Freedom in the Open Spaces

One of my favorite authors through the years has been Jan Johnson. For a number of years, I have eyed a devotional book she wrote some time back, but given I didn't want a typical "devotions for dieters" book, as that would be far from productive, I hesitated. About two months ago, I went ahead and purchased Surrendering Hunger by Jan Johnson. I have not been disappointed (I haven't gotten very far in it yet!).

What I read today dovetails perfectly with what we have been talking about in lesson 5 of HEAL:

My choices are no longer limited. I can pick up and go somewhere at the last minute without wondering what I'll eat, if I'll like it enough, and when I'll exercise.  I'm free to gratefully eat whatever meal is put in front of me. Johnson, Surrendering Hunger, p. 51

I have an asterisk and a big "YES!" in the margin next to Jan's words.

 He brought me out into a spacious place;
       he rescued me because he delighted in me. 

2 Samuel 22:20 

Grace vs. Legalism

Yesterday, I posted about the fruit of the Spirit. What happens when I surrender to God's presence in my life? Characteristics of the Lord Jesus will become evident in me, expressed in my life toward others, toward myself and affecting how I relate to food, eating and my body.

What is the converse of this? It is legalism. It is outward constraints that attempt to cause certain behavior. It is change from withOUT, rather than change from withIN. It is conforming to outward constraints, rather than embracing a heart change that ultimately can be seen outwardly.

Legalism can have a very subtle influence in our lives. It can be in the slight tinge of "fear" we have about not exercising today, which is failing to realize that if we don't get a chance to exercise, our bodies will probably just call for less food--eating 0 to 5 on any day will continue the process of bringing us to our natural God-given size. It can be seen in the sense of self-righteousness we feel when we make a choice to have grilled chicken instead of fried. Obviously there is nothing wrong with exercising or with grilled chicken, but do these things, in any way, define us? Or do they define how "good" we feel we have been? If so, that should be a red flare.

Can you think of any ways in the past that you have been duped into the legalism trap relative to food and eating? Feel free to share it with us here.

The HEAL book quotes one woman:

Rather than worrying about calories, carbohydrates, or fat grams, I ask myself if it's something God is leading me to enjoy and if it's what my body needs at that moment. I'm now living with freedom that equips me to make wise food choices. Smith and Halliday, HEAL, page 95

This is what we are after...freedom. This is not freedom NOT to care, but freedom TO care with godly discernment and wisdom. We look only to Christ for our righteousness. If no option for grilled chicken is available when we visit a friend's home, we take an appropriate portion of home-made fried chicken and allow ourselves to be grateful to God for tastes, textures, and wonderful friends. We don't run home in fear and exercise harder or bypass hunger the next morning to make up for it!

Are there any ways in which you currently see legalism seeping into your life? What can you do to change this?

There are no forbidden foods as we continue on this journey. We may say this, but so very often we betray that we don't really believe this by trying to "atone" for having something that, in our diet days, we didn't allow ourselves. Or by allowing ourselves to have a certain "diet food" freely because we tend to view it as "ok, because it is 'healthy.'" These thoughts betray that we are still caught up in legalism.

In HEAL, if you think back to lesson 2, healthy eating is eating when hungry and stopping when not. It is going to God for all the other reasons we tend to be drawn to food. Healthy eating has more to do with why we eat than the what.

That said, there may be times when you sense in your spirit that something has an ungodly hold on you. Having that certain something in the house, you struggle repeatedly with overindulging. Truthfully, this can be anything. Remember, it isn't the substance that determines our virtue. Bingeing on carrots is every bit as ungodly as bingeing on Dove chocolate. Only you and the Lord can determine if there is something that, for a season, as an expression of love (not to *win* God's approval or to *prove* your righteousness!), you offer to Him. You can have the freedom not to have it in your home, but at the same time, realize that doing this doesn't change the heart. The heart is changed by God. Removing the substance that you find trips you up is an offering to God, but invariably, he is likely to offer you another way to be sure to deal with the underlying heart issue.

Jesus laid down His life for us. Is there anything that He calls us to lay down for a season?

In my case, he definitely wanted me to lay down the bathroom scale. When it is in the house, I use it in a way that doesn't honor him. I also can't have Oreo cookies and vanilla ice cream in the house at the same time. I can have one or the other, but not both, as I will have an Oreo cookie milkshake with every hunger (and then some!)!!! So, I choose to lay that down. In the past, I have had seasons where I have laid down this or that...anything that the Lord says has begun to own me. Typically, he lets me know when I am free to have that whatever-it-is in my life again. Gosh, in the non-food realm, I have sensed the Lord lead me NOT to go into the Christian bookstore for a season before! LOL!

Obviously, my ultimate goal is to have a heart given over to the Lord so that I can be in a Christian bookstore and not overspend or to have Oreos and vanilla ice cream in the house and not overindulge!

