God Is Doing a New Thing

I am one that typically doesn't like to beat around the bush. It just never seems to serve any purpose but to massage away truth, so why do it?

Today's lesson in The Lord's Table workbook hits the nail on the head.

For the years that I carried 100 pounds of extra weight, I don't think I would have been terribly receptive to the message shared in the lesson in TLT today. In fact, in spite of my being somewhat direct usually, I hesitate sharing it on the blog here. I know that many who come along to this blog will see this entry as their first exposure possibly to Thin Within...

Rather than having anything I post here be used to heap condemnation on the soft-hearted sojourner, I want to remain sensitive to the tender one who is earnestly seeking the Lord (possibly through tears...) about how to break free from habitual struggles with overeating and lethargy.

Someone reading this feels emprisoned in their body...she wants so desperately to break out. The last thing I want is for anything posted here to be used of the enemy to add yet more shackles of shame or guilt to the prison...The Lord has blown the door of the prision cell!

In a nutshell, a summary of today's lesson in TLT workbook...

Those of us struggling with our weight often are dealing with...well, very specifically...with gluttony and laziness.

Ouch.

Gluttony and laziness are sins for which
Jesus was crucified, and from which we can become completely free, by His grace. (TLT, p. 164)

[Gasp!] "How did THAT get there?"

Have you ever looked in the mirror--maybe first thing in the morning or, perhaps, on your way out from using the restroom--and seen some unsightly blemish or smudge or...well, whatever it may be...right there in the middle of your face?

I tend not to be one of those who uses make-up. It isn't by way of a "godliness" thing for me, frankly. It is because I am quite lazy and quite active. It never seems to be worth it to primp to look good, only to go out and sweat myself back into my "natural" unkempt state! But I know that I am a bit unusual for a woman my age.


It seems like everywhere I go, from Sam's Club to a fancy orchestra performance, women are looking in the mirror and stopping to "fix" whatever it is they see.

Can you imagine if one of them had a big smudge of dirt or something across their foreheads, they looked, saw it and just shrugged and headed off? Most women wouldn't dream of doing that. Why would they bother to look in the mirror in the first place?

For years, I basically did this in a more extreme way. I tried to *avoid* looking in the mirror or in reflective glass so I would NOT see myself. Whenever I *did* get a look, I was shocked at the size of my body. I would quickly try--intentionally--to forget what I looked like. If I could do that, then, I defectively reasoned, I wouldn't have to deal with the facts and all the implications.

This was no way to become healthy. This was denial in its purest, most dangerous form physically.

It is probably easy to read that admission of mine and to consider it rather stupid. After all, denying that it is true doesn't mean it *isn't* true. Pretty easy to see, right?

Yet, how often do I do that with the Word of God? James 1:21-25 says that if I read what is in the Word and don't do what it says, I am exactly like the person who looks in the mirror and then goes off forgetting what he has seen. I am just like I was when I would try to deny the truth of what was reflected back to me when I was so large...or if I go into the bathroom after working out in the forest, moving gravel, cutting up felled trees with my husband and fail to deal with the smudge of green gunk across my forehead.

How ridiculous is it to take time to be in the Word of God and yet not DO what it says? God's Word is there to show me what I need to allow God's grace at work in me to change. If I read the Word, then close the cover and head off to do my life, I am not only missing it, but I am likely feeding spiritual pride in a BIG way.

In fact, I have often taken great pride in all of my bible study experience. I have shelves and shelves of completed workbooks, Community Bible Study notebooks and have *even* written bible studies (are you impressed yet?). For years, I have loved to read God's Word, to study it and memorize it. I will quote it copiously in my prayers and when speaking to Christian friends and when called to speak to women's groups. (Ok, so NOW you simply MUST be impressed...right?)

Yet how often do I let it get through to where I live? I mean, how many bible studies do I NEED? How many more bible study blanks do I need to fill out on the subject of honoring God with my body before I DO IT?

It is a ruse, see? It is a way of being in denial. Of deflecting what is needed. If I can point to my "godly" knowledge of scripture, then maybe I don't have to deal with the facts. It is the same thing as what I did when I pretended that I didn't SEE the reflection that proved I was carrying 100 pounds of extra weight. Only it is much worse...

Jesus described it this way in Luke 6:47-49:

The lesson today brought to the forefront that we should make it our priority each morning to come to God's Word first and foremost to obtain happiness in the Lord...not to let go of His Word until we experience His deep nourishment in our souls.

This isn't to be done so that we can share with others or have an idea of what to say to them or to get input about ministry. This is done merely to feed our souls.

When I gave up aspartame--the artificial flavoring that makes diet sodas taste so good--it was as if I had taken the lid off of Pandora's Box...out came reality! I discovered that I had never dealt with an "issue" of mine...even through the year of steady weight release and the subsequent year of maintaining my new weight. I had a "thing" --a BIG THING-- for sweets!

A couple of years after Michaela was born (I think this was about 1996), I had a serious flirtation with being a distance runner. I had never been a runner and because of some health problems that had derailed my obsessive fitness craze, I wanted to return to something just as obsessive (I guess) but without being able to compare my current "performance" with a previous one. Running was safe since I had never had even the remotest interest in being a runner.

During my flirtation with running, I learned a great deal about the Christian life--God used my training runs to teach me so much and when I finally ran the San Francisco Marathon, I took a little booklet with me that I had made ahead of time. Each page represented a mile. I had written down quotes, verses, and people to pray for on each page...so for that mile, I would use those cues to help me focus on something other than how miserable I was :-) and when I passed the mile marker, I would tear the corner off the page. It was an absolutely wonderful growing, learning experience.

I can fear starting things because of hating to "fail," so even crossing the marathon starting line was a HUGE victory! The fact that I finished the marathon at all, made me the winner from where I sat! (Even if it was after everyone else had gone home! LOL!)

Today's lesson brought up wonderful points from Hebrews 12:1-4 and 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 .

When I began training, I couldn't wear my old tennies and sweats. Instead, I wore the lightest possible clothing that would do the job. The shoes had to be supportive, but light--well made as we were going to be running 100s of miles in preparation for the marathon.

Once I got into running, I would never have imagined putting the old clothes back on for an 18 mile training run...they were too heavy and floppy and would hold me back from being the best I could possibly be.

Likewise, these scriptures teach us to throw off sin and anything that entangles. ANYthing that could hold us back from being the best that the Lord wants us to be in this course called life.

Once I got to San Francisco, I would never have dreamed of trying to tackle the sometimes hilly marathon course with a backpack filled with books on my back, for instance. There are some things, that while not sin, are going to hold me back.

I am called to throw off all of it. Anything that even hinders me. This is one reason why I have chosen not to drink nutrasweet any more. I could see that it was hindering me. Also, this is why I have chosen to get rid of the bathroom scale...while not "sin," it was a hindrance. I had to throw these things off!

Anyone who runs a race must not only throw off all excess weight and avoid anything that encumbers, but they must also have a well-defined goal. (TLT, p. 151)

What I fix my eyes, my hopes, my heart on...that will affect how well I run, how I persevere.

If a thought came into my mind to top off my dinner with a large milk shake I would obey the thought. I was literally a slave to my cravings. But now I am instructed to turn things around, to make my body my slave. In other words, I am to master my cravings, and make my body subservient to my spiritual desires to honor the Lord in all things. (TLT, p. 151)

Focusing our lives on Jesus will enable us to throw off all excess weight and anything that hinders, keep us from becoming entangled in sin, help us to exercise self-control in all things, enable us to discipline our bodies and make them our slaves. This is the heart of the matter, fixing our eyes on Jesus Christ. (TLT, p. 151)

The antidote to growing weary and losing heart is to look to Jesus, to consider Him, to focus upon Him and follow Him. If we consider Jesus Christ we will see that He did everything in His life on earth from a motivation to glorify God, and we are reminded to have the same motive. As we focus on Him we will see the One who endured hostility and opposition, yet pressed on, not turning back or giving in, and we are challenged to press on. As we contemplate Christ, we see Him endure suffering in His flesh to the point of shedding His blood for our sins, and we are reminded to endure, to persist, to persevere. This is the value of looking to Jesus. This is the importance of focusing on Him. If we look to Him, we cannot grow weary or lose heart and give up. (TLT, p. 151)

I want to finish this race. And I know that the only way I can finish strong is by focusing on Jesus, the one who is my example. He inspires and motivates me. When I consider all He has done for me, it seems crazy that I would not let go of some bites of food, or set aside something that hangs me up...for Him. He is so worthy.

