God Is Doing a New Thing

As I continue this week to apply Key to Conscious Eating #1 - eat only when my body is hungry, I do see that it is very easy to revert to legalism. This is a guideline of grace, yet it is my nature to insist that it is a law and, thus, to chafe, resist, resent. It is a godly boundary, though, not a law through which I can seek to "win" approval of God! I have his complete 100% approval in Christ! I rejoice in that fact! No feelings that I have, no matter how convincing, can alter the truth that it is by grace I have been saved through faith--not by works, so that I may not boast--and even this is a gift of God!

--> How about you? Have you found yourself going from "This is easy!" to having your dander go up, a sort of rebellious resentment surface about having a boundary of eating only when hungry?

For the first three days of this challenge to eat only when hungry, I responded in gratitude! But yesterday afternoon I became vulnerable to my flesh. Last night, I didn't pause to ask the Lord if the "hunger" I was experiencing was true physical hunger.

So, I begin again.

Observation and Correction is where I am right now.

Observation: I invite the Lord to show me what was going on...without judgment. I dispassionately view last night's scene in my mind and heart as if watching it on a TV screen (or that is how the Thin Within book describes it). When I do this, I recall:

1. I was tired
2. My husband had been gone all week and was now home!
   
3. Some strong emotions had surfaced that triggered a sense of abandonment relative to a friendship, ministry at church, and some other things. (A triple whammy!)
   
4. I had had a challenging ride on my horse and was emotionally exhausted from that (I know...poor baby! :-))
   
5. I was up later than usual.

These are all things that I know can cause me to gravitate toward food.

Correction: Taking the above 5 things into account and without beating myself up, I now make a plan of correction. Next time I know I am in a tired, emotional place, I know that I need to be strengthened. Before temptation strikes, I will enjoy some time of prayer, praise--perhaps get out my guitar and sing, or take some journaling time or time to read my bible and pray. It doesn't have to take long, but I know that if I am vulnerable (and I know this ahead of time), all I need to do is invite God into that place with me and it makes a difference. If I wait until temptation hits, it is unlikely I will invite him in as I sort of plan the path I intend to run and ignore the gentle nudgings of the Spirit of God.

--> How about you? What observations can you make about any time you have strayed from eating when you aren't hungry? Jot them down.
--> What corrections can you make so that the next time you don't have the same outcome?

If we plan ahead for those times we know are coming, we are less likely to have them broadside us!

This is often when people will say, "Thin Within doesn't work. Forget it! Give me my Weight Watchers! Give me my SouthBeach Diet! Give me my Jenny Craig! Just tell me what to eat and when and I will lose all this weight! I have done it before, I can do it again!"

One wise friend said something along the lines of "No one has ever hated themselves into lasting positive change." That is so true! But it is like we want to punish ourselves for our struggle with food, eating and our bodies...so we resort to restrictive dieting or exercising to the "N'th" degree! This isn't the way of the Spirit. This isn't the way of grace!

God calls us to risk--walking with HIM instead of depending on prescriptive ways of dealing with our weight. It may mean that we don't see physical results as quickly as we want, but he is dealing with the root issue! Permanent, lasting change...changes in our hearts, in what we value, in our character...the things that matter in life...these are the things he is working on!

Get Thin Stay Thin chapter three speaks to this:

The question we must ask ourselves as we encounter grace in our lives is, Shall we risk living by it? Shall we place our faith in the free, spontaneous, and absolute loving-kindness of God working in us to make us whole or shall we continue to live by legalistic systems? GTST, p. 61

For years most of us have leaned on the prescriptive, external restraints and legalism of diets. Has it worked to change our hearts? It is so contrary to our God of grace! He wants freedom for us. While the freedom has been purchased it may take a long time for it to be experienced in its fullest. It is a lifetime process. I don't think this side of heaven we will ever quite "arrive."

This is, first and foremost, a journey. Let us enjoy it as much as we can. This, too, is one way that grace is manifest. The end result isn't the point. The journey, our traveling Companion, the process...is!

How interesting it is to be plunging myself into this chapter of Get Thin Stay Thin at this time. I feel like the Lord is dialoguing with me so specifically.

--------
NOTE: For those joining me on the "Key #1 - Eat Only When My Body is Hungry" Challenge, I will continue today and I urge you to do so as well. Please continue to note how you *feel* in response to this challenge. Please, please continue to take these deeper feelings to the Lord and to allow Him to process them with you. I think you will see why as I share notes from Chapter 3 of Get Thin Stay Thin.
--------

Grace is freedom that conforms us from within; legalism is bondage that constrains us from without. GTST, p. 58

Legalism says we must shape up by adhering to fixed formulas or a rigid set of laws or codes. This is a deception, however, because no external constraint (legalism) can satisfy our need for love and intimacy, nor can it create a pure heart. GTST, p. 58

No matter how much I may turn to externals (even the Keys to Conscious Eating!), I have a heart issue that is much deeper than my weight, body, and food issues. In fact, as I have attempted this week to "Eat Only When Hungry," it has been easy to see these surface for me. There has been, on the one hand, this frustrating sense that "WHY IS FOOD SO ALLURING when I am NOT HUNGRY?" and the white-knuckle approach in response to this...and on the other hand, this "I am really something aren't I? I went the entire day--the entire TWO days--eating only when hungry!"

There is condemnation and this pride...both are aspects to my flesh that the Lord wants to sift--to be rid of. Neither serve in becoming more Christ-like.

I don't want to turn the Keys to Conscious Eating into a set of laws. I have done that before. God allowed a stomach ulcer to change my focus when I couldn't land at a 0 or a 5 without a lot of pain. He reminded me:

This is grace! This is intimacy with God fleshed out in my workaday world! The Keys to Conscious Eating are guidelines, but the final say is with God! He decides if right now I should eat or not. Sometimes he asks me to fast a while in prayer--even when I am hungry! I don't want to cling to "my right" to eat when I am at "0." I may miss something he wants to do in me, through me or say to me as I wait on HIM in my need.

Because he is so amazing, he has made my body reliable. As Psalm 139 says, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." He never intended food to torment me but established a simple system...hunger--when I should eat...physical satiety--when I should stop eating. Simple! No need to obsess. Just live!

With regard to Ephesians 3:16-19, the authors write:
It is this love, this out pouring of God's grace, that works the transformation of our innermost being so that we delight in pleasing him--indeed, live to please him. When we love Christ and our desire is to please him in everything, we are released from clinging to rules, regulations, and performance. We experience a profound freedom and at the same time are given power to live out that freedom, for Christ sent the Holy Spirit to enable us to live, not by the letter of the law, but by its spirit, and its spirit is love. GTST, p. 61

This week, I have been focusing my attention on Key to Conscious Eating #1 - which is to eat only when my body is hungry.

My goal is to streamline things. Simplify what I am after...to wait for true physical hunger. A couple of days ago, I described the first key to conscious eating and what physical hunger may be like for most of us.

Yesterday, I described some strategies for dealing with the lure toward food when we aren't physically hungry.

If you have tried this for a couple of days and either "been out of practice" or are new to it...well, you may have discovered or rediscovered something...again...though it is SIMPLE it isn't EASY! Those "lures" to food may seem constant! You may feel like food is constantly on your mind and you are drawn to it like iron-filings to a magnet.

Further, if you have really focused on waiting for "0" (true physiological hunger) before eating, even when you feel want to eat for a million other reasons, you may be experiencing some "disorder," "chaos" or plain old FREAKING OUT emotionally! If not yet, it may happen as you continue this process. That is the primary reason I keep saying that it is simple, but not easy.

Here's the thing...many of us have used food to numb ourselves to unpleasant emotions or circumstances for years. When we suddenly remove that coping mechanism, we are left with the raw feelings...If we don't deal with them in a biblical, godly way, we may find ourselves angry, depressed, or in any number of other conditions that aren't pleasant for us or others to experience! In fact, some of us might feel tempted to resort to other old habits that we thought we defeated years ago! Our minds and hearts scream out for some way to avoid coming face to face with feelings that we have.

Little things may send us through the roof, in fact. We may think we are nuts! "Why am I getting so angry about my friend canceling our lunch date!" (It could be that for years we have had a struggle with coping with feelings of abandonment and have numbed ourselves to that pain. Now we no longer are numb from misusing food, we feel this feeling fresh, new, and it sets off all the other times we would have felt that way but didn't allow it.)

Take heart, though. This is a normal part of the process!

But DO resolve to take each and every one of these things to the Lord. This is work, but it is a part of our spiritual formation, a part of becoming the people he wants us to be. He wants us to learn to lean on him. There is a hole God has placed inside of us that causes us to want something, somehow to fill that void. God intends that we turn to Him. It is a God-shaped hole and only he can fill it, but often we settle for counterfeits. One of those counterfeits may be food!

So now, today, grab your bible, your journal and a pen and plan on processing each time you want food and you aren't hungry. This is a great time to "truth journal." I have described that process a bit here.

Ask yourself the question: "Will eating right now make me feel better?" "Will it do so without any 'cost' to me?" "Will it be worth it?" Truthfully, food may make you feel better...for a time, but then after you eat, you may end up feeling worse because you know you violated your conviction, your godly boundary of waiting for hunger. And what's more is if we circumvent God's intention behind allowing a trial in our lives by numbing ourselves with food, he inevitably will bring something else around in our lives to work out what he intended in the first place. I personally would rather learn it the first time than to have to do it again and again all because I have numbed myself with food or some other counterfeit thing.

He promises to walk with us through this. Let's grab a hold of his hand and cling to Him.

It may seem so ridiculous that waiting to be hungry before eating requires so much of us. But it does! It's ok, too. We are not nuts! :-) Honest!

Hang in there today and keep waiting for hunger. Tomorrow we will look at Key to Conscious Eating #2

--> What are some things that make you want to eat even when you aren't hungry?
--> What emotions do you seem to be experiencing lately as you have applied yourself to waiting for hunger?

Some of us may have felt somewhat like a child having a temper tantrum. Bring this feeling to God and ask him what is going on...why you feel that way about food when you aren't hungry. I believe he will be faithful to show us what is going on at a deeper level so that we can allow His healing from the inside out.

--> What are you willing to do, be, say, think, feel so that you can experience true hunger before eating...so that you can use food only as fuel for your body? Grow in the way God desires for you to grow?

Maybe God wants YOU to start a blog for recording your journey! :-) If so, share the link with us in the comments section! :-)

I am praying for you today! Please pray for me, too! :-)

Yesterday, some of you joined me in refocusing on the basics of Key to Conscious Eating #1 -to eat only when my body is hungry. We wait for physical hunger again before eating each time.

Let's keep that up today. I found myself so refreshed to make life that simple again. Easy...no. Simple yes! (I sound like a broken record!)

In the comments section, you can join us if you like. I am praying for anyone who wants to do this, in fact. God knows who is with us!

I know that some of you may be brand new to waiting for hunger before eating, so I don't want to go on too quickly to the next Key to Conscious Eating. In fact, I feel like I am learning to walk all over again! It is very much like being a child...depending on our heavenly Abba to show us what HE has in mind for us!

As we go through all the 8 keys to conscious eating, they will be cumulative...meaning we will add the second key to our focus on the first. So let's stay focused on this key alone for another day and see if we can get some things ironed out. I want to learn to walk again before I try to run! You know what I mean? :-)

What kinds of things surface for you as you wait for 0? Do you find yourself obsessing? "Am I hungry? Is this it? Or should I wait longer? No, this has to be it. I am sure I am hungry...aren't I?"

Ultimately we do want to be free from obsessing, but it isn't uncommon at first to feel obsessed...or even for this to happen when we return to waiting for hunger for the first time in a long time.

I believe that prayer is the best antidote to obsession. If I turn my obsessive thoughts into prayers to the Lord, then what could have been something detrimental to my spirit and emotions, actually turns into a dependence on Him...and he loves it when I need him.

"Lord, is this what physical hunger feels like? Please give me your peace to experience it the way you have ordained. I know that you have made my body reliable and I have often eaten before I needed fuel. I want to learn again from you what my body will feel like when it is time to eat."

Some of us may feel resentful when we aren't hungry yet, but WANT to eat. I have found the best way to handle this is gratitude! With an act of my will, I can give thanks for all the blessings I can think of. Even when I don't feel thankFULL. I do this either in my online gratitude blog or in a journal I have just for that purpose...or I can do it out loud as a praise and prayer to God. When I start praising God for His character and His provisions, something changes in me. I begin to become more humble and waiting for Him and His clear hunger signal in my body doesn't bug me quite so much. I seem to move away from the attitude of "MY food," "MY body," MY MY MY and am transformed just a bit more towards a humble servant waiting for her good master. You might want to try that if you are like me at all and waiting for a 0 seems to chafe you, too.