Prayerfully ponder this question. What is the Lord saying to your heart about if there is something you need to give over to Him for a time? Will you? When? Do you have someone to whom you can be accountable about this?

The Fruit of the Spirit - Meant to be Expressed, not Ingested! LOL!

My study of the HEAL book, by Smith and Halliday, led me to prayerfully consider the fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, 

joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, 

faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. 

Against such things there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23

We are challenged by the authors to consider how the fruit of the Spirit, evident in our lives as we surrender ourselves to His indwelling presence and power, might be made manifest relative to our struggle with food, eating, and body image. This was an interesting exercise for me.

Love: Focusing on allowing God to love others through me, my fixation on food diminishes. I can choose--especially this time of year when people are even more open than any other, perhaps--to love others. As I do this, my perspective shifts. Grabbing greedily for more food just isn't as predominant a tendency!

Joy: When I love others and focus on myself less, there is joy that bubbles up in me.  I think this is what Jesus meant when he said that his joy would be in me and my joy would be complete (John 15:11).  This isn't joy like the kind I have when I am "finally hungry and get to eat." It is larger, deeper, better.

Peace: When I fix my eyes on Jesus, he gives me peace.  I don't have that agitated, churning feeling I so often try to settle with food.

Patience: To wait on the Lord for the time to eat--when I am hungry. I am drawn to food at other times, then it is a call to allow Him to satisfy my soul and heart and head hunger.

Kindness:  I need to express kindness toward myself when I "fail," make mistakes, or, even, blatantly rebel (repentance is a result of God's kindness - Romans 2:4). When I beat myself up about things I wish I did differently, I am not being Christlike toward myself. I am out of His will every bit as much as when I sin willfully by eating outside of godly parameters.

Goodness: I am not sure how to fit this with my eating or view of myself. (Anyone have any ideas? Please post them here for me! I want to get it!) I know that if I extend goodness to others, again, it is deeply satisfying.

Faithfulness: In this moment, I can choose to surrender to the Lord. Faithfulness can seem like a big, huge, unattainable goal, but it happens when moments are captured for the Lord, one at a time. I move past the moment that came before as I take this moment captive for him and offer it to HIM. Even if I "blew it" yesterday, at lunch, or 5 minutes ago, this moment is new. I choose to return to Him, surrender my tendency to beat myself up or to indulge in self-pity (which is usually accompanied by yet more over-indulgence of food). Faithfulness isn't perfection. It is returning as often as is necessary to the surrender of this moment now to Him and His will.

Gentleness: Instead of an irritable, hard-edged attitude of what I deserve, I am softened, calmed, less likely to grab at food or to speak/think harshly about myself.

Self-control: I am free to say no to impulses of my flesh and yes to God-controlled decisions. Like 1 Thessalonians 4 says: It is God's will that you should be sanctified...that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like [those] who do not know God.

It isn't constraints such as diet rules or laws that will enable me to express these characteristics. It is the fruit which Strongs Concordance describes as "that which originates or comes from something, an effect, result"...it comes from the Spirit of God having control of me. This comes when I choose to release my desires, impulses, longings to God and, instead, allow His will to be expressed in and through me. His life lived in me. His Spirit resides in me. I relinquish my will and give myself over to His will. Then the fruit expressed in my life will be what is spoke of in Galatians 5.

Are You Tired of Striving?

Last week my son and I chased after a little blue racquet ball in a small enclosed room. We whacked the thing with our rackets, chasing hard from one end to the other. We were so focused on hitting it again and again that we didn't stop to realize just how much effort it was taking out of us! When we stopped after 20 minutes, to get a drink of water, we suddenly realized how wiped out we were. Wow! That took me by surprise. It wasn't until I slowed down...stopped...that I could see how much of my energy I had put into it. While I was focused on the ball, I didn't notice. My efforts weren't obvious to me. But once I stopped, I got a totally different perspective. WOW!

How much effort and energy--either emotional, mental, or physical--do I put into chasing after becoming "normal," or of having a body I don't despise or feeled betrayed by? I think sometimes I am so focused on some elusive "goal" (like I am on the blue ball in the racquetball court) that I don't realize all the effort and energy I am putting into it.

Even so, I am so thankful that, even as I ask this question, God is confirming to my spirit that I have grown! It isn't nearly so bad as it was before. I think there IS freedom on the wind! I can sense the change that God is bringing. Even now...yup. I know I have said this before, but the freedom I am tasting right now is different.

Psalm 46:10 in the New American Standard Version says: "Cease striving and know that I am God."

This idea..."cease striving"--intrigues me as "striving" definitely seems to define what I have done for so long relative to this pursuing something that always seems beyond my grasp. In the original languages, the word "striving" isn't there, but is implied. The actual translation might be "Cease and know that I am God." The word, "cease," has many meanings, but translators felt in the NASB this was the most reasonable.