The thing about blabbing to the world via a blog or Facebook or the Thin Within forums, is that the "world" may be watching to see what happens next. I have this very real sense...arrogant and erroneous as it may be...that the peanut gallery awaits, wondering how I did with my self-required fasting of sweets through Christmas Eve and...well...now what?

So here is my "report." (Sound of the "tooting of own horn" may be heard in the background...)

Through Christmas Eve, I did "well." Not perfectly, but almost completely without sweets. I did feel like I lived up to my promise to the Lord pretty well. (More tooting of own horn...)

...SPLAT!!!!!!....

Pride comes before a fall. So the sound you just heard (following the "tooting of own horn") is that of a face plant...yes, my own...firmly...

Had you seen me yesterday, you would have thought that I was a raving lunatic...anything and everything that had any sugar content in it at all was eagerly "inhaled" outside of appropriate boundaries. I was a crazed person. I didn't see this coming. I didn't feel insane...but my actions betray my mental capacity at the time...Scratch that. I can't blame it on being "insane" or a deficient mental capacity. I knew exactly what I was doing. And I had an "in your face" prideful attitude about it toward God and anyone who would dare to cast a "knowing" look my way at all!

No, I don't feel like it was a "deprivation" reaction at all. I felt no deprivation through the 10 days (or so) that I fasted sweets. I felt peace and joy.

I think it was, simply, PRIDE.

Today's lesson in The Lord's Table workbook is called "Key to Victory--Ongoing Humility."

This is one of the things that I have found to be VERY true, in fact, on this journey to release weight, to release attitudes that don't honor the Lord, and to continue to grow in Him in a way that enables me to honor him with my eating, drinking...and, well, LIFE! If I don't obtain and maintain and attitude of humility, all is lost for that moment, that hour, that day...

That is what happened to me yesterday.

I share this by way of confession.

Pride causes my guard to be down. I end up "trusting myself" that I can "handle it." Combine that with an attitude of "God you are so blessed that I would honor you with my life! I have just really impressed you, haven't I!"

Then, I minimize eating anything at all outside of 0 and 5...and in my case, God has shown me clearly that this is an attitude of pride. (Well, duh...one doesn't need to be brilliant to see that!)

Once pride is allowed to grow unhindered in any moment at all, it goes nuts like the blackberry brambles I wrote about last summer...it takes over. Like it did for me yesterday until I was literally inhaling all the sugar that was in the house...and that at my relatives', too. Homemade chocolate truffles, apple pie, peanut butter cup ice cream, lemon bars, homemade cinnamon rolls, Sees candy...and on and on it seems to go. Can you believe it?

So this lesson this morning in TLT workbook, really came home to me. I know this is truth. I have experienced it over the last 2 years and I saw it up close and personal yesterday.

Now we understand what we did wrong, and we get back on our knees (the Christian's fighting position), humble ourselves before the Lord and ask Him once again for forgiveness and grace. We see how bankrupt we are in ourselves, how needy we are of the Lord, and how dependent we are on Him to win this battle...

Right here, in this position, is where we will win this battle. Right here, in the presence of Almighty God, with our hearts bowed in submission to Him, with the stark realization that we can do nothing apart from Him, is where the flesh loses all its power and where we gain true spiritual strength to mortify the members of our body which are on the earth (Romans 8:13). This attitude of "Help me God lest I perish" and "Give me Jesus or I'll spin out of control" is the attitude that will win this battle for a lifetime.

(TLT, p. 146-147)

The lesson goes on to describe how one can foster an attitude of humility. This is a great lesson--one of the best in the workbook.

What are ways I will proceed to foster an attitude of humility?

1.) Be sure to begin the day with focused time with the Lord, recommitting myself to His Lordship, taking in His Word, inviting the conviction of the Spirit, time of prayer.

2.) Practicing gratitude through my gratitude blog - It is impossible for pride to continue when I praise God for what He has done and is doing in my life.

3.) For a while, I will choose to add an additional focused time with the Lord in my life...even if it is just 10 minutes...in the mid-afternoon. I begin the day with a posture of humility and then by mid-day I operate as a practical atheist :-( acting independently of the Lord and His will.

4.) I will continue to use the 60-60 experiment from Soul Revolution to reconnect with God each hour. I will choose to stop whatever I am doing and intentionally recommit to the Lord's authority in my life, stating affirmations such as, "Lord, I acknowledge you are the potter and I am the clay. I choose YOUR will in this moment."

5.) I may need to build a weekly fasting day into my life...or every so often anyhow. I know that a single day fasting of food altogether is something God has used powerfully in my life in the past...not for the purpose of weight loss...or maintenance, but for prayer, to help me be dependent on him. When I am hungry, I sense better than ever that I am at his mercy and have such great need of him. The spiritual fruit from a day spent that way seems to go on.

Lord, I confess that my pride got me into trouble yesterday. I thank you for your forgiveness. In my arrogance, I strutted around, patting myself on the back for having "fasted sweets" for a period of time...Lord, I know that even wanting to do that was your doing in my life. Your strength and power enabled me to do so...it had nothing to do with anything in myself. Yet I allowed myself to consider defective, faulty thoughts of self-glorification. It got me into trouble and my heart was revealed for what it was. I am so thankful for grace, Lord. I resolve to live differently today. I affirm that you are the potter, I am the clay. Have your way with me, Lord. Not my will, but thine be done.

Here in California, we are often referred to as being "fruity" and "nutty." It comes with the territory, I guess. I mean, no offense to Arnold Schwarzenegger fans, but only in California could we elect "The Terminator" or "The Predator" to be our governor! Well, it does seem a bit extreme. I know...he has been governor for almost six years, but I still can't get used to it. It just seems to justify the stereotypes that people have of Californians. Fruits and nuts. Yep...that's us.

Are you in a flurry today? Are you busily cleaning your home, pulling together the last minute shopping lists, beginning even to prepare a bit early all that is necessary for a house full of guests? Or perhaps you are busy getting the kids (and husband?) packed for a road trip to go to the relatives' for Christmas. This season...these days just preceding Christmas...are so jammed with BUSY-ness for so many of us! And in our flurry, our spirits and souls get worked into a tizzy so easily. We can even get agitated and irritable...all in keeping with "the spirit of the season!" Go figure!

Martha was like this in Luke 10:38-42 .

Imagine that as you are busy doing all your preparations, your husband or kids or someone who is supposed to be helping you is sitting on her bum with her bible open...serene look on her face. And all while you are working, knocking yourself out for others! Boy, that would be tough to stomach, wouldn't it?

Martha had trouble with it, too.

Today's lesson in The Lord's Table workbook piggy-backs well on to the message to "Seek First God and His Kingdom" from yesterday.

The author has the participant look deeply at the Mary and Martha passage. There is a lot there. Jesus, after all, in verse 42 says that Martha is worried and bothered about so many things (can you relate?), but only one thing is necessary. Apparently, Mary had chosen that one thing--to sit at the Lord's feet, to be still and know.

I don't want to "ruin" this lesson for those of you who may be going through the workbook or may be considering purchasing it, but this is so rich, I don't want anyone left out! I will just include teasers here. I found this study very rich and encouraging.

Being still and sitting at the Master's feet:

1. Indicates humility.

One of the things that is at the top of my personal list when someone asks me "What made the difference for you this time when you began to 'do' Thin Within? Why has it 'worked' this time after all the years of failure before?" And I have to say that God has brought home the message that my pride is what causes me to grab at more food than is my allotted portion. So doing what I can to retrain an attitude of humility is vital. Mind you, I don't always succeed, but one reason why I have a gratitude blog is to keep myself aware of the fact that God is God and I am not. This helps me to be humble. I don't tend to grab for MY "rights," MY way, MY food or insist that this is MY body quite so frequently when I intentionally try to esteem God as God and take a posture of appropriate lowliness. Not self-debasement. That isn't what the Lord wants, but of an awareness that I am the clay and HE is the potter.