Another thing we can do when we aren't sure if we are hungry yet is to journal. I prefer to journal my thoughts as prayers to God as journaling to myself seems sort of empty. When I do this, I sometimes discover that I merely want the food as opposed to need it. One good test of this is if you have something in your mind that you will eat when you are at a 0, imagine if you didn't have that something or other. If the house was devoid of oreos, freshly made snickerdoodles, or leftover mexican food...would I struggle with wondering if I was hungry right now? Sometimes this comes out when I journal. The truth is the presence of a food I like makes me want to be hungry, so I interpret anything in my stomach as hunger!

I can sometimes quell the tide of this "false hunger" by reminding myself I don't need it now as I can have it and enjoy it all the more when I finally am hungry! The coveted food isn't going anywhere! (Assuming you don't have a teenager in the house who will devour everything edible. You may need to talk with them about it ahead of time!)

In my journal, it isn't uncommon for me to write something like this: "Lord help me not to covet the feeling of hunger so I can eat. Help me to learn to wait on you...to busy myself with other things and to allow hunger to just sort of happen. Each time I think about hunger when I am not there yet, help me to remember people I can pray for or a scripture that I can recite or a praise song I can sing. Use my formerly obsessive thoughts about food to create one Holy Obsession in me Lord--YOU!"

What are some things you can busy yourself with while you try to forget that you are waiting to be hungry before you eat? :-)

Sometimes our constant thought about food is a result of being thirsty. Try to drink some cool, fresh, water when you wonder...yesterday, I found that happened to me. I was really surprised!

Another thing I did yesterday....I knew that at 10am I was meeting my accountability partner and dear friend at a new coffee shop in town. I am not a coffee drinker, but I like hot chocolate. I knew I was going to want some of that. I wasn't hungry for breakfast until 9am, though! I couldn't wait any longer and I knew my normal breakfast was going to sustain me way longer than an hour. So I literally had three bites of my normal breakfast...just enough to take the edge off my hunger. At 10am I still wasn't at a 0 again to have the hot chocolate! So I had some water. By 11am, I was hungry and ordered my hot chocolate. (I find their hot chocolate is like a mini-meal...it really fills me up I think because of the full-fat milk and whipped cream they use when making it.)

This worked out well for me as I was able to enjoy time with my friend, my hot chocolate *and* not need to eat again until 1pm! Planning a bit is important sometimes!

So what questions, comments, challenges, joys, victories did you experience yesterday...or today...as you resolved to wait until you were hungry before eating? Have you sensed the presence of God? Feel free to use the comments section to share. I read every one and am praying for us! Let's pray for one another. We can do this thing!

Isn't it cool how God uses something so mundane as eating to make us more aware of His presence?

Sometimes it is good to go back to the basics. Right now, since my life is flipped upside down processing so many things at a much deeper level, I am going to review some of the basics...

How did I live for the two years I released 100 pounds and kept it off? I clearly need to give attention and accountability to some of the "nuts and bolts"--the "mechanics"--of this approach while temptations are at their highest.

There are eight "Keys to Conscious Eating" in the Thin Within program. So, while God is doing a total inside-out remodel job with regard to what makes me tick, I will also return to the basics mechanically.

Today, Key #1 - Eat Only When My Body is Hungry

Sounds simple, right? Try it. I invite you to join me on this journey. Feel free to tell us about it in the comments section. In fact, you can post there that you are going to give this a try. You don't even need to wait for a new day to start. No matter where you are...right NOW, you can try it! :-) --> Can you (can *I*) have an entire day where we eat only when we know, know, KNOW that our stomach is completely, 100% physically empty? It isn't as easy as it sounds! :-) Not only that, but many of us, when we do this, discover that we have been using food as a coping mechanism and all kinds of "interesting things" surface. I will warn you now...take those unresolved emotions to the Lord and give them to him!

What does physical hunger even feel like?

One misconception is that hunger is a sound...a stomach growl. The Hallidays explain that this isn't the case and remind us that a stomach growl can happen in response to food that is still in the stomach, in fact, just being digested. The most reliable signal for hunger is an emptiness, a slight ache, in the stomach pouch. The stomach is located pretty high compared to what most people think. It is just below where the ribs join in the sternum! Find your "breast bone" and move down to where it isn't hard any more and in that soft area just below, is your stomach!

Many of us haven't been hungry in a long time. It might be that physical hunger wasn't a safe place for us as a kid. We may not like the unpleasant sensation of an empty stomach. We may even panic! But I have found in the past through perseverance (and, again, I need to get back to this basic), that I won't DIE when I am hungry. In fact, God invites me to enjoy food when I am hungry! I can eat whatever I want to when I am hungry...but I get ahead of myself. Today, I will focus on not eating any meal or "snack" unless I am at what Thin Within calls a "0." Totally empty, like a fuel gauge on a car. Nothing-in-there sort of hungry. :-)

So, today, how about it. Will you join me? How about you, how about *I*...wait for physical emptiness in our stomachs? Give it a try and let me know what you think! Let me/us know what you experience!

Lord, I pray that you might help me to return to this simple basic...that of waiting for physical hunger before I eat. I pray for any who may read this blog today or in days to come that may want to try this as well. Please infuse them with your strength and enable them to delight in finding "0." I pray that we would lean on you to be our strength to resist eating outside of the godly parameters. You promise that you will be our portion. Lord, I know that I tend to gravitate toward food for a million reasons other than hunger. I pray that you will grab my attention should I be tempted to do that today. Thank you for what you are teaching me even now, Lord. In the precious Name of Jesus, Amen.

DISCLAIMER: It is always best to check with a physician before you try anything new. Please do that! :-)

God has been showing me just how much I depend on the approval of others to establish my value. This is clearly out of God's plan. This has been something we have been working on for a while, but I realized recently that it has a HUGE impact on me--more than I realized.

So this morning, I had to laugh. I was pouring out my heart to God in my journal and realized I had written the following:

"I have been so caught up in my performance. I clearly need to get my act together about that."

HA! Even my solution is about performance!

I am so thankful that God is patient with me.

In chapter two of Get Thin Stay Thin, the authors use the image of Lazarus' death and resurrection to challenge the reader to understand what God may be up to in our own lives.

The authors refer to John 11:1-44 to do this and I include the link here so you can refer to the passage if you like. (It should open in a new window.)

Some observations about the passage:

• Mary and Martha sent word to Jesus that Lazarus was sick. (vs. 3)
  
• As special as this family was to Jesus, he delayed in going to help. (vs. 6)
  

Jesus had a reason for allowing the delay...He knew things were going to get worse before they could get better. (Reminds me of the blog entry I posted yesterday.) But once he showed up on the scene, there would be no way of denying that the power of God had arrived in full force!

• Lazarus' sisters were clearly baffled that the Lord had delayed long enough that their brother had passed away. (vs. 21, 32)
  

It would be all too easy to accuse the Lord of not caring, of not loving enough...

--> Do you feel this way at all? Do you feel like you have begged God for help and yet help seems delayed? Do you struggle with wondering if the Lord really loves you as he claims? In this account, we see that Jesus delayed intentionally, but for a higher purpose than could be fathomed. Perhaps this is the case with us as well. His delay is not a "No," but is, perhaps a "Yes, when the time is right and you will see wonders you never imagined..."

• Now that Jesus has arrived, even though Lazarus is dead, Jesus calls Lazarus out of the grave. (vs. 43, 44)

Jesus called Lazarus from death to life, as he has done for each of us through his own death and resurrection. But now we may feel abandoned and entombed in the hopelessness of our disordered eating...Jesus is there for us and does not hesitate, "Take away the stone." (GTST, p. 40)

• Jesus commissioned friends and family to take off Lazarus' graveclothes (vs. 44)

Rather than to submit ourselves to the brutal task master of "rigid restraint" as seen in yet another diet that will only serve to condemn us, the Lord calls us forth out of our graves of captivity. Resurrection brings LIFE. All other options bring death. But the tricky thing about resurrection as depicted in this passage is...there are graveclothes that need unwrapping.

The authors of Get Thin Stay Thin want us to see that much of what served us while in the grave acts as a hindrance now. Layer by layer, these graveclothes must come off. We must allow those whom God has called to help us with this unwrapping, just as Lazarus could not unwrap himself.

We are alive in Christ; the saving work has been accomplished. But our grave clothes may still be in place, and if so, they can be removed only when we believe and have faith that we can be restored, when we risk stepping out of our tombs, and when we let our brothers and sisters participate in the unwrapping process. Jesus chooses to give certain people with whom we have relationships the privilege of participating in our restoration. (GTST, pgs. 40-41)

This is that call to trust and to allow those whom God has raised up for this purpose to help us to step out of darkness into the light of authenticity and intimacy with God and others. This can be terrifying. For some of us, we are quite content (thank you very much) to stay shrouded in the graveclothes that have been with us for so long. They hide us, give us a sense of security.

But we will never experience the freedom God has planned for us unless we are willing to believe that coming out of those graveclothes is worth it and allow it to happen.

When we choose to allow the unwrapping of our graveclothes, we find a God who infininitely loves us and desires that we grow up into all the fullness of the stature of Christ. But as we open the door to this light, we can expect disruption for a time. (GTST p. 45)

Oh, how true this is! And this brings me back to yesterday's blog entry...whatever he is doing in my life, it feels like chaos, but he is up to something heavenly.

--> Do you feel even a shred of hope that you can do this, too? Will you believe Him that, while there seems to be chaos going on in your life, or what the Hallidays call "disruption" (that sure understates it! LOL!) that He is at work doing a new thing...a BIG thing...a HEAVENLY, divine thing in you?

Yes, there IS disruption, but I can't help but acknowledge that some very serious strongholds have crashed down. Things I was in captivity to no longer have a hold on me. Forgive me for mixing all my metaphors, but I must say...While other things do seem to have me in their clutches, I know it is a matter of time before another layer of the graveclothes is tenderly, compassionately unwrapped and we continue to move forward. It is slow going, but I sense what is ahead will be wildly worth it.

Intimacy with our living God allows us to unwrap our graveclothes, release our defenses, discard our counterfeit behavior and come back to life. (GTST, p. 49)

I am coming back to life.

Spring cleaning. It conjures up images of spray bottles of 409 and wet, dirty rags, brooms, a vacuum, and definitely piles of stuff hauled out of closets into the hall way or bedrooms. Head outside and it isn't much better. To "clean the garage," everything has to be hauled out into the light and sifted through. If someone comes along at just the wrong moment (and it seems like "just the wrong moment" lasts for days when a real, full-blown cleaning attempt is under way), it looks like a cyclone has hit--or worse--it appears to be a war-zone with carnage everywhere. One must excavate to find the floor and if the phone rings, hope is lost!

When doing a really thorough job of cleaning, things always look worse before they look better.

That, as opposed to the type of hurried cleaning I have done each week preparing for bible study at my house. Those "cleanings" are superficial at best. I grab everything that doesn't belong in the living room or kitchen--those areas typically seen by guests--and throw it in to the bedroom where it will be "hidden" behind a closed door. Then go about my business of vacuuming, mopping and dusting--all the while knowing there is a mess to deal with in my bedroom.

God is definitely at work in my life doing the massive overhaul cleaning project...the kind that looks worse before it looks better. Just like during "spring cleaning" times, if I fixate on the mess in the hallway and become discouraged and end the process, it will be before He has accomplished what must be done. The mess has to be allowed so that we can sift through things and decide what has to go, what should stay, what room can be made for new things.

I have been processing so many things. There is this sense that my life has turned totally chaotic, but I know that God is up to something big. I must keep the faith, though. Right now, as all sorts of yuck is flushed to the surface for Him to help me deal with, I have to believe that this is part of his sanctification process in me. Even if outwardly my physical body has changed...and isn't as "thin" as it was...that isn't the point. In fact, it really seems so bizarre that I put so much emphasis on that given that is one aspect to who I am that doesn't go with me on to eternity. My character does. Who I am does. God is doing an eternal work in me.

So here in the chaos, I have a chance to see that there are some things that haven't yet been surrendered. I mean, before I suspected...now I know that this is the case. So as the Lord and I work through the "mess in the hall," I realize that some of this is about letting go...things that are familiar, that I think are precious--or at the very least--are mine--may have to be surrendered to the county land fill (if you get my drift).

Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)

It's time for healing time to move on

It's time to fix what's been broken too long

Time to make right what has been wrong

It's time to find my way to where I belong

There's a wave that's crashing over me

And all I can do is surrender

Whatever You're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace

It's hard to surrender to what I can't see

but I'm giving in to something Heavenly

Time for a milestone

Time to begin again

Reevaluate who I really am

Am I doing everything to follow Your will

Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills

So show me what it is You want from me

I give everything I surrender...