Using the Strong's Concordance, the word translated "Cease" can have these many meanings:

-  to sink, relax, sink down, let drop, be disheartened, abate, abandon, refrain, forsake, to let go...

The NIV uses: "Be still..."
The Amplified Bible uses: Let be and be still...
The Holman Christian Standard Version says: "Stop..."

This reminds me of Jesus' words to Martha...  "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10:41-42)

I can almost hear the Lord saying to Martha: "Cease! Know I am God!"

How much of my striving, going, chasing, pursuing is hindering my ability to know the Lord is GOD Almighty! If I focus so much on what I chase after, is it possible it keeps me from really knowing the Lord in the way he wants to be known?

There is freedom in letting go of the chase. In sitting still. In waiting. In being. Quiet. Ah...rest.

In Jeremiah 6:16, the Word of God says:

This is what the LORD says: 

"Stand at the crossroads and look; 

ask for the ancient paths, 

ask where the good way is, 

and walk in it, 

and you will find rest for your souls. 

But you said, 'We will not walk in it.'

God forbid that we reject the rest that God promises. Let us CEASE our striving, our chase and, instead, stand and look...and ask HIM what HIS good way is...there is rest for my SOUL in that place. This is true freedom. Free from a constant chasing after the wind, after something to which God doesn't call. The wonderful thing about seeking GOD is that HE wants to be found!

Seek the LORD while he may be found;
       call on him while he is near.

-Isaiah 55:6

You CAN'T "Let God Down!"

I am still making my way through Lesson 5 in the HEAL book. I hope you are still with me! :-)

I just feel prompted after reading/working through the first few pages to sit back a moment and to take time to evaluate....join me in this, ok?

Do you find yourself plagued by thoughts like these?

• "I have let God down...again..."
• "I am never going to be free from this..."
• "I just want to be normal."
• "I have blown it again."

If the answer is "Yes," consider something...whose standards are you aspiring to meet? Your own? God's? Someone else's?

If the answer is anything other than God's, then we have to, HAVE to make some adjustments to our thinking.

If the answer is "God's" then the next question is, where do we get our understanding of what His standards even are?

So often we get our ideas of what we have to do to "impress" God or convince God of our "okay-ness" from the world, from our (often dysfunctional) families or some other source. Often we don't get our ideas from the Word of God--even if we *are* students of the Word!

For instance, I often hear (and have often said) "I have let God down."

The truth is that God doesn't depend on me to hold him up! I can't "let God down!" In fact, quite the opposite is true. He holds me up! He lifts ME up!

The LORD upholds all those who fall 

 and lifts up all who are bowed down.

-Psalm 145:14

 He raises the poor from the dust
       and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
       he seats them with princes
       and has them inherit a throne of honor. 

1 Samuel 2:8

Many of us are plagued by perfectionism and fears of failure. The Lord wants us to let go of this. This is true even in the area of our eating and exercising. In fact, maybe he allows eating, exercising and body image to be a challenge for us so that we can learn to let go of our insistence that we be perfect. Maybe, just maybe, our longing for perfection and relentless way we try to arrive there is a deep-seated longing for our True perfect Home--Heaven...the perfection of Jesus and all He promises some day!

Questions for prayerful evaluation and application: 

1. Is there any way in which you have allowed yourself to have a standard of perfection in your eating, your exercising, or your view of yourself? 
2. Do you extend grace to yourself? I am not talking about license where you throw caution to the wind, but what sets the standard for you? Is it society that says women have to be all, do it all, and look dynamite (according to a computer-enhanced image in fashion magazines) to boot? Or is it the Lord that tells you to rest in Him, to fix your eyes on Him, to set your mind steadfastly on the Lord and he will give you peace? 
3. Do you spend as much time agonizing over the lost in the world as you do over not fitting into a new pair of jeans? Do you hate sin as much or more as you hate being too heavy? If not, then you have bought into our culture's standards. It may be subtle...

Moving for change:
How can we realign our thinking with that of the Lord?

1. Ask Him to help us with this is a great first step. 
2. Ask His Spirit to show us where worldly thinking has seeped into our own lives will help, too. Perhaps you can take time with an open bible and an open journal, pen in hand. Ask Him, "Lord, in what ways do I invite the world into my thinking to determine my standards? Then jot down what He impresses upon your heart as you wait quietly before Him.
3. Determine to do something practical to obey Him in this. For instance, do you have fashion or exercise/dieting magazines? Throw them out! Take time to fast a particular program you watch on TV that he lays on your heart might not be in godly best interest. Let's allow ourselves to be reprogrammed by God who says we are His precious daughters. He looks at our hearts, not our outward appearance. 
4. Prayerfully ask Him: What does my heart say to You, Lord, about who I am? Jot down what he lays on your heart.
   