2. Indicates Submission

When I sit at the feet of Jesus each day and throughout the day ask Him humbly what HIS will in this moment, for this conversation, how he wants me to spend my energies, I am saying I am willing to do what He says. He is my authority. I am surrendering my will to His. Scriptures say that when I submit to the Lord, I will have peace. I have found this to be true.

3. Indicates a spirit of LEARNING

I have done this Thin Within thing for a long time. I collaborated on the book with the Hallidays and co-wrote the first release of the Thin Within workbook (which has since been edited by many talented others). I literally "wrote the book" if you will. I don't say that in arrogance, as God called me to do that before I had strung together two victorious days in a row. I was still struggling in habitual sin and didn't have a clue.

That said, I have found that I have so much to learn. This isn't about eating, weight, and all of that. It is about following hard after the Lord. This is a lifetime journey. It doesn't end. Ever. I have so much to learn. In humility, with a spirit of submission, I want to follow Mary's example and choose to learn from Jesus. There is peace in that place.

4. Incidates Faith.

The very fact that Mary sat at Jesus' feet indicates that she believed something was going to happen...that she was on the edge of her seat, if you will. She anticipated being transformed, growing...How like Mary I want to be. I want to believe Jesus and what He says is true now. I want to believe him for what he says he is doing...I want to wait on him and anticipate all that he promises to come to fulfillment.

Mike Cleveland points out that it is by faith that we gain victory over our sin. I have to believe that if I deny my flesh that God is taking this as a deposit in changing, transforming my character--not just my body.

5. Indicates a Holding to His Teaching

I am to hear, believe and obey like Mary did. John 8 says that if I hear, believe, and obey, I will know the truth and the truth will set me free.

6. Indicates a Loving of the Lord Jesus

I want to pursue a love relationship with him as my one holy obsession. I want to grow to know Him more. As I do, I know I can't help but to love him more. As I love him more, I want to be humble, submit, learn from, believe, and hold to his teaching...it is a big wonderful cycle that infuses more love into my heart for him which in turn infuses more willingness to surrender and obey.

All which comes by "doing" this "one thing." Sitting at his feet.

I want to sit at his feet each morning, but God is also showing me that throughout the day, even in the midst of moving my own feet, being about my own busy-ness, I can still my heart and know that He is God, rekindle my awareness of Him. The Soul Revolution 60-60 experiment is a great way to do this...and it helps a lot.

Starting my day with a focused time with the Lord helps me so very much. I am so thankful that He is ever mindful of me.

Too Close to the Fire

I have an insane, neurotic golden retriever. I think she was a puppy mill puppy...too much inbreeding or something that messed with her head. We rescued her when she was 7 months old. She really has all kinds of bizarre behaviors. Just now she reminded me of myself...

...she likes to sit right UNDER the wood burning stove. In fact, she sits so close to it that she has singed her eyebrows every year we have had her. I don't know if she gets such comfort being near the heat or what it is.

Frankly, I think she sits there because she wants to be sure that if any reflections or lights or shadows "escape" from the fire, she is there to chase them down. She is obsessed by lights, reflections and shadows. Things without substance.

She is so drawn to whatever it is, that she doesn't sense that being that close to the fire is *harmful*. There is something about being there that she so fixates on that she misses this important thing. Whatever reward there is for her in being near the fire, there are potentially devastating detriments. She could singe not just her eyebrows, but her fur and skin.

How like her I am...I tend to play, rest, nestle in too close to the fire, fixating on something that has my attention, failing to be vigilant--often, I fixate on something that is sin...or at the very least lacks substance and in my fixation I fail to see how near the fire I am and the potential consequences to my lack of vigilance.

Today's lesson in The Lord's Table workbook deals with this very issue. I found it especially pertinent as I look toward the end of my fasting of sweets to the Lord. I have been obsessing about this. Am I not playing too close to the fire, perhaps? I am obsessing about this when maybe God just wants me to keep a good distance from *FIRE* and allow HIM to fill my vision. Instead of fixating on things that lack substance--all the what IFs--maybe just cling to Him and heed his call. If Daisy, our golden retriever, would listen to us and stay away from the fire, she wouldn't have to worry about being burned.

If I choose in the days ahead to allow the LORD to fill my vision, if I turn away from what ifs and obsessive thoughts about "Can I handle it?" I am convinced he will show me the way, HIS way...to enjoy the blessings he offers without being burned by my lack of vigilance.

The objective of today's lesson is to increase our awareness of the purpose of sin and the devil. We must know that they are out to devour and consume us. (TLT, p. 131)

I want to stand clear of the fire and focus on the Lord.

Therefore, let us not expend energy thinking about food; that is, counting calories, reading labels, or fixating on food in any other manner. It is far more important that we consider how we may fatten up our souls that it is how we may slim down our bodies. Food and our physical bodies are temporary. Eat in moderation, enjoy what you eat, and then get on with what is truly of value--pursuing intimacy with Jesus Christ. (TLT, p. 132)

It is ironic, isn't it? Yesterday's lesson was about pursuing pleasure for all I am worth! Pleasure in the Lord, that is...true soul satisfying pleasure! That lesson was fun to write about as I know that the Lord truly does "deliver!"

Today's lesson is a reminder that this road--LIFE--will be filled with suffering. In fact, I am called to suffer. Eek! Who likes to be reminded of that! The focus passage for the lesson is below though the author uses a different translation:

We are to chase hard after pleasure. Yes! You read right!

The catch is...the fact that we were made for God and specifically to worship Him, we are most delighted in our seeking after pleasure when we chase hard after the pleasure found in the Lord--it is the only true satisfying pleasure we will be able find.

But get this...John Piper, who is the premier encourager of this philosophy in modern Christianity, also teaches that God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him. (Visit this link to read more from John Piper's website.)

I love that this is truth. (John Piper calls this "Christian Hedonism.")

Today's lesson pointed out that this journey isn't about squelching our pleasure. This is easy for me to see right now. When I sense the Lord saying, "This...this...this...surrender this..." and I do and then we move on to another "This...this...this...surrender this..." I could easily end up feeling...well, RIPPED OFF!

But He is showing me that the joy and delight and pleasure and satisfaction that I have tried to find in diet soda and sweets (for instance) was never satisfied...never realized...there was always a longing for more...they couldn't do it for me. It is Him. HIM. He alone can satisfy the longing. He IS pleasure! Delight! Satisfaction and joy!

So as I relinquish my food, my drink, my ______ to the Lord, it isn't about giving up. It is about that "making room" concept again. Making room for HIM, for TRUE joy, delight and pleasure to flood my heart like a wave!

Today's lesson in The Lord's Table workbook offered a variety of scriptures to look up and respond to...all about the pleasure found in the Lord.

HE PROMISES TO BE OUR JOY, OUR DELIGHT. If we chase hard after Him, seeking pleasure in HIM, we will not be disappointed!

Let's not be Eeyore Christians who wander around, heads down, "Thanks for noticing..." "I am just suffering for the Lord...it is sooooo wonderful. Praise the Lord..." (All said with that low "Eeyore" sort of voice that is totally lack-luster and devoid of sincerity...)

Let's rejoice that God is revealing Himself to us! He is making HIS PRESENCE, POWER, and PROVISION known! As we become empty, he floods all the empty places of our lives. There is no room for longing except for more of Him and He answers gladly that call!

What can so motivate my heart with love and joy that I don't want to go back to overeating? We have a Savior Who has come to us in passion! He has come not only to suffer and die to remove the penalty of our sins, but to live in our hearts and ravish us with love. Oh, how He does delight the soul and stir the affections. Oh how pleasurable it is to live in love with Him. (TLT, p. 125)

Once we taste of the joy that is found in Him we won't want to go back to the pleasures of overeating. (TLT, p. 126)

Today's lesson was basically a piggy back on to yesterday's. The Lord nourishes us through his word and our application of it, so the author offered scripture after scripture with the question being: "Think on [the scripture] and write down how you will apply them in your life..."