To...

Whatever You're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace

It's hard to surrender to what I can't see

Time to face up

Clean this old house

Time to breathe in and let everything out

That I've wanted to say for so many years

Time to release all my held back tears

Whatever You're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but I believe

You're up to something bigger than me

Larger than life something Heavenly

Whatever You're doing inside of me

It feels like chaos but now I can see

This something bigger than me

Larger than life something Heavenly

Something Heavenly

It's time to face up

Clean this old house

Time breathe in and let everything out

18 He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes, who were too strong for me.

19 They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the LORD was my support.

20 He brought me out into a spacious place;
he rescued me because he delighted in me.

29 You are my lamp, O LORD;
the LORD turns my darkness into light.

30 With your help I can advance against a troop ^[g] ;
with my God I can scale a wall.

31 "As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.

32 For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?

33 It is God who arms me with strength ^[h]
and makes my way perfect.

34 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.

47 "The LORD lives! Praise be to my Rock!
Exalted be God, the Rock, my Savior!

2 Samuel 22:17-20, 29-34, 47

Someone posted on the Thin Within forum a thought that struck me as a BFO - A Blinding Flash of the Obvious...yet I hadn't really thought of it like this before. That is this: No matter how long I have been at a 0--totally hungry--no matter if it has been an hour since I first sensed I am hungry but I just couldn't get away to have a meal--my stomach is still the same size. It hasn't gotten bigger. Being at a 0 longer doesn't mean I need more food to reach my comfortable "satisfied" point - or what Thin Within calls a 5.

Isn't that profound? :-) Obvious, but profound!

Another thought I wanted to share today is this...I have just completed my last day of study in the Freedom From Emotional Eating workbook. Sometimes there is a study that I just feel needs to be shared from the rooftops. The last week of study in this workbook is definitely one I wish MANY people could experience. In today's reading in the workbook, Barb Raveling says:

My obsession with skinny was actually a deterrent to getting over the problem of emotional eating. I felt like I had to be skinny. But is this true? Does God say I have to be skinny? Of course not! He loves me just as I am, no matter what my weight.

I wonder how many of us can relate to being obsessed with being thin. This is an idol every bit as much as food can be an idol in our lives. Funny how having food be an idol can actually cause the constant toppling of our idol of "Thinness." And funny how our inability to be perfect for our idol of "Thinness" often causes us to run back to food to pacify our disappointment in ourselves.

Finally, I wanted to share today something God wants me to get...to know deep inside every fiber of my being...something that he wants to flood the emptiness inside of me...He asks me if I believe what He says:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world

to be holy and blameless in his sight.

In love he predestined us

to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ,

in accordance with his pleasure and will—

to the praise of his glorious grace,

which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

In him we have redemption through his blood,

the forgiveness of sins,

in accordance with the riches of God's grace

that he lavished on us with all wisdom and understanding.

And he made known to us the mystery of his will

according to his good pleasure,

which he purposed in Christ,

to be put into effect when the times will have reached their fulfillment—

to bring all things in heaven

and on earth together under one head, even Christ.

In him we were also chosen,

having been predestined according

to the plan of him who works out everything

in conformity with the purpose of his will,

in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ,

might be for the praise of his glory.

And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth,

the gospel of your salvation.

Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal,

the promised Holy Spirit,

who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance

until the redemption of those who are God's possession—

to the praise of his glory.

(Ephesians 1:3-14)

Oh, glorious truths!

Several weeks have gone by since that morning in the bathroom when God raised the whole issue of love. I've been asking Him what I should pray, and he has been replying, That my love would heal your heart. Oh, how deeply he knows me. Knows me better than I know myself. And how true and good to pray just this. My heart does need his love and healing. He's also been saying, Give me your heart. The two go hand in hand. At first I was bugged by his persistence, bugged by the fact that he kept answering, That my love would fill your heart, heal your heart. But that only shows how much I do need healing, and also why and where I need God's love and healing.

The above excerpt is from John Eldredge's Walking With God. This is an incredible book. Obviously, I could have written the above words myself. They are spot on. Yesterday was rough, including a flashback of a nasty childhood scene. God's love was beckoning to me all the while and I didn't see it, couldn't see it. I stayed in darkness for much of the day. He had even spoken to me from His Word, but I wasn't able to see it until today:

More than food, the Lord wants to graciously give me what my heart needs. He says so! Isn't that wonderful! He says so!

When I was about 5 years old, my big sister (12 years my senior) would tackle me to the floor, straddle my middle, pin my arms with her knees and tickle me relentlessly. She wouldn't stop until I said what she wanted me to say...

"Say 'Uncle!', " she would taunt.

"UNCLE!!!"

"Say, 'Uncle, with a cherry on top!'"

"UNCLE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP!!!"

(Evil glimmer in big sister's eyes...) "Say 'UNCLE with a cherry on top and pretty please, you are the most amazing sister in the world...'"

"UNCLE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP AND PRETTY PLEASE YOU ARE THE MOST AMAZING SISTER IN THE WORLD!!!!"

I am convinced this was a form of torture designed to ensure my undying fealty to her supremacy in our household. If I wasn't submissive enough, the tickle torture was sure to be my lot in life. I could run, but I couldn't hide.

I am at a point right now with all this *stuff* having to do with eating, food, my body...where I just want to holler "UNCLE!" I want to be DONE with it!

Lord, I will say whatever you want, but can we just quit? I can't take another minute of it.

In my journal this morning, I wrote the following:

As I sit here right now, I feel a tiredness, a lack of caring--how could I feel this way?--I am before the God of the universe!...I think I am so tired of trying to "be good," or to "process" all of this stuff, of trying to "be healed," "get well..." Of trying to connect with God through all the noise of my life and struggles--of having this ISSUE in my life. It always seems to be THE THING that keeps me from being as close to God as I long to be. I just wish it would go away. I am tired of trying to deal with it. I am tired of the struggle, the sin, the failure...

I can't even bring myself to honestly ask application questions this morning...something like "Are you feeling tired of this battle?" (Who isn't?) "What will you do to press on and not give up?"...or something like that...but I can't even say I am willing to DO anything more right now...I just have to rest. I have to. I can't keep on. (Maybe that is the point?)

Why is it I have this tendency to think that if I am not DOING something, it means I am "giving up?"

More from chapter two of Get Thin Stay Thin...

The authors continue to flesh out the detriment of focusing on rigid programmed ways of eating to solve our trouble with weight, food, and eating. It is so easy to focus on these rigid restraining ways of getting weight off when God wants to resolve the deeper issues at hand for a lasting change. In fact, the more we focus on these restrictive ways of "fixing ourselves," the more entrenched our captivity may become.

--> How much of a struggle is it for you to let go of the rigid programmatic ways of "dealing with your weight problem?" Can you choose to release these methods to God and begin to trust Him that he wants to do a deeper work in you that is worth the sacrifice?

Restoration requires a life of faith--we believe we can be restored; a life of freedom--we risk stepping out of bondage to the past and our disordered eating; and a life of intimacy--we accept oneness with God and allow those appointed by God to participate in our restoration. GTST, p. 36

I read this so differently than I did when I read this material previously. I see it now as connecting beautifully with what God has been showing me about being willing to be in deeper relationships with others...to be willing to love. It means being willing to be authentic enough to let them see the real me.

Here on the internet it seems easy enough to share "deeply," but in "real life," where I have to look people in the face, it is tough for me. It means being willing to love them in a way that allows a connection, a glimpse beyond the "Sunday-Morning-All-Is-Perky-Perfect" or the "Bible Study Church Lady" facades. I know at times in the past when I have taken these risks, I have shocked the socks off of some folks sitting across from me at bible studies and the like. The idea of allowing "those appointed by God to participate in our restoration" is terrifying!

But the wall has to come down. I was created for intimacy and if my turning to food began and was fueled by dysfunctional breaches in intimacy with God and others, it stands to reason that being in relationships with others will be a primary part of this process of true restoration for me.

--> How about you? Can you consider the possibility that the very thing that you want to protect yourself from is the very thing through which God may bring your deliverance? Are you willing to invite him to lift your chin, step out of shame, and be authentic with people in your life? Not just on the web, but those that can look you in the eye...that you can't just turn off with the click of your mouse?

God's restoration is far more wonderful than the temporary resolution of our weight problem. It involves a complete recovery of our ability to eat and live as he intended. For this to happen, we must allow God to move and to work in us, using the hunger we've tried in vain to satisfy. God wants to change our character for a higher purpose: to make us more like himself. GTST, p. 37

Yes, Lord, please do it! From the inside out...

When God works his miracle of grace, he resurrects and empowers us to resolve the buried problem. GTST, p. 38

Chapter 2 of Get Thin Stay Thin makes quite a case for the fact that in spite of our tendency to think that we need to restrict ourselves and deny ourselves and insist that we eat X number of calories or fat grams or points even if we are hungry beyond that...that this is not the path that will lead to freedom. So often, this "rigid restraint" actually serves to more deeply imbed the dysfunction.

God's way is the way of resurrection.

Jesus said, "I am the resurrection and the life" (John 11:25). God's gift to us is resurrection--restoration and recovery. Recovery from disordered eating is not only possible, it is what God intends. He brings life out of death, restores the broke, recovers the lost. GTST, p. 35

If you are toying with (or totally committed to) the "diet" approach, consider if it has served you in the past or just caused further difficulty. The approach endorsed by Get Thin Stay Thin or Thin Within may be the "long way around" for some of us, but it is the one that treats the deeper cause. God wants to get to the root of things. He wants to move in and flood the empty places in our hearts so we never want for anything other than Him and HIS will for our lives. This way, we won't just replace what food does for us with another counterfeit.

So now come the accusations. No, not from people. No one has ever given a voice to these accusations--not yet. Though I wonder if it will happen in time.

The accusations come from the one who Jesus says comes to steal, kill, and destroy.

I frequent the Thin Within forums and a few other online communities. I try to encourage others in their pursuit of God first and foremost. My desire is to stimulate people to see how God takes this struggle with food, eating and our weight to woo us to him, to beckon us nearer, to draw us closer and to stay longer...to linger with Him. I love sharing with others how He uses these very challenges to invite us to a dependent intimacy with him--an ongoing conversation with the Heavenly Father.

So I flit about on the web trying to point people to this fact. I know it from experience--some days I know it better than others... (I must be aware that this can also be another way of numbing myself but in trappings of "godly" motivation...and be willing NOT to do this at times.)

In one of these communities yesterday I asked a question in response to one person's post..."How can we encourage you? What would *you* like support about specifically?"

I don't blame her for her response. Many people say things like this...and I know *I* have. After all, we want to know not just how to "lose weight." Most of us know how to do that. But what we have been missing in all the years of our dieting history is the "how to" of keeping it off.

So this lady responded honestly and without any ill intent..."I would like to hear from those who have lost all their weight and kept it off about..."

ZAP! The enemy got me right between the eyes.

"YOU don't qualify!"

"You have failed, so don't even begin to try to encourage her!"

"What do YOU know about keeping weight off? You always put it back on. I told you you would this time, too, and you are! HA!"

Wow. I was bombarded. Still am.

Truth is, I don't know how to respond to questions that are prefaced this way any more. I am even debating about changing my "before and after" photos at the blog here...I don't want to mislead anyone. That is never my intention at all.

So a part of me starts arguing in my flesh with these accusations:

"I do TOO know about keeping off weight! I kept it off for a year! And this is a temporary setback. God and I are on a roll again!" Pride isn't masked very well, is it?

or...

"The only reason that I have more weight on my body now than I did in October of 2007 is because I am healthier now (no more high blood pressure) and the doctor took me off of diuretics! It is water weight!" Again, not a terribly humble response.

or...

"Yeah!" (I support myself quite readily...patting myself on the back arrogantly, I go on...) "And I made the godly sacrifice of removing caffeine from my life which is another diuretic...this is another reason to consider some of that weight water!"

And on and on it goes.

How easy it is to forget that God wants me to acknowledge my sin. Yes, there are facts to consider about the caffeine and the "water pill" that I (praise GOD!!!) don't take any more.

But the fact is, I have strayed.

So, what will I do with the enemy's accusations? Will I allow the enemy to render me inoperative? Ineffective? Will I HIDE in shame? God has taught me so much through these many months. Whether I have kept the weight off or not, there have been many valuable lessons he is teaching me...or trying. Some, I have learned and learned well.

Others...obviously, that which I have blogged about recently...I have not learned nearly so well.

I am in process. One thing I KNOW. He is the focus. Not me. Not weight, not food, not clothes and how they fit.

