for His will to be done...I don't think his desire for another way was *removed* from him. Instead he said, "Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done..." (Luke 22:42) We are called to do the same...to choose to go through, past and beyond our own worldly passions... to that place of saying even when God doesn't remove the temptation: "Not my will, but YOURs be done, Lord."
That is what I mean by saying "practice having a soft heart." In the moment I feel tempted, what would I do if I had a soft heart? If Jesus were, in that moment, my "first love?" I would heed the call of God willingly and with praise and thanksgiving (Rev. 2:3-5). In the moment when my heart is *not* soft, I can choose to practice having a soft heart, doing the things I would do if I did have a soft heart. With an act of my will, I say no to sin and yes to God. I redirect my thoughts...I give Him my lusts.
We have a choice when we are faced with temptation. Pray, yes...most definitely. Maybe God WILL remove the desire. But if he doesn't, with a humble heart, I choose to draw upon the resources he made available to me through his sacrifice on the cross. I choose with an act of my will to Just Say No.
(Nuts, this is sure beating me upside the head...funny how God does that...)
Hope someone who reads this gets encouraged. Stand firm. Let NOTHING move you. Always give yourself FULLY to the work of the Lord! (1 Corinthians 15:58)
Let's DO it, folks! I need you asking me if I am living up to what I am posting, too! :-)
My horsemanship journey is intricately connected with my walk with God. I can't segregate the two at all.
This is a video of Harley and I on our first ride. God is calling me to faith...to let go of fear. He is doing this in my horsemanship and in my walk with him. It is a high calling for me.
I have just finished watching video session 8 in Living Beyond Yourself, a Beth Moore bible study that is available online. I wanted to share something that is applicable to my walk as I seek to give the Lord food, eating, self-perception...Beth encourages us at any point in time...or maybe as we have been studying spiritual warfare and taking our thoughts captive, we could use these thoughts to do our battle:
WHO AM I AGREEING WITH? Satan, who has a mouth full of lies or God who is reliable, trustworthy and true? We know by how we live who we are agreeing most with. If we are agreeing with God, we will live victoriously on a consistent basis. If we are defeated on a consistent basis we are believing the enemy on a consistent basis. It is as if we are agreeing with the enemy who accuses us: “You are right, that IS who I am..this is the only way I will ever be…”
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I just feel convicted that today, I will not agree with Satan. Will you join me? Let's reject his lies and embrace the truth of the One who paid the price for us to be free.
As Jacki Barineau says (a friend who has released 116+ pounds), "Jesus laid down his life for me, will I not lay down a little food for him?"
Believe God.
Reject lies spewed by Satan.
Well, this is ridiculous. I am feeling flat out sorry for myself and there is chocolate everywhere. So am I living in the freedom that God has shown me for the past however many months? No. Instead, I am eating it...without much care given to a "soft heart" or 0 or 5 or whatever else.
I have bronchitis (and a fever tonight), poison oak that I seem to have gotten from the dog being out in the backyard (hubby removed it all today), and to add insult to injury some of the ulcer meds aren't being covered by my insurance. Good grief! I am just flat out complaining tonight!
I know that God wants my thoughts...he showed me with horses last weekend what he wants for me. He showed me this week in a very practical way, too. I am acting like I don't learn so well, though. It is like the lessons he works on with me aren't "sticking." What is up with that?
Well, enough of that.
Yes, I love the triple chocolate cake, the Ben and Jerry's....and yada yada....I keep meaning well. Helloo???? I have been practicing a hard heart so it sure seems like that is what I am creating. Practice makes perfect. Bah humbug!
Time to observe and correct. Confess and repent.
Yes, I am a BIG SWEET A-HOLIC, but I thought I was done with that forever. Nope. Apparently, not so.
You know, someone once warned me that walking in victory, we are just moments away at any time from slipping back into our old ways. A little pride, a little apathy, a little decision to choose our own way and presto...I could wake up 70 pounds heavier again wondering what happened and how did I get here? Been there, done that!
NO WAY. I choose NOT to let that happen.
One lesson the Lord has been trying to show me...fear is the opposite of faith. This is an interesting concept to me...Beth Moore brought it to the forefront in my Living Beyond Yourself bible study and my horse showed me how true it is in practice. When I am fearful of Harley (my horse) and how he might act, I can't act in faith. Acting in faith with him brings confidence that, as I remain steady for him, he will have a change in thought and action...and be ok about things when he is with me--calmer, happier. When I stay steady in faith as I work with him, being certain of what I hope for and confident of what I do not yet see, I keep with things and there *will* be a change for the better...I can't be fearful in that situation. Given fear has eroded my horsemanship over the past 2 years, this is profound to me!
But this is true in my Thin Within walk, too. I have wondered if I should shoot for releasing another 10 pounds or not. Or, because I like multiples of 5, another 11 (bringing my total released to 75). That has such a nice sound to it....but there is pride again. What if God doesn't want that for me? (I wonder if my desire is "faith based" or "fear based!")
I can tell pride has a hold of me not only because of my crazy behavior with eating all the stuff, but also because I have been evaluating what the best "After" photo would look like. GAGAMAGGOT! Is that not PRIDE? Is that not ARROGANCE? God has exposed it and I will reject camping there. If he wants me to have a photo taken so people can compare and be encouraged, that is one thing and I trust he will make it evident. But for me to parade around like I am such a hot ticket...goodness. That is from the pit of hell. Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall. No wonder I have found myself face first in the triple layer chocolate cake!!!! God wants me to see how easily I could return to where I was before HE rescued me! I must return to my gratitude blog...gratitude makes it next to impossible to be pride-full.
My thoughts are rambling tonight. I am sick...guess I said that already...
I need my bed I think.
Today was weigh in day. With the weird month I had...bloating up 12 pounds, my GI tract all sploogied and the ulcer and all...well, I wasn't sure what today would bring. I have felt a bit like I am floundering.
But the good news is that I am down 64 from where I began in November.
The thing is, I really need to learn to listen to God and heed his voice. I tend to minimize that it is really his voice, I think. When my body was reliable (before the ulcer), things were so concrete. Of course, I *thought* I was listening to Him then, too. Maybe now he is showing me that I was really turning 0 and 5 into a law instead of tuning into him. I know this is part of what this is about. Now I really have to evaluate if my flesh is working overtime to deceive me or if I am hearing from God. I am not doing so well with this.
While it hasn't resulted in any wanton rebellious eating or anything, it still bothers me that this is where pride lurks. MY way. Even subtly...I don't like that.
I want not to minimize the involvement God wants to have in my life.