I won't share any more on this lesson here, but rather share something else that God has laid on my heart in a new journal entry.

Who do you think you are? Do you think of yourself as a fat person? A slob? A glutton? Or do you embrace the identity that Christ died to attribute to you, to infuse into your reality? If you have identified Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then you are a saint, saved by grace, a part of a royal priesthood, a daughter (or son) of the King, holy and precious, redeemed and called before the foundation of the earth!

So who DO you think you are?

When I was training for marathons, I embraced the identity of "runner." Because of who I felt I was, the shoes I wore on my feet *all* the time were different. (There are certain shoes that identify a person as a runner. :-)) I wore certain clothes with specific labels and logos. I read certain books and had certain types of magazines sent to my home. I ate a specific way and specific things...sometimes even on the run! Not many people do that if they aren't training for a long run!

When I thought of myself as a glutton, do you know how I lived? I lived like I *was* a glutton. I hid myself behind baggy clothes, sat on my rear a lot, didn't want to go anywhere and definitely did NOT run, let alone eat on the run. I ate in the car, ate standing in the kitchen, ate all the time...after all I was convinced I was undisciplined and a sloth. So...well, I lived like I was.

We are likely to LIVE like that which we believe we ARE.

This is a truth taught in scripture and it is highlighted in the Thin Within book and in this lesson of The Lord's Table workbook, as well.

When the Lord takes over a life, he doesn't just save us from eternal judgment. He saves us from what we have been. He attributes to us an entirely NEW identity. Sure we struggle with sin at times, but our sin DOES NOT DEFINE US. GOD defines us!

Here is a truth, though. The same grace that brings salvation also teaches us to say no to ungodliness. There will be, babystep by babystep, progress toward living a more surrendered life. The Lord's Spirit imparted to us ensures this is so.

So sure, we WERE gluttons. We WERE sloths. But NO MORE! You may argue "But I KNOW I am a glutton and a sloth! I prove it all day every day!"

I challenge you...embrace the identity that GOD has imparted to you. BELIEVE GOD. (Notice I didn't say believe IN God!). Believe what HE says is true about you. That HE CHOSE you before the foundation of the earth to be holy and blameless in His sight. In LOVE he predestined YOU to be adopted as His precious child! If you believe these things, what GOD says to be true of you, you will be amazed at how your actions will line up with these beliefs. I have seen it in my own life and I know you can see it in yours, too!

Christians are no longer who they used to be. (TLT, p. 119)

We do what is according to our nature. If we are sinners who are trying to be good we will inevitably fall. But if we are saints, who occasionally stumble and sin, then our nature is such that we hate sin, and our habitual pattern of life will be to walk in righteousness. (TLT, p. 119)

We should no longer see ourselves as overeaters...instead, come up with names that we can use to identify ourselves with our "new man!" (TLT, p. 120)

If we are in Christ we are not who or what we were. My identity is not in being a fat person any longer. (TLT, p. 120)

Choose to believe God today!

If we are not feeding on God's Word our spiritual strength begins to wane, we become malnourished...If we weaken spiritually we lose our resolve to fight, we have no strength to overcome temptation, and we settle in to living under the power of sin... (TLT, p. 115)

If you have followed the blog here for any length of time, you may realize that while having lost 100 pounds and kept it off for over a year, I nevertheless don't feel like "the work is done." There is definitely some work to be done in my heart and mind. It is like the inside of the glutton still lives on, even though the body physically is where it should be. I know there *have* been many changes, but I see just how perilously close I am to becoming what I once was, I guess. My weakness is so clearly before me.

This really came home over the weekend. I felt no resolve. I was weakened and did "settle in" to a way of life I have resisted (by the skin of my teeth) for a long while. I spent a good deal of time processing yesterday's lesson on perseverance (though I didn't write that process here...I wrote about it at the Thin Within forums, instead).

One at a time, I have to stop leaning so hard on the crutches in my life. The only crutch that I want is my relationship with Jesus. He is to be my strength, my nourishment, that which I look toward, my soul delights in...I came face to face with how much this was NOT happening. I was excited about cookies, donuts, ice cream. There is nothing wrong with these things, but I was beginning to live for them again. I could see it. So, I felt the Lord's leading to give these things...all of them to him for a week. It seems so silly now...making such a huge deal of it here. But it HAS been a HUGE deal to me!

Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by anything. - 1 Corinthians 6:12

I don't want anything to master me except God. I want one Holy Obsession...HIM. Him alone.

Today's lesson is a reiteration that the foundation of The Lord's Table is that the Lord is the Bread of Life. Coming to Him to allow myself to be nourished will satisfy me in the deep places where I hunger.

However, this lesson goes a bit deeper. To read the Word isn't enough. I have to DO what it says. So when I read 1 Corithians 6:12, for instance, and sense in my heart that there is something that has mastered me...(in my case "sweets")...I have something I am called to do about it.

It is not just reading "the words of faith" that causes us to be nourished, but rather the applying of them to our lives. (TLT, p. 116)

Jesus said that his food was to do the will of Him who sent Him (John 4:31-34). How much more do I need to depend on this "food"...which is to do God's will. When I sense what God's will is, I am to act, to do it. Then my heart is nourished, my soul will flourish. Then I will be strengthened spiritually, as physical food nourishes physically, to be able to do the things I need to, such as to resist temptation...to say "No" to eating outside of godly parameters, for instance.

In order to live right, which certainly includes eating right, we must grow spiritually. In order to grow we must take in nourishment. We are nourished by God's Word as we read and obey it and do God's will. It is this application of Scripture, or the doing of God's will, that brings nourishment to us. (TLT, p. 116)

What is God's will for you right now? Will you do the hard thing and choose to do it? If you do His will, you will experience a deep nourishment in your soul that strengthens you to continue to make difficult (but God-honoring choices). It is worth it. I have seen this in my own life in recent days as I have given up my HUGE dependency on diet soda and, yesterday, going without indulging my desire for sugary foods. There is something that happens deep in a heart when we do what God lays on our hearts to do.

For me, this is part of my "making room for Him" this Christmas. I have allowed so many other things to crowd out room for Him in my heart. The choices I have been led to make are things I have heard Him asking me to do for a LONG time and have resisted. As I have resisted, I have weakened...there has been less resolve. Truly as if I am starving for nourishment.

But now, as I have chosen to do the hard thing, as I have taken a step of faith to offer more of myself to him (even with resentment at times), there has been a strengthening deep within. What this lesson teaches IS true...there is a nourishment that is infused into the deeper places of my heart when I DO what I know God is calling me to do. When I read His Word and apply it.

It is my prayer that whatever it is God may be calling you to do to honor Him and to make room for Him in your life, you will do it...and be doubly enriched, encouraged and blessed...NOURISHED!

Just some quotes from this morning's lesson:

First of all, let me challenge the common definition of "progress." If we were on a diet, or a weight loss plan or rogram, then "progress" would be defined as losing weight. After all, that is the purpose of the diet, and without weight loss we have made no progress. But we are not on a mere diet; we are making healthy changes in our whole lifestyle (spiritual and physical) so, progress should be defined as purposely enjoying the Lord, eating in a disciplined manner every day, making sure we get a moderate amount of exercise and remaining accountable for these life habits. (TLT, p. 111)

If you count progress as developing a lifestyle that honors the Lord, and now persist in your newly developed lifestyle [of 1.) Delighting the Soul 2.) Disciplining the Body 3.) Developing accountability -- mentioned previously], you will lose the weight and you will keep it off. Learn to focus on habits and lifestyle, not on rapid weight loss and temporary progress. (TLT, p.112)

His strength is made perfect in our weakness, and we can do all things through Him including persevere. Will you? (TLT, p. 113)

This lesson provided an outstanding reiteration of the fact that the Lord alone can provide that which is satisfying. We have been duped by the lure of food and overeating. Overeating has gotten us to a place of difficulty and, often, despair. Mike Cleveland uses the story of the prodigal son to illustrate this.