So, I guess for the person who wants to hear from someone who has lost all their weight, has kept it off, and has never struggled with temptation to overeat ever again...ok, sure, I don't qualify. My pride will just have to get over itself.

For every accusation the enemy throws at me, I sift through what shred of truth there may be in what I hear. I reject the rest and take the truth to the Lord.

I think some of what I struggle with is summarized in the Get Thin Stay Thin book:

Disordered eating can also result when you are "successful" in managing your weight. When you "lose" excess pounds, people make comments like, "Oh you look so good! You've lost weight!" You may begin to feel acceptable, loved, and approved on that basis for the first time in your life. Where once life seemed painful and out of control, now there is something within your control that brings positive attention. You may find that the more you focus on [mechanics of weight loss] the less you feel the emotional pain. But always present within us is a hunger we realize isn't being satisfied. We are hungry, but what are we hungry for? GTST, p. 28

How much have I placed my sense of acceptance, love and approval on what others think of me, be it online or in person? The Lord wants me to move past this. Certainly, he doesn't want me to gain weight to learn this lesson, but he IS using this temporary setback of mine to bring this lesson home--that my worth has nothing to do with my weight or my behavior or my performance--and not even my "words of wisdom" shared with others. It is based on Christ alone.

Others may decide that I am not "qualified" to answer their concerns. That is ok. It really is! (Or it has to be!) My value or worth in their eyes doesn't define it in reality. God alone does that. He chose me before the foundation of the earth to be holy and blameless in His sight. In LOVE, he predestined me to be adopted. He did this because it delights him and gives him pleasure to do so!

Thank you, Lord.

On a practical note, the "Experiment in Love" continues to unfold. Yesterday I chose to love my mother--something that is very challenging for me right now. The kids and I drove an hour each way to take her to lunch and then invite her to pick "What shall we do next?" I found, again, that being willing to love another--when there were so many things I would rather have been doing--did something inside of me to change me. Food, again, didn't have that pull. We had Round Table pizza for lunch--a favorite of mine. Yet one small piece satisfied me and there was no temptation to eat another. The rest of the day, food was incidental again--like it used to be. I delighted in eating when I was at a 0, but didn't keep grabbing for more when my body was no longer hungry. What a relief!

On Wednesday, I began to do what God has been leading me to do through my study of the Get Thin Stay Thin book...to risk a bit more, to love, believing that there is some way in which He will allow my giving to satisfy rather than deplete me.

So, I began to do some little things...little things that, I am sad to say, I would have avoided. It started rather simply...cleaning the kitchen, taking my son driving...Before, I couldn't be bothered unless there was something in it for me. Playing tennis with my daughter, celebrating my son's willingness to get past some fears with the dentist and take him to lunch--taking the kids to get their hair(s) cut. All simple "Mom-type" things...duties that I shirked previously. All because it put me out...

Those were the little things.

But God challenged me to love "bigger" too...still within a certain realm of quasi-safety, I suppose. By posting the truth, the confessions to the blog...I was taking a stab at loving, too. Some of you who read my ramblings are my friends. I couldn't stand the pretense any more of pretending that all was right. So I jumped off the cliff to love enough to be honest. You have blessed me with your response. Nevertheless, to take the plunge was not only a hit to my pride yesterday, but it scared me. It was a big risk.

So in the last two days, God has begun to show me that what he has been teaching me in theory is true in practice--in reality. That there is something about giving myself away a bit more that causes my soul to be swelled up, filled to overflowing. "Vat brimming over with new wine" sort of soul satisfaction.

Yesterday, it was so surprising. Yet, there it was--joy!

Food had little lure for me--in fact, the miraculous occurred--I sat across from my son at McDonald's and stopped eating french fries long before they were gone! This is unheard of, if you know me at all! I DO love McDonald's french fries, can you believe it?

In fact, physical hunger didn't cause the same agitation that it has been. When I got hungry about an hour before my husband came home from work, I settled in and delighted in the fact that I could look forward to eating dinner with him on a totally empty stomach...I didn't feel the panic, the urge, to "take the edge off" my hunger by eating a little something.

I really believe this was because my heart was full. Maybe it was also due in part to the fact that my conscience was clear. I did the things that I know God has ordained for me to do. Things that, in my dysfunctional, self-protective way, I haven't been willing to do (as simple as they sound to others).

Today, the experiment continues. The door has opened and I see possibilities ahead.

--> How about you? Are there little things you could do today to love your family, your co-workers, your friend...or someone you don't care much for? Is there something you can do to "spend yourself" just a bit? Think of one thing and then note how you feel once you get past the initial fear of doing it...and do it. Does it change the way you perceive yourself, the world, food, your body? Maybe it won't take just one thing...but maybe try one thing today, two things tomorrow and three things the next day. Prayer journal about how you feel and if you observe any subtle shifts in your attitudes toward others, toward God, toward yourself, food and eating. I would love to hear about what you discover.

Over the year that I released 100 pounds, I received accolades, praise, encouragement. It was wonderful on the one hand, but I battled with my pride...and lost. For the better part of the following year, I coasted along maintaining the weight loss pretty effortlessly (said rather smugly), but during that year, my focus shifted. I sensed it...and began to grab earnestly--desperately, even--for some way not to let the goal for which I had worked slip through my grasp. During that time, my focus definitely went OFF of listening to the voice of God in the moment by moment walk of life and on to the food, my weight, performance.

As I look back over the past 2 months, I see even more how I have strayed. My desperate attempts to focus on the Lord have been about performance...reading this book, doing that bible study...DO DO DO!!!

I feel like the people spoken about in Isaiah 28:11-13:

12 to whom he said,
"This is the resting place, let the weary rest";
and, "This is the place of repose"—
but they would not listen.

13 So then, the word of the LORD to them will become:
Do and do, do and do,
rule on rule, rule on rule;
a little here, a little there—
so that they will go and fall backward,
be injured and snared and captured.

Do and do, do and do, rule on rule, a little here, a little there...

I fasted sweets, began the 60-60 experiment, fasted the bathroom scale...did The Lord's Table bible study, did the Freedom From Emotional Eating bible study and began reading numerous other books, all designed to GET ME CLOSER TO GOD again.

Talk about frenzy!

One thing, though...I haven't been still. My frenetic grasping at straws has just further promoted the very problem I am desperately trying to solve.

Jesus says, "Peace be still."

"Be still and KNOW that I AM God..."

"Come to me and rest..."

"Let the weary rest..."

"Child, I lead you beside still waters..."

TRUE CONFESSIONS: (Oh, this is hard and I want to edit this OUT of this blog entry...) As I noticed that the jeans I have worn for 15 months have begun to be uncomfortable, I got on the scale yet again and noticed the number is TEN pounds up from where I landed in October of 2007.

PANIC.

Dread, shame...what I have feared is happening....

This is a ruse, though. Fixating on the number hasn't helped me at all, so why would it now?

So, today I step off the scale by which man weighs my value...off the man-made platform that says, "Look at my success, world! I have maintained my weight loss!"

But I don't do this in shame. I do it in relief. The jig is up, the performance has ended. The curtain has closed. Now I can just be. Whew!

Today, I emailed my accountability partner and let her know that I think I should stop reporting about food. I want to focus on something else. Like GOD, maybe? Having responded to God's leading in this, I am so much more at peace with food, eating and my body already!

I think that, for this season, just as in my earliest years of this "Thin Within" journey, I have to set aside scales, charts, reports, graphs, numbers...I have to BE. I have to LISTEN. I have to REST. No more striving.

I went to the Lord yesterday and today. Instead of turning to my "quiet" time basket filled with workbooks, "how to pray more powerfully" books and other "aids" to make me "more effective" in my walk with God... I stilled my heart. No...I let HIM still my heart. I asked, "Lord, where do you want me to turn in your Word to hear from you?" Then I did the unthinkable...I waited... GASP!!!!

He wasted no time telling me something that surprised me... "Join me in Jeremiah 3,"came the whisper.

I obeyed--as if to walk through a gate of promise--and set my eyes on the page ordained for my heart in this moment and asked God "What, Lord? What do you have for me here?" Nestled in the midst of this chapter, He showed me this:

13 Only acknowledge your guilt—
you have rebelled against the LORD your God,
you have scattered your favors to foreign gods
under every spreading tree,
and have not obeyed me,' "
declares the LORD.

God beckons to me. He is merciful, not angry. But he wants me to quit trying to throw "godly" band-aids on a cancer. My zealous hustling and bustling spiritually has an appearance of godliness, but devoid of it's power. How many bible studies and books can one really complete? If I fill in yet more blanks, will it make me more godly? The one who dies with the most filled in workbooks wins? No...

I must acknowledge that I am eating out of his will. I am living out of his will. I am pursuing that which is out of his will. Acknowledge your guilt he says to me. Quit trying to cover it up by more bible study, more doing, more avoiding.

Child, You have rebelled.

Child, You have not obeyed.

That is at the heart of this.

Child, I love you.

In fact, all of my frenetic searching and doing and performing is actually contributing to the very problem I hoped to solve. It isn't my JOB to solve it, in fact. In Jeremiah 3 he spoke to me about that as well...

This, he does want.

Those years of my life that were eaten up by dysfunction...he will somehow redeem. This is a promise for my future. He wants me to continue this path, but with a stillness of heart...not a desperate attempt to make something happen, to win yet more accolades, or to really "get thin forever."

26 You WILL have plenty to eat, until you are full,
and you WILL praise the name of the LORD your God,
who has worked wonders for you;
never again will my people be shamed.

27 Then you WILL know that I am in Israel,
that I am the LORD your God,
and that there is no other;
never again will my people be shamed.

Before time as we know it began, God existed in trinity. He was/is three in one and this implies an amazing intimacy...it blows the mind, really. The joy shared within the triune God, the perfect union and communion...it is a result of perfect intimacy and perfect intimacy and love foster perfect union and communion. God the Son, God the Spirit, God the Father all connected, joined, loving, giving, sharing, delighting--before time began--in one another!

This is the God in whose image I have been created!

Something about me, about the way I have been created, connects with the triune aspect of God.

When I see the premium that Jesus places on commissioning me to love others, I have to think it is because he knows I was created for this level of deep intimacy, connection and love. The very depth that is experienced in the trinity. Somehow, God intends for me to experience that level with him, but also with others. Maybe it will be limited here on earth, but someday I believe I will experience that kind of connection with others in heaven without it being diminished by our flesh nature.

God defines himself so often with love--which requires an object of that love--to enjoy full expression. "God IS love." "God so loved the world that he gave." "We love Him because he first loved us." "But God shows his own love for us in this--that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us." The examples are plentiful...The Word of God is soaked in the Love of God.

Because of my dysfunctional upbringing, I tend to be protective. I don't want to love or be loved. Even this far along on my journey as a Christian and as a Christian dealing with my struggles with eating, food, and my body I have tended to think that if I stay protected from others, process my "issues," forgive as needed, and then feast on the Lord, this will satisfy me and I won't be as drawn to food to fill that soul hunger the GTST book speaks about.

I think that the part about feasting on God is a BIG piece of it. But I see now that it leaves something out. I have had this attitude that if I offer myself to others, I will be depleted, sucked dry, turned to toast. Hungry for more to make up for it.

But if I am created in the image of God...and Jesus is the reflection of God in human form...then it stands to reason that he is my example and my strength! He said that his FOOD is to do the will of the Father...and the will of the Father was to love even when he wasn't loved in return, to give even when the gift wasn't recognized as precious and to die for the needs of others. His love was totally 100% sacrificial.

I am called to this.

Not only that, but I am called to this and my soul hunger can only be satisfied as I DO risk everything to engage in this level of intimacy. The two commandments that Jesus said were the most important are..."Love God and Love Others."

Our need for intimacy--for connectedness and expression of our innermost character--is one of our most basic human needs. It is fundamental to our physical, mental, and spiritual health and to our ability to live the lives of self-giving love God intends for us. GTST, p. 29

There is something in God's great economy that actually causes my soul to be satisfied as I risk for the sake of loving others like Jesus did...unconditionally, without regard for if they receive it, or love me back, or are nice to me, or understand.

THIS IS HUGE to me. I believe that somehow, by allowing God to break down my walls of self-protection and spurring me to venture out, extend myself for others...that this, combined with turning to God to experience intimacy with him, "feasting on Him," will work together to cause me to no longer have the heart hunger that I have attempted to fill with other things.

I don't know yet what this will look like, but I KNOW it isn't programmed ways of "showing love." This is the real thing. It isn't showing up on Saturdays at the soup kitchen to hand out biscuits and calling that love. (Of course, that could be a part of it! But I don't think that is the whole answer!)