You're loved regardless of your performance and what you have or have not accomplished.  Jesus' love is constant and ever present. (Smith and Halliday, HEAL, page 90)

Let's press on. God isn't about changing our bodies. He is about changing our hearts.

Thought for Today from HEAL

I hope you are pressing on in this journey. I know I am. God has called me to linger longer in His Word in the mornings and that has "cut into" my blogging time! I plan to get readjusted in balancing my time with this renewed call to study His Word. I just can't get enough of it. That is a good thing. Not writing isn't what he has in mind for me, so I know he will show me where to adjust so I can write.

Today, how about prayerfully pondering this quote:

Grace frees us to walk in the truth that nothing can separate us from God's love.  Our performance cannot; our brokenness cannot, nor can our pride or lack of self-worth.  Embracing his boundless love frees us from our self-imposed performance-based prisons.  God's grace and love are not based on what or how much we eat or on how often we exercise. (Smith and Halliday, HEAL, page 89)

Do you agree with this statement? Do you believe it to be true? Do you live like it is true? How? What do you need to do or change to live out what is true--that nothing can separate you from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord?

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, 

neither angels nor demons,

neither the present nor the future, 

nor any powers, 

neither height nor depth, 

nor anything else in all creation, 

will be able to separate us from the love of God 

that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

- Romans 8:38-39 

HEAL Week 5 Assignment

Here is the assignment for Lesson 5 of the HEAL study.

• Consider posting here to the blog what God has been doing in your life by hiding His Word in your heart. Have you found that it has helped you to say no to the flesh when tempted? If you decide to share here (or at your own blog), you might encourage another friend in the Lord to do likewise even without realizing it!
• Read and work through the material in Lesson 5 on pages 89-99.
• Consider responding here at the blog or at your own blog what God shows you through this material.
  
• Again, if you don't have the HEAL book, consider getting it! It is a great little book!
• Evaluate: Am I accomplishing day by day the goals that God has for me spiritually, emotionally, and physically? Am I applying  myself to the Seven Practical Steps to Healthy Eating? If not, what keeps me from this? What can I do to pursue taking steps that are in agreement with what I say I believe and what I say I believe God wants for my life? (See Hebrews 12:1-4 regarding things that entangle or trip us up...)
• As you work through the material, prayerfully evaluate: Do I have an accurate view of God and His character? Do I have a biblical understanding of "grace?" What can I do to be sure I can answer yes to these questions a month from now?
• Is there anything I need to let go of? Is there anything I need to embrace?
• Do I tend to allow perfectionism and fear of failure cling to me? What do I need to do to break free of this?
• What can I do to move my body joyfully and worshipfully this week?
  

Friendly reminder: If you focus on God's character during this journey and foster a posture of praise and gratitude instead of resentment about how little food it takes to truly be physically satisfied, it can radically transform your life. What will you do today to grow gratitude in your life?

Lord, please be with any who are on this HEAL journey and reading this book with us this week. I pray that we might be transformed by the renewing of our minds. I pray that we would grasp how wide and deep, high and long is the love of Christ and know without a shadow of a doubt that we can't earn your approval or acceptance. You have given it to us freely in Christ. Change each of us I pray. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Living Room Session 4

Wow, the Lord is showing me I have a LONG way to go! I can't even handle the title for this Living Room Session. Page 87 in the HEAL book calls it "Body Beautiful." I wonder what God wants to do with my disdain for that thought? Why is the thought of considering my body "beautiful" so repugnant to me? I want to know what is in my heart and mind that causes me to have such trouble. I think there is something HUGE here. I didn't come online to post about this, but as I went to the Group Study and saw that "Body Beautiful" was the tagline, I came face to face with it. It felt dishonest NOT to tell you all--in case you have the same response. We can't leave ourselves there. What do you think? :-)

Lord, thank you that we can use technology for your glory. Thank you that, via the internet, we can "gather" in a "living room" to talk about our study of your Word and principles that have come to others from your Word and their experiences. I pray that, if any of us struggle with a godly view of our bodies--your temple-- you will heal us. Help us to believe you--what you say, Lord. You have said that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. May that thought eclipse all ungodly thoughts that we have embraced over the years. May you make us new from the inside out and help us to believe the truth. I confess my own struggle with this and pray that you would give me a God-honoring, healthy, accurate view of my body. (It is even hard for me to pray this way, Lord!) Guide and direct our "Living Room Session" Lord. We dedicate this site, this page on the web, this entry, and all our comments to you. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.

Someone that I was mentoring a couple of years ago made the mistake ;-) of saying I was a couch potato! She recognized that, because of my obsessive past, I *fear* routine exercise (which is something God and I are working on changing) and I think she assumed that if I don't have a set exercise plan and routine that it must mean I don't do anything but sit on my rear. :-) Now, admittedly, sometimes this can be true. But the truth is, much of the time, my life is active and I delight in that activity. This video illustrates that fact...er...sort of. :-)






One of the things that resonated with me in this material this past week was the challenge to find something I can enjoy doing to move my body for the praise and glory of God. NOT to "lose weight," but to honor Him -- to take care of the body he has made and chosen to indwell!