If we are children of God then whenever we seek satisfaction in anything other than God Himself, He sovereignly brings us into difficulty for the purpose of bringing us to our senses. (TLT, p. 108)

This lesson illustrates the following principles:

1.) Sin's promises are empty
2.) Pursuing sin's allurements leads to difficulty in your life
3.) In order to escape we must come to our senses and begin thinking correctly about ourselves and our situation

When asked "Please record your own experience with these principles. How have you experienced these truths in your own life?" My "short" :-) answer was:

1.) Sin's promises are empty - Food did (and does) not make me happier (except temporarily...and it is always offset by the guilt afterwards). Giving up trying to restrain myself and doing what I pleased didn't bring the relief that it promised. It brought excrutiating emptiness and fear.

2.) Pursuing sin's allurements leads to difficulty in your life - I gained so much weight that I feared I would die suddenly. Because of oveating, I had willingly walked into the possibility of a premature death. I no longer did the things I loved in life--ride my horses, play tennis, travel with my family, play in the snow with them--all because I couldn't enjoy these things physically any more. I was too heavy. All because of an ungodly love for and overindulgence in food. My blood pressure had sky-rocketed. While some of that was due to hereditary factors, it was excessively high due, in part, to my physical condition. I feared a stroke or a heart attack. Understandably so. The shame was overwhelming as well. I wanted to isolate.

3.) In order to escape we must come to our senses and begin thinking correctly about ourselves and our situation - I will never forget laying in bed one night with my heart racing in my chest for the umpteenth night in a row. (This caused me fear, too.) I realized that I was destroying my family just as an unfaithful man does the same for the thrill of his affair. If I died, my family would need to continue without a mother. Who would homeschool my children? What about the care of all the animals who had become so precious to my family? Who would stand in as Mom? My husband works so hard already. Surely I couldn't expect him to do that--and why? All because I loved food so much that I wouldn't deny myself excessive quantities of it? I saw just how ridiculous and stupid this was...not to mention sinful. This was the beginning of my return to the Lord and the surrendering of my eating to Him.

The Lord offers so many blessings. It was impossible for me to truly enjoy them when I rejected His will in the way I would greedily indulge in whatever I wanted to eat all the time. I had erected a wall between the Lord and me. The true feast is found in Him.

While we were all excited about food, which led to our overeating, we were failing to see where the real feast for the soul is. The feast is with the Father. (TLT, p. 109)

This is a powder keg.

"Exercise is a must."

Thin Within doesn't teach this. I believe it is out of respect for those of us who have come out of a background of diet and exercise obsession. I know that I needed the freedom *not* to exercise in order to experience freedom in Christ.

The Lord's Table teaches that...well, "exercise is a must."

To lose weight via the principles of hunger and satisfaction, I don't believe it is generally. Here is what I found. This is important!!! I hope it encourages you.

If we hearken to our God-given signals of hunger and satisfaction, then on the days when our bodies need more fuel, they will be hungry more frequently. I have found in the past when I was more active, that I often was hungry more frequently during that day. When I was sick or less active, I was not nearly so hungry through the day. It does require honesty.

I live a pretty active life with the horses and all that caring for them and the place here entails. I want to go on record as saying vehemently that for those who have physical difficulties of some kind or a current aversion to exercise, to think that they will never be God's ideal weight without exercise is to burden them with a yoke of slavery.

On the other hand, I do believe that exercise is very good for us and this temple that God has entrusted to us. I know that the author of The Lord's Table is concerned that we not feed laziness. Many of us (including me) can make excuses til the cows come home for why we can or should be exempt from routine exercise. It is possible that someone who isn't open to exercise may need to evaluate this prayerfully. Maybe God would have you begin to consider doing a little something. There is *spiritual* value in this IF GOD IS LEADING YOU TO DO IT.

Each person must take this to the Lord prayerfully.

So here are my personal responses to this assertion about "Exercise is a Must." I *am* concerned that if I add an exercise routine to my daily life some things will happen:

1.) I will begin to obsess again.

2.) I will like the physical changes so much that I will freak if I can't exercise each day (I guess this is related to #1 above)

3.) Get overly busy

4.) It will be one more thing that my family has to adjust their lives around for me.

Ok, in the spirit of "truth journaling," let me pick this apart a bit.

1.) I will begin to obsess again. I may begin to obsess, true. However, maybe it is time to leave the "freedom phase" as we say in Thin Within and move on to the "discernment phase." It works with food, so maybe with exercise, too. I am pretty active, true, but could walking 20-30 minutes a day really be so bad? I think if I keep my focus and ambitions pretty moderate (no more marathons!), I don't need to be so concerned about obsession. Maybe God has grown me up in this as he has with the dieting stuff of my past. Maybe it is time. Maybe God has done a work in me in this.

2.) I will like the physical changes so much that I will freak if I can't exercise each day This, too, might be true. But if I do only a moderate exercise program, perhaps the changes externally won't be that big of a deal. I would get the benefits to my cardiovascular system but not end up looking "ripped." No...no strength training this time. LOL! So, again, maybe it is time to *grow up*.

3.) Get overly busy. Right now, my life seems to be in a manageable place. Now is, perhaps, an acceptable time to add something modest into my schedule. I like to make up excuses about why I can't add this or that. Truth is, I have time. I think I *am* lazy, though. I must really make this more a matter of prayer (but not to avoid acting!). There are a lot of things I avoid and I avoid them by trying to appear (or be) busy about *something*. It is time to "come clean" and to bring integrity into this aspect of my life.

4.) It will be one more thing that my family has to adjust their lives around for me. This is definitely a lie. My kids and I all need to do something to get in shape. They may mutiny if I have them walk with me when it is raining...but maybe we can just get some nice big umbrellas and make it workable. My kids need the little bit of activity, too.

So, this all said, I will bring this honestly to God and see what he says about this for me now.

However, I feel it is important for people just beginning Thin Within, certainly, to know that I do NOT agree that "exercise is a must."

Additionally, I know some people are worried when they work out rigorously that they need to have a big meal an hour before hand, hunger or not. I do not agree. I have trained for marathons and been very involved in body building (yes, you read right! LOL!). I learned even then that this wasn't the case.

In recent years when I have exercised (I have done a lot with Dance Praise or a pretty rigorous step workout), I typically am just fine through my workout. I try to plan it so that it comes soon after my breakfast. Then, if I DO get hungry during my workout, I can take a quick break and have some almonds and water. It does the trick.

What I eat for breakfast is also important. I make sure that it is a whole-body pleaser (according to the suggestions taught in Thin Within). This sustains me well.

Anyhow, I will be committing this entire issue to God in prayer again.

For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.

- 1 Timothy 4:8

Clinging to Jesus for all I am worth, I will experience victory over sinful eating habits, a greedy heart that wants more, and seeking joy in any counterfeit.

John 15:4-11 is the focus passage for this lesson.

At the heart of this lesson is:

Truly stopping habits of overeating requires ongoing intimacy with God.

Stated another way, enjoying true intimacy with Jesus Christ breaks the attraction that sin offers. Enjoying Jesus Christ Himself must replace the habit of overeating. (TLT, p. 101)

Since I began the "60-60 Experiment" in Soul Revolution by John Burke I have found this to be true more than ever. In fact being reminded to reconnect with God every 60 minutes isn't frequent enough for me. My mind wanders so easily. For two days I set my watch to beep every 30 minutes. That wasn't enough either (oh, how I wander!). Today, it is set for every 20 minutes.