As someone said in our neighborhood fellowship group last Saturday night, maybe I can capture one moment at a time to try to love perfectly. If I do that, then maybe at the end of this week I will have loved perfectly for 5 moments...but bit by bit, I can build moment upon moment where I have allowed God to love perfectly through me...Over the course of my life of practicing this, perhaps there will be a year where I loved more than I resisted. More than I protected. And maybe the hunger will be quelled.

Hm...

9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

11 The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

Isaiah 58:9-11

How did disordered eating happen? What flipped the switch? Why do I do what I hate?

To answer this question relative to the four testimonies shared in the book and, perhaps, relative to my life:

At some point in each person's life, there was a breach, collapse, or lack of intimacy. Each adopted patterns of disordered eating in an unconscious attempt to insulate him or herself against the emotional pain. GTST, p. 25

Can you identify with this summary? I know I can. On Sunday, I wrote in my journal:

"Ok, so this is how I got to where I am, but what about now? Why can I be so filled with a rich life of closeness with wonderful people, yet still struggle? How come between this and my times in Your Word, Lord, in prayer...why do I continue to have a disordered relationship with food, eating, and my body? My life is a veritable feast on your love and the love of others!"

God has been faithfully answering this question--even this morning. I hope to write about that tomorrow.

The book goes on to explain the causes of disordered eating. I find encouragement and hope in this explanation because I am not just a "sinful person" like many teach. While we don't want to blame our current choices on others in our past, sometimes it helps to understand some of what has occurred in the past *affects* my choices now! I am not crazy. Neither are you! I summarize what the book says about this below. Do you see yourself in any of these explanations?

• Trauma - unresolved emotional trauma...including, but not limited to rejection in a significant relationship. In my case, I don't need to go any farther than my relationship with my mother. The act that epitomizes how she felt about me was when she tried to place me in a foster home when I was 14. Definitely rejection and abandonment are a part of this for me.

• Abuse - The authors describe that this can be anything from the covert obvious abuse to something a bit less obvious, including growing up in a dysfunctional home situation like with an alcoholic parent. I had two of those.

• Having been a very sensitive child.

Some who read this blog or who I have spoken with feel that since they didn't have any significant "abuse" or dysfunction that they can see in their homes either as children or later, that this whole line of thought might not apply. I quote at length from the Get Thin Stay Thin book in case you can be encouraged too!

Even in a "functioning" family, where feelings are acknowledged, a very sensitive child may not have his or her needs met. A child who grows up in a family where emotional pain is not acknowledged or discussed may turn to food for comfort. Outwardly the family may appear to be "perfect" and problem-free. Frequently, these families are very religious and spend a significant amount of time attending church or synagogue activities. Even though the source of the family's pain is often very subtle and difficult to identify, children are usually aware of it and maybe even think it is their fault. Lacking someone to talk to and having inadequate coping skills, a child may develop disordered eating. GTST, p. 26

For those of you who weren't raised in an obviously dysfunctional home, does this explanation resonate at all?

• A controlling environment - where we learn to survive by giving up our own identities while trying to please other people.

Again, I can identify with this. I walked on egg-shells in my family of origin. If I didn't, it meant my mother would make yet another suicide attempt. I learned to stuff down who I was or else she would try to kill herself and, again, it would be my fault.

• Lack of validation of feelings.

Many people with eating disorders come from families or relationships where there appears to be no overt abuse or identifiable problem. They experienced, rather, a very subtle undermining of their self-esteem...They may have repeatedly received no validation of their thoughts or feelings or were given the message that it was wrong or selfish to feel as they did. People (as children or as adults) might conclude from this experience that they must be bad or crazy. Over time, they learned...to direct their negative emotions inwardly and become self-abusive, since direct expression was not allowed. GTST, p. 27

In all situations such as these...gosh, in life in a sinful, fallen world...we don't experience the emotional support and intimacy that God intends. As a result, we learn disordered ways of coping with the pain that life throws at us--be it in a horrible, abusive family, or on the highway, or in the line at the grocery store.

We aren't crazy! We may have the Romans 7:15 struggle of not understanding why we do the very thing we hate--that which we don't want to do. There are solid reasons that we struggle in this way.

By believing God's truth about this, we begin to have hope that if there is a reason and I am not just crazy, it can be dismantled...piece by piece...and brought to Him.

That is what my journey through this book is about. Having spent the last 2 years dealing with a LOT of externals and more superficial things, I sense God calling me to a deeper thing he is doing. He is doing a NEW thing.

I hope that you will join me in believing God for what is in store.

She huddles close to me, uncertain.

The wind batters the house, she follows me as I do chores and go about my morning.

She doesn't know that there is nothing to fear. To her, the world is unsafe just now. And there is comfort that comes from being close to her master.

I reach down and pet her head and her eyes look up at me, adoringly. The fear fades for a moment.

The wind concerns my golden retriever. Usually, not one to cling to me, this moment flushes out something different in her character. This rare lack of confidence surfaces.

The trials of the wind have caused her to see she is beyond herself.

So she lays at my feet, or becomes my shadow going from room to room as I put away laundry, pick up after the kids--gosh, I can't even go the bathroom alone right now. :-)

I want to be like this. When something unsettles me, I want to run to my Master, to sit at his feet, stay close by His side. Follow him.

I know I will find the comfort I seek.

Come to think of it, I don't want it to take the wind to make me want to stay close.

Posted at the Thin Within forums:

~I am deeply loved by God. 1 Jn. 4:9-10
~I am completely forgiven and am fully pleasing to God. Rm. 5:1
~I am totally accepted by God. Col. 1:21-22
~I am a new creation, complete in Christ. 2 Cor. 5:17

Continuing to make my way through Get Thin Stay Thin, also known as Thin Again, and Silent Hunger...

Have you ever had to endure well-meaning friends or relatives say to you, "So why don't you just eat less food?" Or "Can't you just stop?" These clueless but loving folks don't understand that there seems to be something else at work...something that almost seems compulsory. They don't understand that things are misfiring and, at times, we seem to be controlled by food.

So how did this happen? How did we get to a point where the natural way we were born...to cry out for food when our stomachs were empty and to be pleasantly content when our stomachs had an appropriate amount of food in them...how did this process get derailed?

How DID we get to a point where our eating is/was so disordered?

In chapter one, the authors begin to wade into the deep answer to these questions. Connecting these current behaviors to experiences that we have had earlier in life, helps us to understand that we did the best we could at the time...and began to cope differently with life than the way we might have apart from the experiences that unfolded. We were beyond ourselves. For some of us, it may have happened when we were 6 and ridiculed by an older brother. For others, it may have been as a result of repeated deep trauma. And for still others, it may have happened later in life, when we were betrayed by our spouse or a dear friend.

Something, somewhere in our stories, triggered something in us that caused us to step out of God's order...into survival mode.

"I felt unprotected and vulnerable and my feelings of self worth eroded." GTST p. 21

This is the result of one story included in the book--one which I could identify with. Can you? As you look back over the past year, the past decade, your entire life have you ever felt unprotected and vulnerable? Who hasn't? Is it possible that this is connected to the way you struggle with food, eating, or your body?

Personally, I felt very unprotected as a child--very vulnerable to being wounded by those who were supposed to cherish and protect me most. I see now that this set me up to head toward a way of coping that would fail miserably to ultimately serve me in the long haul. Nevertheless, it enabled me to survive those difficult adolescent years...

Facing the past and taking responsibility for the choices I make in the present have given me a new experience of freedom, both in my eating and in my relationships. GTST, p. 21

The authors don't encourage us to blame our current difficulties on the past, certainly, but they do encourage us to have an honest look at our stories to see if there aren't justifiable reasons that we may have been predisposed toward disordered eating. Many of us never intentionally headed down this road and yet here we find ourselves.

I believe that having this honest, yet challenging, look is vital to our permanent healing. I know it is for me.

Thin Within jarred me into the truth of what I had to risk to change my life. GTST p. 24

This is true of me as well. My first exposure to this material was when I was fresh out of Weigh Down Workshop. I realized for the first time that there was a LOT of emotional baggage that had set me up to have "issues." I was going to have to risk a lot to change. I do now as well. I keep hoping that I can find a way to cut off this process...to find another way around, a short cut or something.

...as I stopped overeating and started praying, I began to accept God's love and to know that he validates me just as I am...By being willing to experience my hunger I become more open to the joy and the pain in my life. With God's help I am choosing to change old patterns, to trust myself, and to love and be loved. GTST, p. 24

AM I willing to feel hunger? I seem to begin the day where I am ok with this. Maybe it is because I also start the day filling up on the Bread of Life--spending time alone at the feet of Jesus. I am fully satisfied in him. I don't mind waiting for hunger until I can "get around to" eating.

The more the day unfolds, however, the less I am willing to wait and to feel physical hunger. I wonder if, at some level, when the day gets going...and real life hits including the sense of inadequacy I sometimes feel...if I yet am relying on the old coping mechanisms?

And yet, what the person quoted in the book says is true: God validates me as I am...right now. NOT once "I have my act together." I am so thankful that I know this truth to the depths of my heart. Sometimes I forget and get focused on performance-based living again, but it isn't because I think I need to win God's love...I know I don't need to do that!

Being willing to allow God into this process all through the day is vital to my being able to be healed and renewed.

Willing to risk? Yes, I must be willing to risk that I will feel the emotional pain--the hunger--more fully, that I have, at some level--continued to numb with food and other things. But as I choose to offer myself to this process God will enable me to change, to trust, to grow. To become what he intends.

--> Are you? Are you willing to risk today? If you allow yourself to feel physical hunger it is possible, even likely, that you will experience your emotions to a greater degree. Are you willing to risk this? Are you willing to allow yourself to feel? You may also experience joy more than you have because, again, we can't just numb ourselves to our pain and anger and disappointment. We also numb ourselves to joys, celebration, and hope. If you are willing, I want to encourage you...be ready to lean hard on the Lord. He will carry you through it. I know this from experience and, today, I choose to experience it first hand again. I am willing to risk today.

It has struck me afresh that for all of the things that he allows in my life, he has a divine purpose. He intends that the pain of living result in a holy purification, a transformation in me. Any time that I numb myself to the pain instead of going to Him to deal with it, I short-circuit his intention...leaving him with no other option than to bring yet another situation around that will cause me pain--that I might yet forsake the inappropriate coping mechanism and turn to him in fullness, experience HIS sufficiency and strength.

Transformation is at hand.

Get Thin Stay Thin - Chapter 1

Much of what I am processing as I wade through this material, I won't share here, but only in the privacy of that inner sanctum of my spirit with the Lord. What I feel His leading to share, I do! Most gladly. I hope that you are encouraged somehow.

When our eating is out of control or when food is used to insulate ourselves against emotional pain, we say that our eating is disordered, that it is out of God's order. Disordered eating is characterized as follows: (I only highlight those points that are relevant to my life rather than quoting them all here)

• Where we are preoccupied with concerns of food and eating.

Oh, am I ever preoccupied with concerns about food and eating! I had a season where I wasn't. I think what happened, though, is the "mechanics" of this process took over and the heart got left behind. At some point I stopped listening for the voice of God and began to make the food behave or something. The focus shifted subtly from offering my heart to the Healer and the fixation on the food expanded until it began to fill my vision.

It hinders my forward progress. In some ways, I feel like I am having a bit of a tantrum...

"ENOUGH, already...When will I just be HEALED?!!" "When will I just be NORMAL?" "When will it no longer be a STRUGGLE?"

--> Do you find yourself preoccupied with concerns about food and eating? Sometimes this serves to distract us from our real life...which is harder to deal with than thoughts/plans about food. Can you identify with this? Take this to the Lord in prayer.

• Where food is used to insulate or numb ourselves from emotional pain.

Recently, I was deeply wounded by someone. I so desperately wanted to smother the pain with food...it was hard to fight. I was surprised, too, as I don't remember feeling it so obviously in a long while. God used that situation to show me how vulnerable I still am to being tempted to eat to numb my pain.

--> Can you identify if there is emotional pain that you are trying to be insulated from by focusing on food so much? Begin the journey of healing...begin to take your anger, loneliness, sadness, guilt, shame, feelings of betrayal to the Lord instead of to the drive through or the fridge. God waits to show compassion on us!

• Where food and eating control us rather than visa versa.
• Where food has become an enemy rather than a friend.

True confessions...I don't seem to be at peace with food right now. I am preoccupied with food/eating/my body. YUCK! I do feel like food and eating control me...like food is an enemy rather than a friend. Oh, how I long to be at peace with this!

--> Do you feel controlled by food? Has food become an enemy? You could journal your thoughts as a prayer to God. Then go back through what you have written and identify which statements you have written that are actually TRUE and which are LIES. Where you find a lie, replace it with God's truth.