I love hanging out with my horses--even doing horse chores isn't a "chore" most of the time. When I ride (which is pretty rare these days), I enjoy getting off and walking or running with my horse some of the time. They like that part, too. ;-)

What resonated with you this week? Did you consider a way that you might move your body in a joyful way? If so, what have you come up with? Did you add anything to what the authors call "The Body Beautiful Checklist?" Remember these are things that you can do that you know cause you to have a more accurate perspective of yourself and your body--they cause you to feel good! Like my day at the gym with the kids!

I think the next new thing I may try is geo-caching. Near as I can figure, geo-caching is like a real live treasure hunt. You get a GPS (global positioning system), are given coordinates for where a cache may be and then off you go to try to find it. For instance, I just typed in my zip code and found several in my area. When I click on the specific details, I get the coordinates and my kids and I could be off and away on a literal treasure hunt. My understanding is, these caches are often in remote areas, accessible by foot, horse, or bike, and sometimes they are more urban. There is fun and activity involved almost all the time! Sounds like a plan to me to get us out walking!

How about you? You may recall my raving about Dance Praise some years ago. It is still one of my favorite ways of moving my body and worshiping the Lord at the same time!

What are things you are thankful for about your body? For some of us, it may take more an act of our wills to be able to praise the Lord for these things specifically, but I challenge each of us to do this...we can ask the Lord to help us with this and he will. If you have the Thin Within book, you can turn to day 5 for an activity that is right up this alley.

For instance, on the Sundays when I am on the worship team, my arms, shoulders, back, and legs all help me to participate in worshiping the Lord and in leading others to worship the Lord. I can praise and thank God that I am able to do this--for the health in my physical body. I am also able to do a lot of chores around my home and bless my family. When I ride my horses, I have hips that work, legs, knees and ankles that enable me to enjoy God's creation as I walk or ride. I can go back through my entire life and prayerfully evaluate how God has used my body to serve others and to exalt him and choose to praise him for this. I have to think that if we foster gratitude for our bodies we will defeat the lies that affect so many of us and keep us locked in places of shame. I see that I need to really work on this!

Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, 

as instruments of wickedness, 

but rather offer yourselves to God, 

as those who have been brought from death to life; 

and offer the parts of your body to him 

as instruments of righteousness. 

- Romans 6:13

Do I really believe that my body can be used by the Lord as an instrument of righteousness? If so, what are ways I can stop offering the parts of my body to sin and start being more pro-active to offer, instead, my body to be an instrument of righteousness, given to God for His purposes?

Lord, thank you that you don't leave me in a place where I have a defective view of myself and you. Thank you that what you have begun, you promise to complete (Philippians 1:6). Thank you that you desire that I offer my body to you for your use...my physical body is your temple. I pray that I might live as one who is a steward only of this body you have given me. Please help each of us to allow you to transform our thinking, our believing, our living. Help us to find joyful ways of moving our bodies so that we might be healthier inside and out. Break me free from self-imposed prisons of unbelief and believing lies. In the Name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

Going Deeper: Are there verses from scripture that the Lord might use to challenge you to embrace a godly view of your body, His temple? Take some time to investigate the Word. You can use an online study site like Blue Letter Bible or Bible Gateway to search the bible, read commentaries and the like. Share what you find here as you might encourage others of us if you do.

God's Texting Plan

God has a texting plan! Well, ok, maybe that is not entirely accurate. God doesn't actually need a texting plan.

Let me back up.  I didn't really have a clue about text messaging until a few months ago when communication with our very busy worship/youth pastor required that I be able to get in touch with him. Prior to that, when I saw someone actually typing on their cell phone, I thought it seemed like such a worthless and time consuming endeavor. "Why don't you just call them?,"  I wondered!

Emailing or calling Pastor Tony didn't work, so I tried something on a whim I never had done before...I shot him a text message from my cell phone. To my joy and utter surprise, I got a response! I discovered very quickly that when needing to get or give information to Pastor Tony, nothing was as efficient as texting! I bought a texting plan and my world hasn't been the same since, though, I don't typically use texting for anyone else.

Last weekend, my 15 year old baby :-) went on a evangelism trip to Costa Mesa. She had never been away from home before. Suddenly texting took on a whole new meaning. Throughout the day (and night) she could shoot me a text or I could ask her where she was and what she was doing. It was incredible to get to participate in her life that way...getting little glimpses into what she was doing. I knew when she ate, when she slept (when she didn't!), when the adults on the trip got to sneak in a shower at the gym across the street, when they stopped for gas or snacks, when they arrived at the evangelism conference and when they went to the beach to witness.