Basically, this reminder serves to remind me to reconnect, to re-commit and ABIDE in Christ as this passage in John 15 teaches. It is causing me to get to the heart of where I have been wanting so desperately to be and why I chose to focus on this material in The Lord's Table. I know that satisfaction and joy are only found in abiding in Christ, but practically speaking, I had been left with how to truly do that in an ongoing way. I have daily quiet times, pray when I have a mind to (there is the tricky thing...my mind wanders so easily...guess I said that already!), memorize scripture (though not as earnestly as in the past), listen to Christian music and so on...and yet, believe it or not, this hasn't been enough. This has missed it. You know why? Because when push comes to shove, these things are "stuff." Even an unregenerate person can do them...but to welcome a continual, regular reminder of God's presence in my life and to choose to reorient myself no matter what I am doing and praise or thank him, or ask Him for what HE wants in THIS moment...well, that isn't something I would have any interest in doing apart from the Lord being at work in my life.

So, for me...this is the heart of what it means to feast on Christ.

One participant quoted in TLT workbook says: If we remain in Jesus, our souls are nourished, we are fed, we grow and have life." (TLT, p. 101)

Abide in the love of Jesus and your joy will be complete. And if your joy in Jesus is complete, you will not have to look for it anywhere else. Your slavery to sin is broken when your love and joy are complete. (TLT, p. 101)

With the reminder to reconnect with the Lord in regular time increments throughout the day, I can't "follow at a distance" as Peter did in Luke 22:54-62. Following at a distance was the precursor to denying Christ. I won't have that.

As crazy as it may be for now...I will keep my timer beeping constantly at me throughout the day. I trust that the Lord will use this to build in me a habit of *keeping* connected with Him. That is my hope and prayer and then maybe I can graduate to only needing an hourly reminder. I hope so.

I see this as a powerful tool in helping me to live for the Lord. Not just in my eating, but in every way. In my speaking, in my driving, in my thinking, in my living...period. This is teaching me practically what it means to abide in Christ.

Jesus commanded me to abide in Him. When I do, HIS joy will be in me and my joy will be made full. Eating freshly baked brownies or peppermint ice cream can't compare to that. It sounds ridiculous to even imagine that I ever could look to food for joy!

This lesson reviews some vital aspects of The Lord's Table program. I won't rehash the way the lesson is written here, but will share the three fundamental principles that TLT says are needed to experience freedom from overeating. If you have read my entries on TLT, this will be clear already. Reviewing serves to clarify, however. I wholeheartedly agree with these principles:

1.) Delight your Soul.

So often I have turned to food to be my delight. I am praying and actively seeking the Lord as my soul's greatest delight. Honestly, participating in the Soul Revolution's 60-60 experiment is dovetailing beautifully with this. I have set the timer on my watch for every 30 minutes. When it goes off, I reconnect with God, affirm His Lordship, stop sinning (if I am mid-stride into something that might dishonor him), pray for His will in the moment and in the moments to come...Practically, it helps me to really delight in the Lord. Feasting on the Word daily, memorizing it so that it comes to mind readily, journaling what He is teaching me...these are all ways that I can delight my soul in Him so that I am not so tempted to fixate on counterfeits (like food).

2.) Discipline Your Body

The hard truth is, I have to say NO to some things that my flesh wants. If I want a beautiful chair and can rationalize that it would be a great "quiet time chair" for me to snuggle up with my bible in the early mornings, I can't just pull my truck up to the store and walk out with it. I have to say no to my flesh. If I am in a hurry and signal light after signal light has turned red, I can't just go speeding on through. I have to say no to my flesh. Likewise, when my mind turns to food or I start to grab for something when I am not hungry, I have to say no to my flesh. Simply, there is no way to break free without saying no! This is a hard truth. I can honestly say, though, that the more I practice denying my flesh, the easier it gets. Each moment offers opportunity to make a choice. I can say NO to my flesh in this moment...capture it for the Lord and His will and His ways. When I do that, this one moment of denying myself is followed by dozens of moments rejoicing that He enabled me to be obedient and disciplined!

3.) Develop Daily Accountability

This is vital, I believe. I wrote about how to select an accountability partner just about a year ago. No matter where you are on this journey, I think this is vital. Two *are* stronger than one. There is just no way around it. Accountability is a biblical principle for all aspects of our lives. With an accountability partner, not only do we report in and receive loving encouragement, rebuke or praise, but we also are *prayed* for. We need this! If you want to break free from overeating or any habitual sin, you will want DAILY accountability!

A person could probably go through the appearances of having these three things in place in their life, but if the heart change is missing, it will all be for nothing.

Mike Cleveland says: The first step to victory is to seek the Lord for a heart change. We need to pray, "Lord, please remove my love for food, and replace it with a love for You. Help me to use food for it's designed purpose, as that which sustains and nourishes the body. Please give me a new heart, according to Your promise in Ezekiel 36:26." (TLT, p. 98)

This lesson touches on one of the few things that I feel has TRANSFORMED (and continues to transform) my journey down this road. That of contentment or lack thereof.

The discontented heart is always craving; it is never satisfied. (TLT, p. 95)

Discontentment breeds craving. Discontentment breeds addiction and bondage. (TLT, p. 96)

God led me some time ago to begin a gratitude blog specifically to combat a spirit of discontentment and pride. I don't keep it updated, but I do feel that gratitude is becoming more and more a habit of my life.

This lesson in TLT focuses on verses from Numbers 11. Mike Cleveland exposes the fact that a spirit of discontentment can result in craving that which the Lord has not provided. If we give in to this, it will lead potentially to death as it did with the Israelites.

I can definitely identify with this. When I want something outside of godly boundaries, I have a choice. I can think about what I want and what I don't get to have or shouldn't have or all the sacrifices I have to make (can you hear the whine in my voice?), or I can choose to foster a spirit of contentment and gratitude. When I intentionally choose to combat a spirit of discontent with a spirit of gratitude, I render pride inoperative. It is a death blow to Satan in that moment. He can't have his way with me. I am humbled as I praise God for His provision and care. I esteem HIM as Lord instead of insisting "not THY will, but MINE be done."

For years I allowed discontentment to live unhindered. It resulted in greed and cravings that I indulged. My health deteriorated. Death was imminent.

But then God intervened...

The teaching about contentment and gratitude is HUGE in making our way down this path and being rid of ungodly eating habits and, ultimately, the physical weight as well. Not only that, but it permeates every aspect of my life. When I am intentional about fostering gratitude, I am transformed!

What a great time of year to practice this! We have opportunities for a crash course in gratitude and contentment right now! Christmas will be different for our family this year...and with awareness of that, we have all felt frustrated and grumbled a lot. NO MORE. I will choose to be thankful for healthy family members. No one is in the hospital! No one is ill. My kids are a delight to me. My husband comes home to ME and is faithful. He has a job (so many people are out of work right now). I have a wonderful home and more than I ever could have dreamed. My walk with God is vibrant. The King of the Universe is constantly aware of me! I have His Word and a bible-teaching church to attend. I have the pleasure and privilege of participating on the worship team and leading a bible study for women in my home. So many blessings!

I will choose to be content with God's portion in my life. This applies to material things *and* to food. He is my portion.

Therefore, let us set out not so much to overcome our cravings but rather to learn how to be content with God and His provision for us. (TLT, p. 96)

1 John 2:12-14 is the focus of this lesson. It points out that there are different levels of maturity or growth in our Christian lives.

Some of us are children in our faith. We may be children for a long season. And children are characterized by stumbling and falling a lot...but they keep getting up if they are in Christ, they prevail themselves upon the grace and forgiveness of God.

Many of us seem to live a long time in this place relative to our disordered eating. I know I did--and still sometimes revert to this place as well. But God's grace is present and applicable. I can be forgiven each time I stumble.

However, His grace also is a provision to move me forward...to grow me up.

Last night, my kids and I watched the movie, The Water Horse. I was reminded of a couple of scenes of this movie during the lesson today. The story was about a baby Loch Ness "monster" that grew exponentially from being the size of a puppy to a huge brontosaurus-type (and size) creature in short order.

The Lord's grace can grow us spiritually every bit as much as the food this creature ingested grew him. More so, in fact. This is GOD! :-) I need to feast on HIM and HIS Word as The Lord's Table workbook has been saying. When I do, I will grow up in my faith.