Disordered eating becomes a counterfeit for genuine satisfaction and leaves us empty and longing. GTST p. 18

Or makes us feel worse than when we started.

--> Can you, can I...will you, will I...CHOOSE to turn to the Lord today as our portion? As our satisfaction? Does this promise that the Lord will give us satisfaction seem remote or even...untrue? I know it does to me at times. Can you take your emptiness and longing to him in prayer? Confess your tendency to turn to food and identify if food has really done anything to satisfy that emptiness and longing...expose food for the counterfeit that it is.

---

The Hallidays go on to explain in chapter 1 that there are typically REASONS why our eating is disordered. THIS IS VITAL to understand...and I want to save it for tomorrow's post. Just knowing that there are reasons, gives me hope that this can be dismantled and brought to the Lord for his healing and transformation.

We have HOPE!

We aren't crazy. We aren't insane. We aren't stupid or foolish. Most of us have legitimate reasons (some more subtle than others) why over the years we have developed overeating as a coping mechanism. It doesn't mean we have no responsibility for change...we do, but I find it a relief that I am not crazy! There are reasons and the Lord is ready to compassionately show us the truth. The truth will set us free!

Hi, everyone. Hubby and I are heading out on a trail ride right now so we can make it back in time for church. I will be making my daily journal entry a bit later today!

24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

Psalm 73:23-26

Many of us use food to numb out. Or we use surfing the web or playing computer games...we turn to all manner of things when we don't want to feel something.

Have you ever noticed that you can't numb out JUST to pain, though? If you choose to numb out, you choose to be numb to joy (and other good things, too?). Similarly, if you want to avoid failure in life, you end up avoiding "success," too, since the only way to avoid failure is not to do anything. To be honest, that, to me, IS failure. I want to LIVE. Jesus came that we might have life ABUNDANTLY! So enough with "just surviving" already! I don't want to end the day like a Christian Eeyore saying, "Well...another day...I made it through...yippee..." (Said in the best Eeyore voice you can muster!)

This leg of the journey I know I must make a commitment. That I will NOT "numb out." I know that the Lord has much he wants to accomplish.

In this part of the introduction of GTST, the authors highlight HOW we will get from point A to point Z? From broken--to restored. From ruins, to renovated by the Master Remodeler.

So how does this happen?

I must allow God to lead me to a place where I am:

• Free to risk - letting go of the past to live unencumbered in the present (1 Peter 1:6-7)

I am encumbered by my past. Are you? 10 years ago. 30 years ago. An hour ago. It all seems to define me NOW...This moment is new! I have a clean slate in this moment!

Hebrews 12 encourages me to toss off any sin that entangles and anything that encumbers. I don't want my past to define me...that I am "an overeater" or any other label. I despise labels and how limiting they are. I throw THOSE off. I believe I have to throw off anything negative OR positive that may hinder me.

A big positive thing that sometimes hinders me is my connection with the Hallidays on the writing of the Thin Within book. What an incredible privilege that was, but with that association I feel this responsibility to BE perfect. To PERFORM! To BE the "Thin Within" poster child...That isn't something the Lord demands of me. It is a burden I have chosen to carry. I choose to toss that off as well. He wants me to be authentic.

--> What encumbrances from your past hinder you in the present? How does this affect your eating? Your perception of your body?

• Free to change - being transformed from the inside out by the renewing of my mind. (Romans 12:2)

Barb Raveling, in her workbook, Freedom From Emotional Eating, describes "truth journaling," a wonderfully practical way of distinguishing the lies I believe in the moment and replacing the lies with truth. As I go through the material in GTST, I know many lies I believe will surface. I must choose to replace them with truth. Sometimes, that which is familiar is hard to release--even if it is destructive. Familiarity seems so "warm" and "accepting." I have a lot of familiar lies that I want to throw off. Yesterday really showed me that in vibrant living color!

--> Can you think of any lies that you believe? What truth may God want to replace these lies with? How does this affect your eating? Your perception of your body?

• Free to trust--Trusting God and the way He made me.

By trusting the signals of hunger and satisfaction...that my body was designed for these signals to be reliable by an amazing, masterful, good God...I have released all the extra weight I carried--100 pounds. When I continue to abide by those physical signals of hunger and satisfaction, my body stays at this "new" God-ordained size. When I don't abide by those signals, I get larger than he intends. It is simple and reliable. I trust God with this. I have seen that it works.

But I DO have trouble trusting God about emotional things. As I wade back through some things that have surfaced recently (abandonment issues, for instance), I have to keep telling myself that God used the parents that he gave me to cause me to earnestly seek him. Their "mistakes" and sin were a part of my spiritual formation...my pursuit of a Heavenly Father. Developing my trust in God further will be part of this leg of my journey, I am sure.

--> Do you trust the Lord that he has made your body reliably? What can you do to foster greater trust in Him? What about with emotional issues? How does this affect your eating? Your perception of your body?

• Free to love - loving as Christ loves me.

Loving others can be painful. I guess it is that selective numbing thing again. If I choose not to love because I don't want the pain that often seems to come with it, then I will miss out on the blessings, too. Often, it seems as though the pain is much more present than the blessings...

Right now, having come away from a challenging friendship that ended badly--someone who I hoped to encourage toward the cross of Christ--this is especially intimidating to me. Loving others...well...hurts. When I love, I give them the opportunity to wound me. I am vulnerable. I have a hard time with that.

--> Can you identity with being afraid to love? And how about being afraid to BE loved? How does this affect your eating? Your perception of your body?

Your silent hunger can be satisfied--with the true bread of life, our living God. GTST, p. 13.

What hope there is in these words--in this truth! The Lord's Table workbook definitely was based on this premise. It is true. When I go to the Lord, I know that he is satisfying. Yesterday, as I drove home in my car through tears and battled my temptations to stop and get food or something to drink that would pacify me in some way...HE was there. He whispered His love to my heart...

If you are willing to listen to the voice of your silent hunger, you will find that God is present to soothe, satisfy and make you feel secure in ways that nothing of this world can. GTST, p. 13

This is so true. More than a Cherry Pepsi, more than a triple decadence chocolate cheesecake from the Deli, more than the best ride on my best horse under the most cerulean blue sky...God can soothe, satisfy and make me feel secure...nothing else does it like he can. Yesterday, had I turned to the cheesecake, I would have been numb to the pain for a while...Then, the hole in my heart would have been ripped open wider by going to a false comfort...the emptiness would have been more vast and deep.

Hunger is the doorway through which God enters our soul. He takes this place of greatest vulnerability and weakness and uses it to restore, satisfy, and sanctify us. GTST, p. 13

Wow...my greatest vulnerability and weakness? He can USE that? For this process? Wow...amazing. I continue to be astonished at how he takes our straw and spins it to gold like the "fairy tale," only this one is true!

The message of the Introduction in summary I guess is that freedom comes not through stifling my hunger, but through embracing hunger. As I embrace hunger and take it to the Bread of Life, the One who alone can satisfy the emptiness in my soul, there will be freedom...REAL freedom.

I feel like I am learning to live. When I went through the Thin Again book 8 years ago (now known as Get Thin Stay Thin), there was a disconnect. I felt like I was doing all the emotional work and it was TOUGH. My response to the emotional work was to run to food! Sort of counter productive in some ways. In other ways, not so much...the deeper work had to be done in order for me to ever begin to walk faithfully with the Lord in surrendering my food to Him.

In the past 4 days since I began to process this material again, I have found myself overwhelmed as if I have never gone through it. Today was a classic example of this. I found myself just dreading heading into the valley of the shadow of death...Through tears.

Today, I had a very emotional experience...one that challenged me emotionally, but physically, too. I didn't feel the emotions and struggles until I was in my car heading home. Then tears just flowed. All I could think of was how I needed a Cherry Pepsi...or a candy bar...or a decadent dessert from the Deli in town (they have amazing desserts)...and I realized I couldn't do that...If I am going to go through this processing..the pain of it all...it can't be for nothing. I have to learn to LIVE what I am walking through.

Just this morning, I quoted the GTST book as saying: But this hunger cannot be completely silenced. It cries out to be heard. It is our compelling desire to be loved, protected and considered precious. p. 11

What I was tempted to do on my drive home was to do precisely that thing...to SILENCE the hunger. The compelling desire in me to be loved, protected and considered precious. The stuff I had just gone through had challenged that. My beliefs about who I am have been rocked.

I realized in that moment that I WILL NOT silence that hunger...that cry of my heart. Instead, I have to allow myself to feel it, to hear it...and to turn to the Lord to have it be answered...

I am blessed that the Lord kept me from stopping in at Holiday. This leg of the journey has begun...and it is off to an effective start.

I guess I will call this the "Silent Hunger" leg of the journey. This dovetails beautifully in with the theme of The Lord's Table as the foundation for that is that we have need for a soul feast--as we feast on the Lord, our incessant drive to fill that emptiness with food will diminish.

This is very congruent with the Get Thin Stay Thin book. This book has been republished several times by the publisher with different covers and sometimes different names. I get asked a lot if it is the same book. YES, it is. So whether you have the Thin Again book, or Silent Hunger, or Get Thin Stay Thin, yes, you have the same material. Even if the cover has fresh veggies on it or a woman in spandex in front of a sunrise, or feet on a scale (eeek!)...all the same book. (BUT, it seems prudent to mention that THIN WITHIN *is* different! LOL!)

So all that aside, it has taken me a few days to wade through the introduction. I have been on this journey before, but it was 7 years ago or more...I am in a vastly different place and I know the Lord has been inviting me now for a while to go deeper, to be willing to stay longer, to take more risks with Him. Admittedly, I have begun this leg of the journey with some trepidation and intimidation. But His perfect love casts out fear...so on I go into the valley of the shadow of death.

Hunger is a universal experience...even those of us fortunate enough to have an abundance of food are hungry. We sit down three times a day to tables laden with food, but our deepest hunger is not satisfied. GTST, p. 11

Lord, I desperately want to learn--and LIVE like I know it!--that you alone are the source and supply of that which satisfies my deepest soul hunger.

Each of us has a hunger deep within where no one can see...the most universal of all. It is the silent hunger of the starving soul. GTST, p. 11

Do you sense it within you, reader? Do you feel like your soul is "starving?" In spite of all the bible studies I do, the wonderful daily quiet times, the rich fellowship I enjoy, the great church I attend, the blessed life I live...I know I do. It is still there. How can I be SO needy! My goodness!

It is silent...because it has been muted with years of behavior designed to still its voice; silent because the noise of our world prevents it from being heard. GTST, p. 11

I want to know if I continue to have behaviors that mute the silent hunger. I don't want to mute it. I know that if I allow it to come forth, I can process it with truth. Jesus says knowing the truth sets me free. I believe that I can be satisfied with the Lord. I don't need to "numb out" with too much internet time or with food or whatever it might be. I can allow the need to be heard and present it to the Lord, go to Him to be satisfied.

Lord, I am moved to ask you...if there is anything that needs to be removed from my life in order to be more responsive to you and/or the sound of the cry of my heart...show me what that might be and what YOU would have me do. Not to win your approval. I have that in Christ and I praise you for that! I don't want to slap band-aids on a cancer if there is a cancer present. Just show me your will, your way, Lord. Lord, I don't want my journey through this material to be self-indulgent and myopic...not in an ungodly way. Please help me to focus on YOU, Lord. If I haven't learned that by now, I have learned NOTHING of value! You are the KING and the Great Physician. I know you have come to heal and bind up the broken hearted. Help me to welcome that but not focus on the broken places, Lord. I want to cooperate with YOUR will. Go to the depths of who I am, Lord and be KING in that place. Flood the empty places deep inside of me so that I don't go on a never ending quest for significance or to silent the ache. Show me YOUR will. In the amazing, conquering, healing name of Jesus, Amen.

This lesson in The Lord's Table workbook is absolutely awesome! Rather than butchering it, I will just quote little snippets and let you order the workbook and enjoy it for yourself! :-)

The scripture reference for this lesson is found in 2 Chronicles 20, specifically, verses 3, 15, 21, and 22.

For God's people, praise of God leads the way to victory in battle...As God's people earnestly sought Him for help in the battle, God made the promise that He would fight on their behalf, that the battle would be His, and that all they needed to do was stand still and see the salvation He would provide for them....It was those who led in praise and worship of God who led the army to victory. From this, we learn that true praise of God leads us to victory also. Oh, you who are beset by temptation, who know of the weakness of your flesh, who struggle intensely in the battle, please know that God will provide help and victory in your battle as you learn to praise Him. Praise leads the way to victory. (TLT, p. 188)

When we feel like praising the least, is when we need to praise the most. I have seen this powerful truth in my own life. There is power in praising the Lord. The power isn't MINE, it is HIS. He shows up when His people praise!