She made it through (and so did I), I think partly because I could actually feel like I was involved through what had before seemed like such a silly technology--that of texting. It was super cool when she shot me a photo of her at that very moment at the beach while the group was talking to a homeless man named Jim. There was my baby! I felt like I was there! I knew about what she was doing and going through!

The other day, as I was going through Psalm 139 which the HEAL book has had us focus on quite a bit, it struck me why this Psalm is such a testimony of God's love for us.

¹ O LORD, you have searched me
       and you know me.

 ² You know when I sit and when I rise;
       you perceive my thoughts from afar.

 ³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
       you are familiar with all my ways.

 ⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
       you know it completely, O LORD. 

- Psalm 139: 1-4

He used my text messaging Michaela all last weekend to demonstrate the fact that his involvement is proof of his love (as if I need that after Romans 5:8 and other texts).

While my baby was on the trip, I wanted to know her sitting, rising, going out and lying down...I wanted to know if she had brushed her teeth and what she had eaten. Why? Because I love her so much! I didn't spend my time texting any of the other kids on the trip. Why? Because they don't have my heart like Michaela does.

It struck me that this is the way the Lord is...he is so intimately acquainted with me and wants to know all about me (and does, in his omniscience) because he loves me so much. If he didn't love me, he wouldn't bother with knowing all my ways...So, what would the Lord say in a text message? He knows all my ways and cares intimately about it all...what is on his heart to convey to me?

I wanted to know every bit about my daughter while she was gone. Every breath, every step, everything she was learning...I wanted to know it all. And I couldn't stop telling her how much I missed her and loved her. I wanted to know more. Because I am not omniscient, I relied on text messaging! :-) God relies on his omniscience to accomplish the same thing...all because he loves me so very much!

What Makes You Feel Better?

My husband did something strange a couple of weeks ago. Not one for too much physical "exertion," Bob typically avoids (like the plague)  activity that can generate a sweat. :-) Ok, maybe it isn't quite that bad, but he isn't one of those kinds of guys that needs to pump iron or run 5 miles to feel like a man. :-)

So, when, one morning during our quiet times, he asked me if I would like to get a membership to California Family Fitness again, I was quite surprised. Not only was I surprised at his suggestion of the idea given it costs money to do this, or at the fact that this implies a willingness to sweat, but it also struck me that we live 40 minutes from the nearest facility that is worth it's salt in sweat, which means quite some time investment to get our money's worth.

I have a confession to make. Not like it is a new confession or anything. I have made it here at the blog before. I love exercise. I am a reformed gym rat. But my problem is I fear returning to my former obsession. The pendulum is way at the other end of things for me in this. What once was obsessive "fear of NOT working out" has become a fear of working out. I fear that I can't handle any kind of routine exercise.

Maybe God has us placed 40 minutes from CFF (California Family Fitness) to help safeguard against this. When we lived 5 minutes away from the gym we belonged to in the 90s, I worked out twice a day for over an hour. (Hubby calls this my "bulimic period," as he is convinced--and he is right--that I used exercise to "purge").

So he had the idea of doing this--of getting a gym membership, but that is a long step away from actually signing up. So imagine my surprise when he came home one day and gave me three membership cards (one for me and one for each of our two kids) so that we could now freely go to the gym...Wow. I guess he really meant it.

Although it has been two weeks since he did this, yesterday was the first day the kids and I got over to the gym. We began with a half an hour of racquetball--which is a blast as far as I am concerned. I love tennis, but racquetball with my kids is great because we can spend time pummeling the ball instead of chasing it like we do out on the tennis court.

After racquetball, we ventured upstairs to the cardio equipment. Since the last time we had a gym membership (probably a couple of years), I am amazed at the "improvements!"  Now, you can hook up your iPod to the treadmill and, if you select a movie on your iPod, it will display on the screen in front of you. I can watch my Beth Moore videos and improve my spiritual fitness while I walk/jog/run my way to physical fitness! Goodness!

My kids and I did the treadmill for about 20 minutes, too. Will wonders never cease! :-)

I do have to admit, though...when we first got to CFF, I felt like an addict assaulted by the "substance" she formerly abused. There were scales everywhere to hop on. I walked by and tried not to look. The last thing I want to do now is fall off the Boycott Scales wagon! Then, as we went into the women's locker room, a woman was having her hips measured by a personal trainer. Yikes! I wanted to holler: "No-o-o-o! Don't do it! Be free! You can tell if you have lost inches by the way your clothes fit! Don't give in to the man-made numbers!"

I must rein in my passion just a bit. :-) Fact is, many people don't have "issues" with numbers, graphs, charts and the like the way I do. This is my personal battle and I need not become a zealot attempting to rid the world of scales and tape measures!

There were a couple of familiar things, however, that did surface following our visit to the gym. One was the old "Now I deserve to eat _______." Ah...the activity of my life is not to be the determining factor for when I eat. My body's legitimate hunger and satisifed signals are...and even these, I must submit to the Lord. I am glad I saw that this is what was going on!