1 Corinthians 13:11 makes reference that it may be time to put childish things behind. When I have a temper tantrum about wanting food even when I am not hungry, I get so childish and act like a baby! Can you relate? "But I WANT that!" I whine! Goodness. Maybe it is time to put this childish attitude behind and press on to know Him more. To allow Him to give me the grace to have victories more consistently...to grow up in the faith.

Genesis 1:1-2, 9, 11 is the primary text for the lesson today.

Mr. Cleveland does a masterful job in drawing out the parallels in the creation passage that apply to our lives as new creations in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17).

If you look at the creation passage, you can see the condition of the earth before the Lord spoke over it. It was formless, void, in darkness, and submerged underneath the water. The lesson has us analyze our former habits of overindulging in food. As I did this, this is what I came up with:

My life was chaotic. I knew what I was supposed to do, but didn't do it, so I lived in constant tension...the "formless," aimless, confused reference in the Genesis account applies. I was empty and looked to food to fill the "void," but the emptiness remained or even grew. I was in darkness as my willingness to continue in sin knowingly was a very great darkness keeping my eyes from seeing the light of the glory of God so very often. I felt like I was drowning, submerged beneath my sin, shame, and hopelessness.

Can you relate? As you look at the Genesis passage, in what ways is your life of overeating (either formerly or now if it is applies) like the description of the earth before the Lord spoke over it?

God spoke over the earth and brought light through His Word.

So, we were indeed confused, empty, in darkness, and buried in sin. But the Holy Spirit was "hovering" over us and God said, "let there be light." And the Word brought light into our hearts. (TLT, p. 90)

The earth was brought up out of the water and became fruitful, all because the presence of the Lord and His spoken Word! This is us, too, if we are in Christ. The Lord breathes His Word over us and we come up out of the darkness, up out of the submerged place we were in. He brings order to our chaos and floods us full so that our emptiness is filled with His presence. He makes us fruitful in Him as well!

God has made us new creations in Christ. Often we don't live according to this truth. For me, that is one meaning of these words of Jesus':

If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness! (Matthew 6:23b)

I KNEW the truth and I knew the way to be out of my bondage, out of the darkness, out of the chaos...but I refused to live according to that light. So the light within me was darkness...therefore the darkness was SO great!

I praise the Lord that I have burst up out of that place by HIS power...a resurrection of sorts! There IS hope for you, Dear One! Just as there is for me! If you feel like the earth before God spoke His Word over it...formless, void, darkened, and submerged...allow the Word to have it's transformational affect. His grace speaks it over us each time we need it!

Take these words to heart from Soul Revolution by John Burke: "God could care less about how messed up you are, how far you've fallen, or how 'good' you've been. What he wants to know is, 'How willing are you right now--in this moment?'" (p. 13)

This lesson focused on Galatians 5:16: But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desires of the flesh.

The desires of the flesh include gratifying our desire for food whenever we want without regard for godly boundaries. If we do not want to continue to live as those who gratify our flesh repeatedly through overeating (or whatever the struggle may be), then we must walk by the Spirit.

The question becomes, what does it mean to walk in, with, or by the Spirit, then? If that is the way to be free from indulging my flesh, then I want to do it! I need to know what it means!

The author provides a quote from Matthew Henry (a biblical commentator) to help with this as well as a deeper look at the context of Galatians 5:16.

To me, walking in the Spirit means that I am focusing more on what my soul needs as a constant theme in my life than I am on what the flesh demands. I am prayerful and practicing gratitude. I welcome the presence of God's Word in my life and allow it to guide me through this life. That means I have to spend time reading, studying, and meditating on it prayerfully. Then, as I go through life, each moment I can choose to capture for the Lord or for the flesh. I don't minimize my choices, but know that each one will add to the likelihood of my feeding my flesh or heeding the Spirit. I will indulge my flesh or I will feed my soul. I will build a closer connection to the Lord, or I will build a wall. I choose to capture the moment for hte Lord, I choose to heed the Spirit, I choose to feed my soul. I choose to build a closer connection to the Lord.

As I continue to reject Satan's accusations when I DO blow it, as I continue to believe that the previous moment has passed and can't be recaptured and quit condemning myself for past mistakes, as I grab a hold of THIS moment and ask "Lord, what will you have me be, do, say, think, feel (even, eat) in this moment?" I will have a direction and I can follow it. There will come peace. Joy...all the fruit of the Spirit listed there in Galatians 5. It will be in my life as it is the life of the Spirit that emmerges in and through me.

But it is a step by step heeding of His voice. One babystep at a time. One moment at a time. One thought at a time.

What can I do today to be sure that I am more likely to walk in the Spirit? If I walk in the Spirit I will not carry out the desires of the flesh.

Practical--this lesson is totally practical!

Mike Cleveland shows that an eating "accident" (outside of our God-given boundaries) happens when a series of mini-events, one upon another, results in the "wreck." He shares about how his job as an airplane pilot causes him to read and analyze airplane wrecks in the past. His eye is on how to avoid the same pitfalls that resulted in the accidents. This has caused him to see that most airplane wrecks happen following a chain of events.

He asks the participant to then evaluate what are the links in the chain that lead to an eating "wreck" in their life. This is mine:

1. Usually there is an emotional trigger, disappointment, frustration of some kind.
2. Usually I am doing something without a focus--my mind is free to wander. This may be watching a movie with the family, or surfing the internet.
3. I begin to think about the food, what it would taste like, how good it will be, that "I deserve it," and entertain thoughts of justifying why this wouldn't really be outside of my boundaries.
4. Hardening of my heart to God by resisting thoughts of him.
5. Getting up and going into the kitchen.
6. Eating it.

Mr. Cleveland's suggestion is that at any point in this chain, we can break the link...and this will derail the head-on collision with sinful eating.

For instance, in my own example, here are some ideas about how I could change things up:

1. When the emotional trigger hits, I can truth journal. This is something taught in Barb Raveling's Freedom From Emotional Eating workbook. I have blogged about this process previously. Basically, truth journaling includes writing about how I feel about what is going on, what I want to do about it and then prayerfully evaluating what I have written and what of my thoughts are lies and which are truths...then writing out a corresponding truth for each lie to combat the lie and refuse to be duped by it.

2. There are a few ways of changing this one...If I am doing something mindless, I can be prayerful as I sit down to do it. Surely, a movie with my family isn't something I need to *stop* doing necessarily, but I can do it *differently*--prayerfully aware of my vulnerability and seeking God with a humble heart!

I realized when I looked over a week's worth of reports to my accountability partner that my violation of my 0 to 5 eating boundary was happening consistently while watching a movie with my family. While not watching movies could be one way of handling it, I don't prefer to do that as time with my family is important to me. We do incorporate other things to do together into our lives and that is one way of handling this.

Another way of handling this is a recommitment to the boundary of not eating when the screen is on. If I eat, it must be at the table with nothing else happening (one of the keys to conscious eating from the Thin Within book). It isn't likely that I will announce to the family "Turn off the show for 5 minutes while I eat" unless I am at a 0! :-)

Often I get asked what made the difference for me...what, after all the years I had played with eating this way, writing with the Hallidays and working for the Thin Within company...what finally made things "click" for me so that I began experiencing victory in my eating.

One of the most vital things was covered in this lesson in The Lord's Table workbook.

Life is not all about my problems, my desires, my weight, me at all. It is ALL about the Lord God!

When someone has gone through all the Thin Within workbooks (there are currently four of them), read the Thin Within book, read Thin Again (or the current title of the same book, Get Thin Stay Thin), and still is wondering "What now? What will CHANGE me? What can I read that will make me different?" my answer has to be it isn't WHAT, it is who.

Our focus is so very often on ourselves.

God wants THIS time to be DIFFERENT. And so a different focus is required.

I have encouraged people who ask me how to make *this* time through the Thin Within materials (or I would say the same thing for those who go through The Lord's Table again, too), to *this* time, instead of making it be about you, do as much as you can to learn about the Lord. For instance, if you are going through the Thin Within workbook, keep a log of all the attributes, characteristics and behaviors of God. Take time to get to know him.