They were praising God for the victory they did not yet see. In addition to praising Him for His character, Who He is, etc., it is very good to praise Him for victory in the battle before we see any evidence of it. We can do this because our victory has already been won on the cross, and we are assured of it! We can praise Him even before the work is finished, because we know our faithful God and Redeemer will finish the work He has started in us. So let's get in the habit of praising God for future victories. (TLT, p. 189)

Do you ever feel like you have an endless arsenal of diet remedies and routines available at your ready disposal...that you should, by now be able to make mince-meat out of any temptation that comes your way, that extra weight should be fleeing the scene just to get out of harm's way, since you are so adequately educated, prepared, and well-armed?

Sometimes, all our remedies and quick fixes actually add to our troubles, rather than serve to solve our problems. The guy in this picture has a pretty impressive gun belt, but he is also carrying a lot of bulk. :-) Maybe what he considers as "ammo" is actually hindering his progress...like "extra weight" that holds him back from being his best! From negotiating through life to his optimum ability!

I know that is how it was for me for years. A professional dieter, training to be a personal trainer and aerobics instructor, going to go to work for one popular weight-loss program...and then suddenly I was stopped dead in my tracks...the very "tools" that I thought were helping me to "beat" the "enemy" were actually tripping me up. The more I dieted, the more my heart could "justifiably" fixate on food...the very thing from which I was trying to break free!

So here is the TRUE magic bullet (I know everyone says that, but this I KNOW from experience!)...if you want to be free from overeating and extra weight, rather than head off on another diet that will encourage you to obsess about food and your body (the very things you want to be free from worrying about!) what if you and I were to foster a deeper focus on the LORD! Choose a different focus.

It keeps coming back to that. What do I long for, delight in, desire more than anything? If it is food, I will keep having a massive struggle on my hands. If I fixate on having a thin body, as counter-intuitive as it may sound, even that won't help me to find my natural, God-given size.

What DO you desire more than anything?

Psalm 34: 4 says Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.

How is this related to the desire to have a thin body for the rest of our lives and not to struggle with overeating?

It is important to understand that we became overweight by delighting ourselves in food. We have run to food when stressed, bored, sad, or just because we delighted in the taste of it. And as we turned to food, we began to delight in it more and more. (TLT, p. 184)

It keeps coming back to what I will allow to be my focus. If I choose to train my mind and heart to focus on the Lord, His glory, His awesomeness, if I take time to be still and know that He is God, memorize His Word, pray and praise Him, if I make gratitude a practice of my life, giving thanks even when I may not be thank-FULL--there WILL be a transformation that will occur! My delight will be in him and not in food! As my delight shifts to the LORD, I won't overeat and my weight WILL dwindle. But it is all because my heart has learned to focus on what REALLY matters--HIM and HIS glory!

As we feed on and delight in Him we are given the desires of our hearts. (TLT, p. 184)

So there you have it...the real magic-bullet for overeating and weight loss. If we train ourselves to delight in the Lord instead of food, some changes WILL happen! The "enemies" will be vanquished! We won't overeat and we will release the weight...the desires of our hearts will change, but in the meantime we will see some of the changes that we have longed for.


It bears repeating...this may sound "simple" and it is...but it isn't easy. I would never assert otherwise! But it is well worth it to press on to pursue it!
Application: What can you do/think/be/say today to foster a greater delight in the Lord?

Note: My journey through The Lord's Table workbook is coming to an end. Though it is a 60-day workbook, the last two days' material is mostly review and evaluation for the benefit of TLT staff. So tomorrow, Day 58, will likely be the last I share from TLT. I have already launched the next leg of my journey, making my way through Get Thin Stay Thin, by Arthur and Judy Halliday. (This book was formerly released as Thin Again and Silent Hunger.) I hope you will continue to join me as I head into the valley of the shadow of death. (Yikes!) I am so thankful that the Lord journeys with me. I hope you will as well!

My accountability partner sent me the link for a great devotion. I have to share it with you. It is short! Click here.

If there were a way to summarize the most vital truth that I have seen in The Lord's Table and all that I have learned on this rather long, cumbersome (at times) journey I have been on through Thin Within, Thin Again (now known as Get Thin Stay Thin) and the rest...for the past 10 years or so...I would say it was definitely in today's TLT workbook lesson.

The key...again and again...I have found true in my life...from one weary wanderer to another...it is Worship.

What do you sigh for? What do you long for? What do you focus on? What do *I* sigh for, long for, focus on?

Is it "0?" "I can't wait to be hungry so I can have _____. Oh when will I be hungry???"
Reminds me of Psalm 63: 1 which reads:

I think many times, I have the heart that this depicts for worship, but it is directed not at the Lord, but at "godly" hunger...NOT. Look at what I mean:



God forgive me for this. The godly boundaries of eating between hunger and satisfaction were never designed to be worshiped to that I could lust for that instead of the Lord! If you are like me and can relate to my warped psalm, let us all repent! He alone will satisfy us!

So, what AM I focusing my attention on? Am I focusing on being "ripped off?" All I am giving up? My misery? How I can't have my way? How I am "suffering for the Lord?"

All of this is a misaligned focus. It just is a ruse of the enemy to get me to focus on ME, MY way, MY will...and as long as I give in to this...it is so self-indulgent, really...I will always feel like this journey isn't going anywhere, but is like a perpetual treadmill out in the desert of life.

The key to moving forward in life, to growing in the Lord, to a vibrant, "successful," victorious experience of the ABUNDANT life...to finding your freedom inside and out...to landing at and staying at and being at peace at our "natural God-given size," is...WORSHIP THE LORD GOD!

This is true. Honest. :-) I know it to the depths of my heart.

Mike Cleveland summarizes it beautifully in this lesson:

True worship is made up of at least four different elements:
FOCUS - True worship requires that we focus on the object of our worship.
BOW - This is a position of respect and humility.
OFFER - God desires that we offer ourselves in worship
ENJOY - Our supreme delight should be in the enjoyment of God
(TLT, p. 181)

We worship whatever it is that has our focus, our hearts, our submission...that which we enjoy.

Food has had this place in my life for far too long! So now (again? still?) I earnestly pursue a love relationship with the Lord for all I am worth as I want food or hunger to no longer have my focus, my adoration, my offering, my enjoyment. Yes, I can enjoy food...but as a gift from the Lord of the Universe! Life isn't about food! It is about righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14 about verse 17 I think it is. LOL!).

Though we will never hear this from the world, becoming free from overeating is a matter of learning how to enjoy the Lord. Freedom comes from learning how to drink Him in, how to quench our thirst in Him, how to feast our souls on Him. It is impossible to enjoy sin and enjoy the Lord at the same time, and those who are learning to nourish their souls and quench their thirst in Jesus are done with overeating. (TLT, p. 182)

I press on now. I see more than ever...worship is the "magic bullet" that will cure our overeating and overweight. Worship of the One True Lord and King. He is most worthy.

If the next time I am putting a fork (or fist) to my mouth with food ready to go in I would stop and prayerfully ask first:

1. Does the Lord have my focus in this moment? Or does this food?
2. In this moment, before whom/what am I bowing? Is it the cheese enchilada? Or is it the Lord Almighty?
3. Does taking this bite reflect a life that is offered to the Lord in humble sacrifice? Am I eating to be nourished? Or is there another factor at work motivating me? How can I, in this moment be a living sacrifice, offering the parts of my body to God as instruments of righteousness?
4. Does taking this bite reflect one who enjoys GOD as the supreme delight in life?

I can't help but think that these questions, honestly answered will revolutionize my life even further.

God wants my worship. He has given me so many gifts and I so often make them the focus of my life. So often I BOW before his gifts, giving them say over my life. I offer myself to the gifts the Lord has given to me. I enjoy the gifts, failing to praise the Giver of every GOOD and perfect gift.

Lord, in this day, I seek to worship ONLY you. Make it so, dear Lord.

"I released all my weight by eating whatever I wanted."

HUH? What????

"You mean you only like to eat 'healthy foods,' then, right?" often comes the disbelieving reply.

"I have never met a vegetable I like unless it was in my husband's fresh salsa!" is my honest answer! I do not like fruits and vegetables as a general rule. The last time I had "fresh fruit" it was in a modest slice of apple pie at Christmas! ;-) (Slathered with whipped cream...)

I love ice cream, pizza, Mexican food, McDonald's french fries (true confessions).

See, it isn't about the food. It never is. It is about my heart. Thus, the struggle I have had recently. I know better than to make it be about the food. The Lord won't let me get away with that. As soon as I make it be about the food or about my weight, I have the Holy Spirit in my face saying, "Excuse me, Child...this food is to be received with Thanksgiving. Do not call 'evil' what I have called good and declared clean!"

Today's lesson in The Lord's Table Workbook revisits a previous teaching that all food is totally acceptable (unless a person is under a personal physician's orders to the contrary). Any food in moderation is OK.

That said, I like what Thin Within teaches in this regard and feel it takes this a step further. As we mature in our relationships with the Lord we begin to see our "freedom" as freedom from *having* to eat a certain something, to being free *not* to *have* to have it. We discover that it doesn't hold us under its spell--or that is the hope, anyhow! Our "freedom" is FROM the chains of favorite foods that previously seemed to mesmerize us!

At that point, we begin to learn to exercise discernment. While all foods ARE permissible, not all are beneficial and I don't want to be mastered by anything. So I begin to take note of how my body feels when I eat certain foods. Thin Within encourages personally rating foods into categories of "pleasers," "teasers," "whole body pleasers," "total rejects." The goal is to select as often as possible "whole body pleasers" which are typically foods that not only delight the "palate" or taste buds, but also that make the body feel pretty good. There is no extreme blood sugar crash afterwards, for instance. Likewise, there isn't this sense of "I better eat this, since it is good for me...bleah" with this approach.

The upshot is, all foods, when eaten with a heart giving honor to the Lord with thanksgiving, are LEGAL! Does it sound too good to be true? I have released all my weight that way. The last physical I had my doctor gave me a glowing report, so I don't seem to be on death's door because McDonald's french fries are a part of my life.

Verses for you to prayerfully consider:

1 Timothy 4:1-5
Romans 14:16-18
Mark 7:18-23

The Christian only changes as he or she focuses intently on Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18), and not on food or any other distraction. The major problem with most diets is that they draw attention to food, either to deny certain foods or to focus on the content of the food (such as counting points, calories, fat grams, carbohydrates, etc...), all of which places our focus on food. (TLT, p. 178)

To the one who has an adulterous affair with food, these diets are good and acceptable because they allow us to think about food all day long. But to the one who wants to have a pure heart and a single mind, thinking of food all day long is not acceptable for we recognize that this can be idolatry. (TLT, p. 178)

So let us not be people who focus on food, or deny certain foods. Let's lose the popular mindset of "healthy foods" and "junk foods" for Scripture does not at all label food like this....Let us be people who eat whatever we want with rejoicing and thanksgiving, worshiping God in our hearts, remembering to be moderate in the amount that we eat. This is what honors the Lord and provides spiritual and physical health. (TLT, p. 180)

Some might wonder...how can I eat whatever I want in a "moderate" amount? What does that even mean? Do I weigh it? Measure it?

If we trust the Lord that he has made our bodies reliable and begin to listen to them give us cues for our eating, we will eat just the right amount. Physical hunger and physical satisfaction are very distinct. Sometimes it takes a while to learn these signals, but if we ask the Lord for his help and guidance and honestly want to learn (and not deceive ourselves with "I am just sure I am hungry for this 15th Oreo!"), he will show us what physical hunger and satisfaction feels like for us.

How about you? Are you ready to try (or to try again)?

Try this...wait until you are hungry...until you know without a doubt you are hungry...before your next meal (or snack). Hunger is a sensation (not a sound) that happens just below your sternum (chest bone). It is where the ribs join...much higher than most people think. The stomach pouch is like a rubbery balloon and will feel very hollow, maybe ache a bit when it is empty. Don't wait for a growl or assume that a growl means hunger! Growling may mean you are digesting food that is already in there! If you get a headache, feel dizzy or weak, you have waited too long. (By all means, make sure you don't do this if your doctor wouldn't approve.)

Some people take a LONG time to get hungry. It depends on your last meal and how much extra weight you carry on your frame. Busy yourself with other things instead of focusing on "Am I hungry NOW? How about NOW?...ok...NOW?" LOL! That isn't freedom! Please know that there are a lot of other things that draw a person to eat *other* than physical hunger, so you may *think* you are hungry because there is a heart hunger that gravitates toward food. Take this to the Lord and let him be your satisfaction as you prayerfully wait for your body to need fuel.