The second familiar feeling that followed a fun, enjoyable workout at the gym was this sense of inexplicable confidence. I felt...well..good. I mean, even the tweak in my arthritic ankle couldn't keep me from plain old feeling good. I think it is this sense that I have done something that I know honors the Lord and is good for HIS temple--my body. This is an investment in properly caring for that which I am merely a steward of. My body is NOT my own. It belongs to Him. As such, I must care for it the way He wants. My spirit and heart and mind are his as well, so doing something for one aspect of my "self" at the expense of one or more of the others is not His way.

This morning, when I turned to my HEAL book, I came to page 83 where the authors point out that there are things that I can do to help me to feel positively about my body. Given that I have this tendency to beat myself up, self-deprecate--definitely NOT glorifying to God--it stands to reason that if there are practical things I can do to help me feel better about my body and not at the expense of my spirit, mind, and soul, then maybe I should do them!

Moving my body in fun, enjoyable activities is one of those things that makes me just feel good about my body. When I consider that God has made me naturally atheltic and that he has put in me a love of  exercise...well, I can get pretty out of touch with these two blessings pretty easily when the only activity I engage in is spreading hay out on the hillside twice a day or stacking hay bales. Yes, some seasons of my life are naturally more active than others, but this season isn't one of those. I am home with my kids much more focusing on our highschool science and math courses, trying to help them out...so I am home much more.

I appreciate that the authors of HEAL have asked us to generate a list of things that cause us to feel better about our bodies.

So how about it...without sacrificing your emotional or mental health, what can you do to feel better about your body? What can you do to honor God with your body?

I will continue to generate my list, but also I am on a quest to break free from the fear that being at a gym or around scales and tape measures will somehow lure me back into my former obsession. God wants me not to allow anything other than HIM to determine my steps. Fear can be an idol that I "obey" if I don't deal with this.

I am chasing after the joy that I know is in Him as all things are balanced BY Him and for His glory!

To What End, Thinness?

The image that "graces" this blog entry--I hope you see just how bizarre it is--is, apparently, a computer modified (hard to say "enhanced") image of a model who is already rail-thin. Is this really what they think we should look like??? Look how big her head is compared to her hips!

Yesterday, my former pastor sent me a link to an article that sure is penetrating.

Please note: I do NOT agree with everything in the article--such as the reference to Eve's having eaten the fruit as "mythical," so please don't email me about that. I do, however, feel the author offers some challenging thoughts that I can prayerfully take to the Lord to help to foster a godly evaluation of my own heart.

It connects well (for me) to what lesson 4 in HEAL is about, so I thought it might be helpful to share it with those of you who might want to take the time to read it.

But for many, the prospect of a "good" body comes to function as a kind of "ultimate purpose" that gives their lives personal meaning while connecting them to a much wider cultural devotion to thinness. (Michelle M. Lelwica, Guest Voices, Thin and Salvation)

One of the things that challenged me as I read this is I wonder to what degree I have allowed striving to achieve thinness or, even, wholeness in this area of food, eating and body image to define my purpose in life? Is this a godly thing? Sure, the Lord may have called me to a ministry related to this issue and I have no doubt that he has...but have I allowed striving after this to define my purpose? Or have I allowed Him to define my purpose? There is a subtle, but profound difference.

I spent a few minutes making my own "body beautiful" (well, not quite, but you get the idea...). If I had taken a bit longer to do it right (I have never modified a photo like this before), I could have done the same thing the graphic artist did to the photo of the model to an image of me at my heaviest. This comparison is shown to the left. Is this really what I want to be about?  I could even have plastic surgery to make sure everything looks just so without an image being required or a graphics program. That is where the mindset that I have had can take me if allowed to go to its logical extreme. Boy, this is sobering. I look at the image of the model that Ralph Lauren put on it's publication and advertisers are convinced that this is what we want, girls! This is sad!

The HEAL book really challenges me in this regard in lesson 4. My body is a temple of God's presence. He really has esteemed this body that he has created. Do I believe what He says in His Word about my physical body's value? Do I treat my body, His temple, with respect and esteem, or do I desecrate and demean it with the choices I make? What self-talk do I engage in? What do I say to myself or others about this amazing body that God has made?

Even if I have made choices that have hurt my body, right now is a new moment, a fresh start. I don't mean like starting a diet. Not a Monday, first-day-of-the month or anything else. I mean literally a fresh start. I can repent, change my mind, my heart, my behavior...allow GOD to give me HIS thoughts, HIS heart, and an ability to will to act differently.