The last time I went through the TW workbook (for the umpteenth time), I did this and here is a partial list just in the first couple of lessons:
- God invites me
- God has a plan, purpose, hope, and future planned
- God is faithful
- God does the impossible
- God embraces me
- God is doing a new thing
- God FINISHED the work on the cross
- God's grace is immeasurable and steadfast
- He transforms me through His Word
- He grounds me through His Word
- He supplies power through the Holy Spirit

etc! There are so many, space doesn't allow!

As I get to know HIM more and focus MORE on HIM, my wants, my desires, my "rights," fade in significance. As I get to know Him, I discover so much about HIM and it floods my vision and my heart full! There is no emptiness, no "woe is me," just exaltation of HIM and a humbling of self with appropriate quietness before the Lord.

This lesson of TLT is about this very thing...about looking upon the Lord and His attributes.

Course Member Cindy writes: "My view of God has been too low, and my view of myself has been too high. I can see that now. I have been prideful, I have thought that whatever I want to eat I deserve to eat. I have thought that I was so important that I deserve whatever I am craving. I see now that all this stems from an inadequate view of God, and of my relationship to Him. HE alone is great. HE alone is deserving of praise. HE is the important One..." (TLT, p. 82)

Application: This just happened to me. I did this lesson this morning and had been meaning to post about it when I got a spare moment today. But one demand upon another took priority. As I was sitting watching Caspian with my family tonight, I got a thought of something I wanted to eat. I found myself thinking about the food...what it would taste like, how *I* wanted it...and how *I* could justify it. Fortunately, I realized it...and chose to whisper a prayer (by the grace of God!), "Lord, please change my want to!" like Beth Moore mentioned in the Breaking Free tapings.

Then I began to fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith. I suddenly realized that I could let the food I wanted go...I had no need for it. He *was* more than enough for me in the moment. I had to concentrate for a few moments on HIM, yes. If I had focused on "I can't have that, I can't have that..." I believe it would have backfired.

With the little strength I had, I breathed a prayer and God moved in! He made it happen! I focused on Him and the fact that He went to the cross so I wouldn't be in bondage to sin. He was pierced for my sins...

I found that it is true...when I turn my eyes on Jesus and look full in his wonderful face, the things of earth really DO grow dim in the light of his glory and grace (just like I spouted off about the other day).

Thank you, Lord.

Today was a good eating day. I remained vigilant. The circumstances unfolded in a surprising way, but God wrapped his arms around me. Thank you for the prayers.

Funny how it is...the very thing I studied in the morning yesterday is what I needed desperately to apply by mid-day...but I acted clueless, reckless, and rebellious, instead.

This lesson on Vigilance that I did yesterday morning reminded me of the "Planning for Trials" exercise in the Thin Within book.

Thin Within or The Lord's Table is not a diet. It isn't about "getting fixed" or "getting thin" and then going back to the "real world" after 30 or 60 days or 6 weeks. This is about a heart change...a change from within. These kinds of changes take a lifetime!

It is about completely altering our reason for eating and our eating habits. (TLT, p. 77)

This lesson reminded me that if I think I have my act together and can just sort of coast along without a care in the world, it is important to take to heart the words of 1 Corinthians 10:12 which says, "Therefore, let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall."

It is pretty easy to have a period of coasting along in my eating...and now that I have lost all the weight and kept it off to even think "Yup, I am changed for GOOD, all right!"

Then, reality check... I am reminded when I let my guard down how much work there is yet ahead inside.

This lesson encouraged me to think of some possible challenges that are ahead. I realized yesterday that today I would face a challenge and so prayed through and considered that and how I will plan for it that I might remain humbly vigilant and dependent on the Lord, not floundering when the emotions that are bound to come hit me.

So my battle plan for *today* was in place *yesterday*...but what about the day immediately in front of me yesterday? I was broadsided and NOT vigilant!

I am teaching my son to drive and I really harp on the need to be defensive in his driving--to plan not *if* someone veers into your lane, but WHEN. Not IF an animal will run into the road in front of you but WHEN. I tell him again and again to plan for that. When it is an animal, to tell yourself again and again you will NOT swerve as it is unlikely to be done safely on our roads. We live in the country...two lane roads, steep canyon cliffs down one side and mountain walls on the other. Animals in the road and motorists not paying attention (or worse) are going to happen. If you rehearse in your mind again and again the safest plan of action, it is more likely that you will DO it when the thing actually happens.

So I must "drive defensively" through this life. That is what vigilance is. It is anticipating not IF I will be drawn to food again, not IF my emotions will get the best of me, not IF I will have some "ain't got it" moments (like my friend Julie says), but WHEN.

A proud person will not plan for these things, but will think they are beyond that.

Matthew 26:41 Jesus encourages the disciples to watch and pray. We must be vigilant and defensive...guarded and ready. But being aware of what may be ahead isn't enough. I must rehearse in my mind a godly response and, above all, pray about these things as well.

The lesson asked "What are some specific areas of temptation that you need to be watchful of and pray about?"

How about you? How can you exercise more humble vigilance? What may face you today that you know you need to plan for so that you are not taken by surprise and dragged into disordered eating yet again?

I am praying about something that will happen early this morning and I hope to report back at the end of the day, that, yes, I was humbly vigilant and remained guarded and didn't allow myself to stomp all over godly boundaries of 0 - 5 eating that the Lord has directed me to have. When I eat today, I want it to be for nourishment, not out of frustration, sadness, or confusion.

I would welcome your prayers!

As has been mentioned throughout the workbook so far, as is mentioned in Thin Within and the Hallidays' other book, Get Thin Stay Thin (also known as Thin Again), we have a deep thirst within us...a soul thirst. Much of our lives are spent searching for "fountains" or sources to slake the thirst.

This lesson exposes the tendency we have to go to food or anything other than Christ to satisfy the thirst of our hearts.

This lesson calls us to rise up and commit to going no where else to drink, but Christ. In my own life, I know that I have turned to my horses to find some sort of satisfaction, peace, and joy...delight. Even looking to my family to provide that deep joy...well, Christ alone is to be the water from which I drink to meet those deep needs in my heart.

Approval of others, recognition, being "The Thin Within Lady..." none of these things are to be where I look for SOUL satisfaction.

Christ alone is to provide that for me.

The author makes an important distinction:

Drinking implies taking something into your system and receiving nourishment and sustenance from it. I can read that Jesus is the Bread of Life and not feed on Him, or that He is Living Water but still not drink of Him. Feeding and drinking are directly related to the application of Scripture in my life, and it is much more than mere reading. Mere reading of Scripture would be like reading the nutritional contents of a package of food; it does no good to the body until it is eaten and digested. When you read the Scripture, ask God to apply it to your heart and to change your life by the reading of it. This is what it means to drink the Living Water. (TLT, p. 74)

As I go through life, I make a choice--there are many fountains I might be tempted to look to for satisfaction of my heart thirst. Hobbies can be a "false fountain," food, numbing out with a movie or internet stuff (even hanging out on the Thin Within forums!)...but I am to be resolved, committed, determined to look to nothing or no one else other than Jesus for the quenching of my soul thirst.

The primary text for this lesson is found in Romans 12:1-2:

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

For me, this lesson summarizes the very reason why I chose to do The Lord's Table workbook at this time.

If I change my eating habits (which I have), if I lose all the extra weight (which I have), but am not transformed from the INSIDE out, then the changes will be temporary at best and not the type of change that matters most. What matters MOST is my heart. This isn't about my food or weight. I see no place in scripture where God says "Thou shalt not weigh 185 pounds...or 250 pounds." I DO see many scriptures about my heart, surrender, not being greedy or idolatrous...THESE are the things that I want to be sure I deal with by the grace and power of the Holy Spirit.

I choose this day to offer my body to God, yes...I will be a living sacrifice. But not just my body, but my mind. Therefore, I will not minimize a choice in the moment. I will agree with God that this moment matters as in this moment, I can make a choice. That choice can add another layer of hard callus tissue to my heart, or it can soften my heart. In a moment, I can do something that matters that much.

Every moment matters. I will choose to allow the Lord to renew my mind and transform me from within.