Then, once you are hungry, select whatever food you desire. Anything goes...but it won't take much for you to be satisfied! So be prepared to stop sooner than usual! If you eat slowly and allow yourself to prayerfully praise and thank God for the wonderful tastes of the foods you have selected, you probably won't need much before you are physically satisfied. That's OK, because you can have whatever wonderful food it was you enjoyed again later! It will still be available for all the rest of the times in this life when you get hungry!

Give it a try and see what you think if you haven't ever done this...and then post a comment here about what you discover! Feel free to ask questions. I will be more than happy to try to respond!

One of the most wonderful experiences for me happens when I have the privilege of riding my very special horse (they are all special, but that is beside the point! LOL!), Harley, through the hills, down the trail along the river. Harley seems to love it and the peaceful nature of the river is definitely restorative to me. Being there with my horse, letting him have a drink, maybe even getting off and letting him have a bite to eat of the most wonderful, sweet green grass imaginable (he so rarely SEES green grass at home!)...it just does something for me to the depths of my heart. I think partly because I know he loves it so much, too.

In fact, when I am there, I can easily be reminded of Psalm 23, which is the focus of this lesson in The Lord's Table workbook.

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

As I look around at the beauty, I am reminded that all the hills and valleys, rivers, trees, and the sky...He created it all. It is so amazingly beautiful...and it barely touches on his own beauty and glory! I can hardly fathom it!

As much as the river ride seems to restore my soul...it is a pittance compared to what being with the Lord, taking in HIS presence, provision, power, and living for His purposes does.

When I keep my focus on HIM and take it off of this world, I am amazed at just how much "life works." When I allow myself to be swept up in all the other things...then I become beaten down and tired.

When I walk with the Lord, these things happen:

• I am not in want (vs 1)
• There is rest and quiet (vs 2)
• My soul is truly restored (vs 3)
• He guides me in the way I should go that will honor Him (vs 3)
• He will take me through the valley of the shadow of death--there are things to process there with HIM at my side. (vs 4)
• He will ease my fear (vs 4)
• He will comfort me (vs 4)
• He provides me with abundance--a soul feast--that is available to me no matter what else is going on...even when I seem surrounded by enemies. (vs 5)
• He honors me (this is amazing to me!) (vs 5)
• Goodness and love are my companions (vs 6)
• All day, every day, starting NOW and on into eternity, I am with HIM (vs 6)

This is so much better than just a good ride on my pony with pretty scenery!

What David is saying here is that the relationship he has with the Lord provides him with rest and refreshment as he lies down in green pastures and drinks from quiet waters. There is a peacefulness and tranquility that comes into the heart and life of one who follows the Lord. He is not in want and her rests in Christ and drinks from Christ. (TLT, p. 175)

What does it mean for my soul to be restored? Mike Cleveland, the author of The Lord's Table, describes it this way:

...simply being right with God through the work of Christ, and knowing that all is well with my soul. My sins are paid for, my past is dead and gone, my relationship with God is vibrant and my future is secure. My soul is restored from being "in want" to being content and this is evidenced in many ways, one of which is that there is no more need to overeat. (TLT, p. 176)

In Jesus Christ we find all our needs met; our souls aer restored, our hearts are satisfied, and we experience rest, refreshment and fulfillment. I hope that you are finding this life in Jesus and that you're enjoying Jesus as the Table prepared for you by the Lord. (TLT, p. 177)

Today I just want to highlight quotes from the lesson in The Lord's Table workbook.

Those who are focused on Jesus live victoriously over habitual sin. Our focus determines the direction of our life. (TLT, p. 171)

We need to look outside ourselves, look beyond the food, to the Person of Jesus Christ and "point our nose" at Him. This will keep us flying "straight and level." (TLT, p. 171)

When he appears, we will be like Him. Oh how this should encourage our hearts, for so often while we are in this world we see that we are not like Him, and it hurts us to see these areas in which we are weak. It seems that each day we discover there is something else that must be extracted from our lives in order to reveal His image in us. A day is coming when we will indeed be like Jesus, completely. (TLT, p. 171)

Given the things that I have done recently, I receive a great deal of encouragement from these words. It has broken my heart, indeed, to see anew just how many ways in which I fall short of being Christ-like. I don't mean in the sense of bashing myself over the head...just in the sense of being absolutely clueless...blind.

Yes, it *does* seem like each day there is something else that "must be extracted" from my life "in order to reveal His image" in me. It was the diet soda, then it was sweets, it was the scale...it feels like there are so many things to which I cling...the internet...you, my internet friends...God asks me lovingly, "Am I enough...really enough?" If all else were stripped away and all that was left, would I find Him satisfying? Truly ENOUGH for me?

I appreciate that this lesson points out that in 1 John 3:2 there is an important word there...translated "because" in some translations. Translated "for" in the NIV.


"But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is."

I WILL be like Him...and why? Because I shall see Him! The key is seeing Jesus...As I gaze on Him now, I will be transformed now.

Oh the power behind this one little verse. It teaches us that seeing Jesus changes us into His image. Though while on this earth we will always have some part of us that needs to change, if we focus on Christ we will slowly be changed into His image even now. (TLT, p. 171)

We must remain committed to seeing Him or else we will become distracted with pride that we're doing so well, or with our appearance and comments from others, or any number of other things. Focusing on Jesus Christ is the answer to all of these distractions that can come our way. (TLT, p. 172)

I know for a fact that this is true. It is very easy to be distracted.


My favorite quote in today's lesson is this one from page 174:

When we see Jesus we are granted liberty! Do you see it? The answer to our weight problem is to turn to the Lord; that is, to stop attempting to gain God's favor by what we do, to stop trying to work our way into a right standing with God, and simply turn to the Lord! When we thus stop working for righteousness but rather turn to the Lord in repentance, we will catch a glimpse of Him and His beauty that will stun us! We will see in Him all that is needed to deal with our entire sin problem; the guilt, the shame, and the power of it. And as we gaze at Him we are slowly changed into His image.

Rather than give a detailed summary of what is in the TLT workbook today, I am going to flesh it out.

Three things in this lesson:
1.) Take captive every thought and let Christ be the judge of whether or not the thought should be allowed entrance into the mind and heart. If Christ says no, reject the thought...but this must be done to see if CHRIST wants the thought in there. I can either take the thought captive or be taken captive by the thought. The passage is 2 Corinthians 10:3-6.

2.) It isn't enough to just reject negative thoughts. We must also embrace thoughts that are godly. This principle is found in Philippians 4:8. Do my thoughts (or what I am reading, watching, etc...) pass the "Philippians 4:8 Test?" The idea being I will only dwell on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable and praiseworthy. When it comes to rejecting negative thoughts, we have to also have something positive to think about...God's Word provides that.

3.) Philippians 4:9 takes it a step further. Whatever we know to do, we are to DO it. This connects with the previous lessons.

This three step process will enable us to not be taken captive by lustful or greedy thoughts about food when we aren't hungry. Or to allow ourselves be beaten up by the enemy when he accuses us.

And this is what I want to hash out here today...

This is very hard for me. Only a week ago (it feels like forever...) I obeyed what I felt the Lord wanted me to do and put the scale away "forever." But this came at the tail end of a fasting of sweets which was in response to my reaction to having given up diet soda drinking (which I drank verrrry excessively).

But rather than throwing other "must dos" at myself in response to removing aspartame from my life, I should have *processed* what was going on in me when I removed the diet coke. That would have been a grace-filled thing to do.

While the caffeine withdrawals likely took only a few short days to weather through, the psychological and spiritual withdrawals from diet soda were much more severe and intense. I found myself gravitating toward sweet foods again.

So I fasted sweet foods. While I fasted sweets for about 10 days, I was at such peace...but when I allowed them in my life again, I found that a "dieting mentality" had crept back into my mind and heart. Subtly, my thinking had shifted from "all things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial...I will not be mastered by anything..." to THESE ARE NOT permissible! THIS IS NAUGHTY! I am BAD! Followed by desperately rebelling against that rigidity...

At the same time, I knew there was one more stronghold in my life...that of depending on the bathroom scale. So I decided to remove it from my life. Do you see the desperation? I was throwing band-aids everywhere. Likely what I needed to do was *process* the removal of a significant thing from my life...diet soda. I missed that.

All of this was taking on a lot emotionally at one time. (This sounds so whiny and ridiculous to me...) I am not sure all of this at the same time was from the Lord. Certainly, I think he would have wanted me to process what was going on in my reaction as I came off of nutrasweet. I deflected really doing that. Instead I treated symptoms...fasted sugar. Adding more angst and emotional baggage, perhaps, to things that needed to be brought before the throne of God.

Ok, so where does that leave me today?

Today I pulled out the scale. (The voice says "Another failure...") It reflected what I knew to be true. My eating is off kilter. I didn't need the scale to tell me that, but I began to feel like NOT having a man-made number to attach to it at this stage of my journey was to be in denial.

I share this with such struggle...the accusations of the enemy have come to fruition. He laughs with glee. The scale actually says SIX POUNDS up. I need to confess this here...by way of keeping a lid on pride and by way of accountability. Given my accountability reports to my accountability partner, there must also have been a LOT of deception going on too!

This is where today's lesson really comes home, though.

My response to this man-made arbitrary number (and the rest that goes with it) is deep sadness. Truthfully, it isn't the number alone that makes me sad. It is the truth that my greed and DECEPTION has put me in the place that it shows up so quickly on the scale.

The thoughts that are now bombarding me for entrance into my life are all the same voices that the enemy has thrown at me for a couple of years now... "See? You ARE a fraud!" "You may think you have everyone fooled, but WE know the truth! The scale is finally proving it!" "You *are* a glutton! You ARE forever going to be a fat person trying to pretend she is someone else!" "Admit it! Give it up! You are a fake!"

These are the thoughts that are demanding entrance this morning.

The bottom line is this...the TRUTHS in my life are:
1.) I have been eating more than my body needs to be sustained
2.) Most of my eating outside of my godly boundaries has been sweet foods
3.) My physical body is beginning to carry the excess energy (By the way...before I got on the scale I knew this from the way my jeans were fitting...just a bit more snug...I didn't really need the number to tell me anything!)

These are the TRUTHS.

In addition the following are truths as well:

4.) God is still God.
5.) I am still the Lord's
6.) He is STILL doing a NEW thing in me right now!
7.) That which He has begun he WILL complete -- His Word promises!

Going back to the steps outlined in today's lesson in The Lord's Table, then, step one is to surrender my thoughts to obedience to Christ. In this case, I must recognize that all the things that the enemy is whispering in my ear...they are LIES. So I will take captive each thought and bring it to God. He says "No...REJECT IT." I will reject the enemy's lies.

Step 2 then is to submit my thoughts to the Philippians 4:8 test. What is TRUE is vital here...so the list above is what I will rehearse in my mind today. Especially items 4-7 and related thoughts.

However, the truth is also that I have work to do relative to this whole nutrasweet dependency. Just because it is out of my life doesn't mean I don't have issues to deal with. It reminds me of addiction...often when you take the substance that is being abused out of a person's life, they maintain the same behaviors, but with a different substance. Thus, the true issues aren't dealt with.

God wants to deal with the underlying issues that motivate me to grab a hold of whatever it may be. He wants me to grab a hold of him no matter what! The only "substance" that I am to lean on is HIM.

Then thirdly, if I follow the lesson in TLT, I will DO what I know is best and right. For me, this has to include some ways of fighting negative thoughts today. So here is my battle plan:
1.) Gratitude blog today...I will write in it later today, but practice gratitude throughout the day
2.) I will get out my spiral cards and keep them with me today...bible verses are on them. I will work on memorizing a new one and review old ones I have memorized. I will pray the scriptures on them
3.) I will continue to pray every 60 minutes to reconnect with God (Soul Revolution the 60-60 experiment)
4.) I will keep praise music playing
5.) I will spend some time prayer journaling today...

I do plan on attacking the deeper issues as soon as TLT study is completed. My accountability partner and I will be going through the Hallidays' Get Thin Stay Thin book together. (This book used to be called Thin Again and before that it was called Silent Hunger. It is a challenging book that looks at the underlying causes of our overeating (and other things)...it is what I need right now, even though I went through it some years ago...).

If I have a thought of "You weigh _____! You are a FRAUD!" I will combat that with, "I am more than a conqueror in Christ. God IS doing a new thing in me! I perceive it! I will fix my eyes on Jesus the author and perfector of my faith..." and so on.

So...how about you? Do you have a battle of the mind going on today too? What can you do to apply these three things:
1.) Take captive thoughts to obedience to Christ?
2.) Submit your thinking, your doing, reading, watching to the Philippians 4:8 test?
3.) DO something that will be a response to what you KNOW? (Phil 4:9)?

Join me, ok? I am praying for you and for me...