Contrary to what the world says, your body is not just something to be looked at and adorned.  Its purpose is to serve, encourage, and love the people we encounter. Girls, it's time we discover and reclaim the true, God-given purpose of our bodies. (Smith and Halliday, HEAL, page 79)

So, to what end will I pursue thinness or, even wholeness? Will I allow this to be my "purpose?" Frankly, I want to chase hard after God and only God. If I cling to Him, my purpose will be God-determined and my life God-honoring. I will love Him and people, serving others in a way that infuses my life with joy and meaning! How hollow and superficial striving to fit back into a certain pair of jeans seems in comparison!

So...what does the *Lord* have to say about it?

Hmmm...if I really stop and get still about this "issue"...that of my body, how I feel about it, how it functions (and, admittedly, how it *looks*...which I hope to be less of an issue for me as I grow up!), and ask the Lord "Lord, what do YOU have to say about it? What is your heart about this?" I come away with a very different viewpoint than when I shut him out of this. He is interested! He does care!!!

Let's all ask ourselves some questions:

Can I be still, quiet my heart and mind for a bit and wait on the Lord, wait to hear the HOLY Spirit (as opposed to "the condemning spirit," or the "perfectionist spirit" or...whatever else) testify to my heart what the Lord's mind and heart is for me in this? AM I healthy? AM I functioning the way He intends? Is there anything that I am in denial about, anything I fear, anything that I idolize in this area of my life? What does *HE* want of me? Does he want me to be more active and prayerfully, joyfully, worshipfully move my body more frequently? Am I obsessed and does he want me to have freedom from insisting on 90 minutes of cardiovascular workouts each day and strength training 4 days each week? Does he want me to allow more "meat on my bones?" Or does he want me to realize that I am making my heart work too hard by carrying extra weight on my frame? Does he want me to come to peace with food and my body in a way that my physical body doesn't seem to indicate I need to? Do I fixate too much on clothes...does my vanity with wanting to look a certain way keep me from being humble, modest and able to be set free?

What does the *Lord* want for me?

These are questions that we can benefit from asking -- but let's ask the LORD what the truth is! As we do, we may come out of the experience better able to have a vision for where we are heading with the Lord as our guide relative to food, eating, our bodies and views of ourselves.

On page 76 of the HEAL book, the authors give us examples of "Body Vision Statements" of others who have allowed the Lord to guide and direct them in this process. I, too, want to allow the Lord to give me His vision of what he wants for me. Part of my Body Vision Statement includes "To release fear, to make peace with my body, to rest in a lifestyle where I keep the proper balance and don't become focused on me, but on serving others and the Lord..."

How about you? What does the Lord have to say about these things to you?

Body Expectations...

What kind of expectations have we placed on ourselves? What standards do we subtly expect (or, even, demand) that we live up to?

We have a challenge before us...that of living in this world with all the messages that are constantly bombarding us about physical standards but not giving in to this...to keep our focus, instead, on what matters for eternity--spiritual values.

Lesson 4 challenges us to evaluate these things. We are encouraged to choose God's perspective on beauty instead of the world's ideal.

Truthfully, my thoughts about that are...it is tough to know God's perspective of beauty unless we really spend time in His Word. We have the world bombarding us...literally...from every angle. Every window in shopping malls and stores taunt us with what beauty looks like, TV, billboards, magazines, newspapers...it is hard to escape it even if we don't read magazines or watch TV. We want to constantly bathe our minds in the truth of what God's view of beauty is.

 ¹⁰ Listen, O daughter, consider and give ear:
       Forget your people and your father's house.

 ¹¹ The king is enthralled by your beauty;
       honor him, for he is your lord. 

Psalm 45:10-11

I love this passage from the Psalms as it speaks deeply to my heart of how the Lord sees me. He is enthralled by my beauty. He is enthralled by yours.Wow!

The authors make some comments about Psalm 139: 14

David does not applaud himself for his individual design nor does he criticize God's work.  He gives God praise for the work he has made...David recognizes the brilliance of his Creator and shouts out genuine praise and thanksgiving.  Let's aspire to have hearts filled with praise for the awesome and unique way God has made each of us.(Smith, Halliday, HEAL, page 74)

We are challenged not to dishonor God by condemning His creation--ourselves. When we view ourselves so negatively and with contempt, we don't accomplish anything godly whatsoever. We sadden the heart of God. He created us.

One of the best ways to learn how to walk in the truth that you are body beautiful is to talk to God about it.  Ask God to help you see yourself through His eyes rather than through the eyes of the world.  If you want to love your body, you have to fall in love with the One who made it! 

How will you, how will I, begin to combat the worldly perspective today? How will we embrace the truth about who we are and the amazing body God has designed for us? Our minds need to be renewed with truth in this. What can we practically do, today, to cooperate with God's intention?

Take some time to follow the advice of the authors and to journal, asking God to change the way you see yourself. Spend time asking the Lord to help you to have His perspective on your body and to help you reject any way the world's thinking affects you.

You might want to do this every day...and tenaciously cling to his promise that he can transform the way you think. Share with us here anything that he shows you!